


The Perfect Charade

by hudgens77



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Alternate Universe - Circus, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-10
Updated: 2014-09-11
Packaged: 2018-02-08 07:29:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 10
Words: 53,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1932066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hudgens77/pseuds/hudgens77
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Underneath beautiful flowers there were thorns. I couldn't help falling in love with what was under the rose. Do you get it, Black?" "Yes, Father, I do." What if Sebastian was a part of Noah's Ark Circus? Father's favorite child, actually. Marked by a traumatic past, his mission is just one: get Ciel Phantomhive. But what happens when a suspicious boy nicknamed Smile gets in his way? SebasCiel, based on the Book of Circus.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Tbh I had the idea for this fic long ago, but I couldn't find the inspiration to finish it. But now that the Book of Circus is airing I totally had to write this!! I hope that you like it and please, tell me what you think of the first chapter. Enjoy!  
> (btw, did someone already watch the first episode? What did you think of it? I waited so long for this arc to be animated!)

The Phantomhive townhouse wasn't precisely Ciel's favorite place to live. It was a nice manor, yet it wasn't as big and beautiful as the actual Phantomhive residence which was located in the outskirts of London. But as the loyal Queen's watchdog, Ciel had no other option but to travel and stay there whenever there was a case he needed to solve. And now, it was one of those times.

"I can't believe we still have nothing!" the youngster cried out, clearly upset. Tanaka watched as his little master rubbed his temples and sighed in exhaustion. It had been a long day.

The old butler and the Earl had visited Frederick Abberline to get information about the missing children Queen Victoria had mentioned in her last letter, as well as the surroundings about Noah's Ark Circus. Of course, the few useful data they got hadn't been for  _free_.

After that, they had gone to pay a visit to the Undertaker's. Another fruitless visit, one could say, since there were no corpses, no deaths, nothing. But at least it had given them a clue: the children were not dead... yet.

So that left them with only one option: they'd have to go to the circus and examine it by themselves, much to Ciel's disdain.

Seeing as the boy wasn't in a very good mood —worse than normal, that was—, Tanaka had suggested they could go to the circus the next day so Ciel could rest, since it promised to be a tiring job. Oddly, his master had agreed without putting up much resistance.

"Young Master," Tanaka whispered once Ciel's ranting was over; "you should go to bed. You need to rest for tomorrow."

Ciel nodded, following his butler's wise advice. "Yeah. Let's go, Tanaka."

The adult smiled faintly and gave a respectful bow, following his little master as he stood up from his desk and approached the door, only to have it suddenly opened and slammed against the wall before he could even grab the doorknob.

"CIEL! How did it go today?" A boisterous, cheerful Indian teenager entered the office, followed by his faithful white-haired servant who smiled politely and greeted them quietly. The Indian prince approached the seething Earl and hugged him tightly, almost leaving him breathless.

"Let go! Soma! Let me go!" Ciel complained.

"But Ciel! You're never here, and when you are, you're always busy! You never have time to play with me!"

Ciel struggled to get away, and after several attempts, he was able to undo Soma's embrace.

"You!" Ciel glared. "Why do you always—?!"

Ciel stopped midsentence as he noticed Soma's eyes turning watery and his lips starting to wobble. He'd hurt him by scolding him. Ciel sighed, closing his eyes and trying to relax. The last thing he needed was to stop Soma from crying.

"I'm sorry. I'm just tired, you see. I want to sleep."

Soma seemed to calm down with that explanation.

"So today wasn't a good day?"

"Not at all. We didn't get anything, so I guess we'll have to examine the circus first-hand tomorrow."

"A circus?!" Soma's face lit up. He turned around to glance at his butler. "Did you hear that, Agni? I've never been to a circus!"

"Oh no, absolutely  _NOT_ ," Ciel exclaimed, visibly irritated. "Don't even  _think_  about it!"

"But Ciel—"

"I said NO! You'd only cause trouble; besides, I have just the two tickets the Queen sent me, enough for Tanaka and me _only_."

"I don't think that's really a problem," Soma replied. "We can buy two more tickets for Agni and me tomorrow at the circus. Right, Agni?"

"Of course. That's not a problem at all," the Indian servant said kindly.

"Oh, but I refuse! You're an irresponsible lad who would only—"

"Young Master," Tanaka interfered, earning a glare from the child. "Pardon the interruption, but could we speak privately for a minute, please?"

Ciel stared at the old man as if he didn't understand what he was saying. After a while, he blinked, rather startled; and as the frown returned to his face, he said:

"Fine."

Tanaka beamed politely and followed his master out of the office, leaving the confused duo behind for a while.

"What is it, Tanaka?"

"Pardon me for interfering so rudely like that, but I think that Lord Soma and Mr. Agni going to the circus isn't such a bad idea after all, and I felt like I must tell you."

"What?!" Ciel spat. "What do you mean ' _it isn't a bad idea_ '?! They'd only cause a fuss and they won't let us investigate! They'd only ruin everything!"

"Young Master, as a butler, it is my obligation to assist you in every way possible, and that includes both giving you advice and protecting you," Tanaka stated prudently. "I agree that Lord Soma can be a little... difficult sometimes, but his butler, Mr. Agni, is a responsible person who can take care of him in case anything goes wrong. Besides, we don't really know what to expect of this circus; and if things turn out violently, I won't be able to protect you as well as before. I'm not getting any younger," he finished with a chuckle.

Ciel drew his hand to his chin, thinking. As much as he hated to admit it, he knew the old man was right. When his parents died and the manor was set on fire, Tanaka had been injured in the ordeal. Given his age, he hadn't been able to heal properly, but there he was, still capable of performing his daily duties as a butler. Nonetheless, that was not enough for dangerous missions like this one promised to be; and his other usually useless servants —Bardroy, Finnian and Mey-Rin— had stayed in the other mansion.

So Ciel could only expect that this case didn't turn out to be so terrible, or else, he would have to trust Agni's strength and skills. Even if it meant dealing with Soma.

"You're right about that," he said after a while. "I just hope they'll behave."

Tanaka laughed softly, opening the office door for his master to enter the room again. "I hope so too."

"Fine," Ciel snapped, glowering at the prince who looked at him with anxious eyes. "You're allowed to go with us. But don't cause any trouble!"

"YAY!" Soma shouted excitedly. "Did you hear that, Agni? We can go! Thanks Ciel, thank you!"

"Don't touch me so easily!" Ciel barked when Soma hugged him again. "Just remember that this is a mission, not a picnic! If you ruin anything, I swear I'll kill you with my own bare hands, and I'm  _not_  kidding."

"Relax, Ciel. I promise!" Soma sang happily, one hand on his chest and raising the other, showing his palm. Agni bowed.

"Thanks for your generosity, Ciel Sir. You've made me and my Prince very happy," he stated respectfully. Ciel smirked.

"Now go," he told Soma. "Tomorrow will be a long day and I don't want my accomplices to be tired."

"Indeed! Good night, Ciel!"

"Good night, Ciel Sir, Sir Tanaka."

Both of them exited the room and the left duo could still hear their voices talking enthusiastically as they walked through the hall. "The circus, Agni! What is one supposed to wear there?" was one of Soma's comments.

"Make sure you won't call too much the attention!" Ciel shouted from his office, hoping that Soma would still hear. He sighed, Soma probably wouldn't bother to listen to him.

Oh, well.

Ciel ordered a few papers in his desk before turning to his faithful butler so he'd follow him to his room and prepare his bed to sleep. Just like he had said, the next day would be long.

* * *

Noah's Ark Circus was practically silent by those hours of the night, if it weren't for some low, graceful footsteps accompanied by a few more quiet noises.

As Joker walked here and there by all the tents, those soft noises drew his attention to the main tent. He walked in and met with a pair of mahogany eyes that belonged to the lone magician standing in the middle of the stage.

Joker grinned.

"Black. Don't cha think's a little too late to be 'ere?"

The black-haired, black-clad young man that honored his nickname gave a hint of a smile.

"I just want everything to be perfect for tomorrow, that's it."

"I see. It'll be. Ya worry too much."

"Perhaps," Black admitted with a perfect British accent. Educated. "But if we are having a special guest tomorrow, wouldn't you want everything to be flawless?"

"How can ya be so sure 'e'll come tomorrow? He can come any other day while we're stayin' in London. May as well not come and sent a servant or somethin'."

"Maybe. But I'd rather be prepared."

Joker chuckled.

"Whatev' ya say, Black. Yer performance's always perfect, anyways. Night," the ginger said goodbye and went out to his tent to sleep.

"Good night," Black answered. As soon as Joker left, the smile fell from his face. He sat down on the stands and thought about everything. Father had told him so much about him, and yet, Black had no pictures to know who he really was. He knew he was a child, a beautiful one; of course, he wouldn't have caught Father's attention if he wasn't. He also knew about his doomed family and about the job that weighed on them like a curse: The Queen's watchdog.

And he also was certain that Noah's Ark Circus had already caught his attention, as well as the missing children thing. He had no proof whatsoever, but he was sure. There was a feeling in his stomach telling him so. He was coming soon, and Black had to be prepared.

He sighed. What Joker had said was true, he was an expert at everything he did. Magic and optical illusions were one of the easiest, dullest things for him, since he could do things much more elaborated than that. The reason why he was stuck with magic, though, was that they didn't have a magician before in the circus and all of the other acts were already taken.

Black recited one of the "spells" he was going to do the next day. Sometimes, he really wished he could make everything disappear.

* * *

His permanent smile wouldn't show it, but Soma was more fragile than he looked. A common inquiry in his mind was always…

_What do others think of me?_

Ciel had called him irresponsible the night before. It had been practically a miracle that he'd agreed to let him go to the circus. Soma was happy; however, he was also afraid to do something that could disappoint Ciel. He wanted to show him that he could be mature, and that Ciel could trust him.

"Prince. Is there something the matter?" Agni's sweet, masculine voice got him out of his thoughts.

"Not really," Soma lied.

"You've been very quiet for a while."

"Have I?" he feigned a laugh. "I'm sorry. I was... thinking."

"I see."

Agni always knew and respected when Soma didn't want to talk about something that was troubling him, and now it was one of those times.

The prince sighed. There was something about Agni's presence that always made him feel safe. Maybe it was his warmth, or the sound of his heartbeat, or the feeling of his arms around him. Maybe it was the brush of his nose and lips against his hair as they lay sitting comfortably in one of the armchairs of the lounge; he didn't know. He let his head fall on his butler's shoulder, and Agni ruffled his hair affectionately until a faint smile tugged at his lips.

However, their little moment was interrupted when a cloaked boy appeared in the lounge, accompanied by his old butler. As soon as they met with them, the couple broke away. It wasn't like Ciel and Tanaka didn't know about them, but it was still embarrassing.

A slight flush bloomed in Ciel's cheeks at the sight greeting him, and he felt like he'd interrupted a private moment. He looked away, replacing his look of surprise for his habitual scowl, and commented:

"I must admit, I wasn't expecting you to be ready this early. Anyway, it's time to go."

And with that, Ciel made his way towards the door with Tanaka behind him.

Soma grinned. So far, this was going well. He stood from the sofa and Agni did too. The men followed after the child, got into the carriage and in their way to Noah's Ark Circus.


	2. Chapter 2

It looked like a normal place. Colorful, big and crowded —the typical image of a circus. And yet, there was something about the place that made Ciel feel strangely uneasy.

The four men sat down on the stands: first it was Ciel, then Tanaka at his right side and Soma at his left. Agni was the last one, sitting at the free seat next to his master. The place was almost full, but they were lucky enough to find good places.

After a little while, the lights went off and a single spotlight started travelling throughout the chattering audience. It stopped its journey when a single figure came into the stage, focusing only in it.

It was a young man. He was dressed in all kinds of colors and had ginger hair pointing in all directions, merely kept under control by some hairpins. What was unusual about him, though, wasn't any of this, but his right arm: it was bones only.

"Welcome to the Noah's Ark Circus! My name is Joker!" the young man introduced himself as he juggled with several balls. "If you'll look here… Whoops!"

All of a sudden and purposely, the balls fell and hit his head. The audience giggled and he smiled; he was good at making people laugh.

"Ahem!" he went on, "The whole circus is jostling for a chance to give you a fun show!"

It was when Ciel noticed that the whole crew was now accompanying the clown-like man. And so, the show began.

First, there was this big and strong man who ate fire. Next, there were two expert kids at the trapeze. When their act ended, there came a knife-thrower with excellent aim. By that point, Ciel had realized and stressed to Tanaka the fact that there was no music or anything outstanding about the performances. He was beginning to think that his suspicions about this place were merely a coincidence.

A tightrope walker came into view for the following act, introduced as "the princess of the circus". She was dressed purely in white and her attire was adorned by tons of flowers that brought out her beauty. She looked like a little angel, the perfect embodiment of innocence.

On the next act, there was a snake man. Nothing out of the ordinary, Ciel kept thinking; nonetheless, Soma and Agni seemed to disagree, for they started speaking frantically in Hindi during the whole act. Perhaps it reminded them a little of their home, Ciel assumed.

Joker reappeared on the stage when the snake man's performance had ended. He introduced the last act's performers: a magician whom he called "Black" and his "beautiful assistant", as he'd said.

The woman showed first. She was beautiful, indeed. Maybe a little exotic, but gorgeous nonetheless: she was all dressed in red and her hair matched her clothes too. It was very, very long and it looked silky to the touch. She was flat-chested and thin, and yet she possessed a grace that made up for her little flaws and caused everyone look at her more than once.

She was quickly preparing everything for the act. When she finished, the magician finally showed up. He was wearing a cloak and a hat that made him look mysterious and matched the meaning of his name. And the way he walked, he moved... it was obvious he also was graced with that poise that was very similar to magic.

The young magician started his act with the classic trick of letting animals out of his hat. However, the kinds of animals that he released were extremely uncommon and even disturbing: crows, bats and black cats filled the tent in a matter of seconds. People shrieked in fear and disgust. Ciel only hissed; worrying about his allergies, but he didn't have to dwell on it for long, because in a matter of seconds the black-clad man made all the animals vanish with a click of his fingers.

When the crowd calmed down, the man asked for a volunteer. For some reason or another, Ciel couldn't help being intrigued. There was something abnormal, dark, and extremely  _interesting_ about this man to be safe. He almost felt the need of raising his hand to participate, yet he was too hesitant and a young lady in the first line beat him to it.

The lady was enthusiastic and pretty, and it reminded Ciel of Elizabeth. He regretted that thought however, when the magician asked her to lie down with his assistant's help and cut her in half.

"Whaaaaa...?!" he couldn't help gasping like the rest of the public. This man had to be a sadist or something, because he'd never stopped smiling evilly at his own actions. And yet, with one or two words that Ciel couldn't understand, the girl went back to normal and she stood up in one piece, all smiles and awe.

Deafening applauses filled the place.

The magician bowed and then literally vanished in front of everyone, gaining more exclamations from the public. Joker appeared after that, making Ciel feel disappointed.  _"_ _What a shame… this was finally starting to get fun_ , _"_  he thought.

The clown-like man thanked the audience for their attention and stated in the middle of some bad jokes that he hoped everyone had fun. Almost all the people laughed and clapped, except for the little earl. Now the show was over without any other surprise and he'd realized he still had no clues, his already bitter mood had worsened.

No sooner had Joker ended his final speech Ciel was already heading for the exit. "Let's get out of here," was all he said.

Tanaka walked after him and Soma and Agni followed, exchanging worried glances. Ciel's aura was scary.

The duo was quickly left behind. Both stared in amazement at the eccentric people around them —the circus performers—, the tents, the wagons and the animals as they talked softly in their native language. Suddenly, the noise of an elephant followed by a squeal at their backs caught their attention.

They turned around and met with the sight of a young woman sitting on the ground, rubbing her nape and her legs sprawled on the floor. She'd fallen.

In front of her, there was the elephant they'd heard, standing on two legs and trumpeting madly; clearly upset. The woman backed down, fearing it would attack her. And yet, she seemed to pluck up courage from God knows where and took the whip lying next to her, raising it to attack the elephant.

"Hey!" Soma shouted, approaching them. Agni did too. Soma walked slowly towards the animal, trying not to scare it and beckoning it to calm down. Meanwhile, Agni stopped the woman from hurting the animal by grabbing her hand just in time. When the elephant realized it wasn't going to be attacked, it relaxed and returned to stand in its four legs. Soma got confident and caressed its trunk while whispering soft, soothing words in its ear.

"What you think you doin'? Lemme go!" the woman barked at Agni, squirming as he did what she said.

"I'm sorry, ma'am. Are you okay?" he asked gently, immune to her rough treatment. She had a black, curly mane adorned with a hairband. Her eyes were crimson red and her attire was a little too... revealing, showing her beautiful figure. Nonetheless, what really caught Agni's attention was the hallmark that rested on one of her legs, visible due to the position she was in. And… Was that a doll-like limb?

"What you starin' at?" she roared, making Agni blush and avert his eyes right away. He helped her to stand up.

"Sorry."

"You should treat her better, don't you think?" Soma told the woman, still stroking the elephant. She raised an eyebrow.

"Her?"

"Yeah. Hurting her won't work."

Her, again. How did he know so easily? Did he know about animals?

"Beast!" A cheerful voice was heard, and it was followed by the appearance of the clown-like man from before: Joker, or something like that...

"What you doin' with these gentlemen?" he inquired, a bright smile in his face.

"Joker," she blushed and realized that she was still standing a little too close to Agni. She gave a few steps away. "Sorry. Malaya got outta control, and these guys helped me."

"Malaya? What a beautiful name you have," Soma said tenderly. It seemed as if she'd already grown fond of him and vice versa. "You remind me of home."

Joker's eyes widened. "Home?"

Soma flustered as he'd realized what he had said. "Of course. In my...  _home_ ," —palace—, "there were tons of...  _pets_. I guess you can say I love animals."

"I see," the grin returned to Joker's face as he glanced at the white-haired man that now was caressing Malaya as well, a look of affection in his face. "I take ya love animals too."

Agni nodded.

"Well then... what you guys think 'bout a job offer?"

"What?" Soma and Agni replied with surprise.

"Joker!" the woman, whose nickname was apparently 'Beast', exclaimed. "What're you thinking?!"

He shrugged. "Why not? They'd be good help, trainin' and takin' care of the animals. So," Joker's amethyst eyes went from Beast to the pair again; "What d'you think?"

The duo exchanged glances between them, not knowing what to answer. It wasn't like they were experts about animals, but they were certainly a little bit more experienced in the subject than other people. Plus, they didn't really need a job. Still, if they accepted, it meant that they would be in the circus and would have more chance to investigate and help Ciel; and in the end, that was what they wanted the most. So, without even needing to ask for time to discuss all the pros and cons and as if they were able to read each other's minds, they stared back at Joker and exclaimed:

"Sure!"

Joker beamed his brightest beam. "Awesom'! Lemme show you around!"

"Umm..." Agni spoke. "I'm afraid we can't stay today. We have to inform our... master."

Technically, he wasn't lying. Ciel had left them in charge of the townhouse manor, so that made him sort of their 'master' in a way.

Joker gave them a puzzled look. "So..."

"We were planning on quitting anyway," Soma added quickly, playing along as he understood what Agni was doing; "and this would be perfect for us, so we can start tomorrow if you want."

"Oh, I see," —another beam. "Come back tomorrow, then. Yer always welcome."

"Excuse me," Agni said, trying to invent a lie to include Ciel in this. After all, he was the mastermind behind solving the case. "I was wondering... there's a boy in the manor we work for, he's the littlest of us... but he's really agile and energetic, I think he might like working here."

Well, he'd probably gone too far. Ciel wouldn't be very happy about this, but it was the only plausible excuse Agni could find. He knew the boy liked taking care of things himself, especially if they involved the Queen's orders.

Joker seemed convinced with the explanation, because his face lit up.

"Really? Then why don't you bring him tomorrow? We'll make 'im an entrance test, and if he passes, 'e can be part of the circus too. We love seein' new faces."

Beast's expression contradicted Joker's words, but she didn't say anything.

"Thank you," Soma said, though it was more to Agni for making up such a good story.

"Welcome. See ya," Joker added and walked away. Beast, on the other side, lingered there for a few seconds more to dedicate them an intense glare.

"Umm..." Soma thought about something to say, but as soon as he opened his mouth to speak, the woman walked after Joker with her arms folded, clearly giving them the cold shoulder.

Soma glanced at Agni and shrugged. They walked away to meet with a raging Ciel who demanded what had taken them so long and they both sighed, preparing themselves for whatever the reaction the teen could have. This would be hard to explain.

What a pity, because if Joker and Beast had stayed a little longer, they would have been able to watch the meeting of the recently hired strangers with a little, moody earl; his old butler and the opulent carriage that would head them back home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, how is it so far? As you can see, Soma and Agni will be more active in this fic, since Sebastian isn't Ciel's butler x) omg, have you already seen the 2nd episode of the anime adaptation?! IT'S SO GOOD! They all look so well and it's really like the manga! I'm really excited about this series x33
> 
> Well, please let me know what you think! :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I'm happy you're enjoying the story. Here's the next chapter, to commemorate episode 3! (the animation is awesome asdasdasd you should totally watch it! So far it's faithful to the manga and that's amazing :3)
> 
> Oh, btw. I know that Grell is biologically a male, but since she identifies as a woman, I'm gonna refer to her as such. I hope there's not much confusion about it! Enjoy :)

"That's great! I didn't really think you'd be able to do it!"

"Thank you," Ciel seethed.

"I-I'm sorry, Sir!" Agni apologized frenetically, earning a glare from the boy.

"Don't call me that! Someone could hear you," he hissed; rubbing his buttocks to ease the pain.

Ciel had already passed two parts of the entrance test —with a little help from Agni and Soma, of course. First, it was throwing knives. Soma had come up with the idea of throwing pebbles at the knives so they could reach the target, since Ciel hadn't enough strength in his arms. With Agni's excellent aiming, it was a piece of cake.

The second part was a tad more difficult, though: tightrope walking.

Ciel would've fallen if it hadn't been for the pebbles Agni threw at his body to keep him in balance. He didn't like the idea of hurting him, but it was the only way to do it right.

Apparently, Ciel wasn't happy about it, too. Dagger was still patting his hair cheerfully as Ciel sulked with restrained rage when Joker's voice called their attention again.

"The boy hasn't done something real important," he announced in a matter-of-fact tone. Ciel gave him a calculating look. Just what else could be missing?

Flying?

"...A big ol' smile!" he chanted happily. Ciel's face turned into a complete expression of horror as Joker went on: "C'mon, smile~!"

Was he really supposed to do  _that_? Because in all honestly, flying would've been easier.

Ciel tried to hold himself back and ignore everyone's stares and Soma's not too discrete giggles. God, even Agni seemed to be enjoying himself.

As he realized Joker wasn't kidding, he took a deep breath.  _"Come on, it'll be just a second,"_ a voice in his head said. So, even when Ciel knew that he was going to make a fool of himself, he let the corners of his lips rise in a fake gesture of glee. It was hard, his cheeks were stiff and he didn't know if it looked genuine —he was probably grimacing, for he had forgotten how to smile with true happiness.

And yet, it worked.

Everyone there was charmed with the smile and they started complimenting him and suggesting that he should smile more often, because he looked even cuter —pff, and why would he care about that?—. He was starting to feel uncomfortable with all those people around him when Joker interceded and guided him and his friends to a place where they could change. Agni and Soma were lucky: since they were not part of the actual performers, they could stay with their normal clothes.

Ciel couldn't.

Ugh. How much he hated this.

He was supposed to wear some bulky, royal-blue shorts with straps and asymmetrical fringes at both sides; a long sleeved, striped shirt with collar frills; a black vest, a blue hat with a big feather as well as mismatched stockings with garters and boots, and a purple ribbon around his neck. He looked ridiculous, he thought as Agni helped him dress, but the others didn't seem to think that. "Cute," had been a constant comment about him in the last few hours, and Ciel was getting tired of it.

When they finished helping Ciel, they met with Joker and a crowd of the circus members. The ginger grinned as he saw them and beckoned for them to get close.

"Everyone," he announced as they joined up, "From today on, we have some new friends. Newcomers, Soma and Agni; also, this one is 'Smile'!"

Ciel's face went from annoyance to complete shock. At his side, Soma and Agni tried to stifle a laugh.

"W-what? Why am I the only one who's got a nickname?!" he asked with dread.

Joker gave him a look like he didn't understand the question. "Yer not satisfied,  _Smile_?"

"Er..." Ciel averted his gaze, blushing. "It's not what I meant. I don't think it's fair for me to have that  _cool_  nickname when my friends don't..."

Next to him, the giggles subsided.

"Oh, I see!" Joker chuckled happily. "You shouldn't worry 'bout that, Smile. 'Course we thought 'bout 'em too. Agni 'nd Soma are both names of Indian deities, that's why I chose to keep 'em like that. They're powerful names."

"I see," the boy whispered with dismay. Not only he was the only one bearing a name, it had to be the most  _stupid_  nickname in the whole world. And his idiotic friends were still making fun of him.

He couldn't blame them, actually. If they were on his place, he'd probably done the same thing. Yet, he was Ciel Phantomhive, and he couldn't stand being a mockery. He seethed as he felt how his dignity was slowly being trampled with every minute he was under that tent, and he swore to himself that when this mission was over, he would have no mercy on them.

Agni elbowed Soma discretely to stop him from laughing when he became aware of the boy's sour mood, though he himself couldn't help the little smile tugging at his lips.

"Hey," Joker called his attention, making Ciel look up and stare at the people surrounding him. His new mates. "C'mon Smile, smile!"

"...Nice to meet you," Ciel said unenthusiastically.

* * *

A black figure walked through the crowd of dressed up people. He stopped as he met with a man in a pretty red dress. God, he  _did_  look like a woman —it was confusing sometimes, and yet, he was the person he trusted the most in that wicked circus...

"What's all this fuss about?" Black asked as he poked the redhead's shoulder.

"Ahh, Sebas-chan~!" she chanted happily as she turned around to meet him and grab his arm possessively.

"I've told you a million times not to call me by that hideous nickname, Grell," Sebastian said bitterly as he moved away.

"Why not? You still call me by my name, so I don't see why that should be a problem. Besides, 'Black' is so boring, I hate that name!"

Sebastian rolled his eyes, knowing that it was a lost cause. "Anyway, you haven't answered my question. Why's everyone gathered around here?"

"Oh, that's because of the newbies."

"Newbies? What are you talking about?"

Grell's eyebrows knitted. "Didn't Joker tell you? I thought he usually consulted you about this stuff."

"No, he didn't," Sebastian grimaced.

"...He invited two guys to join yesterday to help Beast train the animals. Those two, over there," Grell informed, pointing at them in front of the crowd. Sebastian raised his eyes to see two dark-skinned young adults talking between them. Foreigners. Most precisely, they were Indian, if he wasn't mistaken. It wasn't uncommon to find people like them during that time in England.

"I see," Sebastian whispered, scrutinizing the strangers. There was a little figure next to them. It was a boy. He was so tiny and short, it was almost comical. However, there was one blatant detail about him that immediately caught anyone's attention, and it was the black eye-patch covering his right eye.

"What about the kid?" Sebastian questioned.

"Oh, I don't know much about him. I think those two brought him with them. Joker called him 'Smile'," Grell added.

Sebastian eyed the boy once again. He was cute, but there was something else about him. It wasn't the eye-patch anymore, but something else, something he couldn't quite place. It was kind of unnerving.

The million-dollar question finally struck his mind:  _"Could this be the Earl of Phantomhive?"_

No, no, it couldn't be, right? He shouldn't judge people so quickly. Investigating or sending servants were one thing, but entering to the circus was taking it to another level. No one, not to mention a  _nobleman_ , would like to join a place like this. It was completely out of question.

And yet, he couldn't help feeling suspicious about it. He made his way through the rest of the crowd, forgetting about Grell who started whining; and went right away with Joker.

"What is this, Joker?" he interrupted.

Ciel's eyes widened as he recognized the person in front of him. Of course, how could he have forgotten him? He was the magician from the day before!

"Black! So glad yer 'ere to meet our new friends..." Joker stated keenly. Sebastian narrowed his eyes.

"Yes, I see that," he retorted bitterly. "What I wanted to know, though, was who gave you permission to hire them."

"Oh, c'mon. These guys are amazin'! These ones 'ere were able to stop Malaya's tantrum yesterday without hittin' her," he placed each one of his hands on Agni's and Soma's shoulder. Then he gestured Ciel and ruffled his hair, "'N this little one here's pretty skillful at knife-throwing and tightrope walking, don't let that skinny frame fool ya~!"

"...Yes. But you're not the one to choose them. You're not the ringleader."

Joker smirked slyly.

"May I remind you, Black...  _Neither are you_."

"You're not the ringleader?" Ciel interfered, aghast. If neither of those men, who seemed so very influential weren't actually the ringleaders, then who could it be?

Both men looked at him. Ciel didn't like the way Black stared at him: it was like he suspected him already. Joker, on the other hand, looked as friendly as ever.

"No, my lil' friend," Joker answered, messing his hair once more. Sebastian's eyes narrowed even more. "I'm a bit like a hired shop manager... The ringleader's a different scary guy. Black and I are in charge of the circus while he's not 'ere."

"Yes," Sebastian hissed with bile, "We  _both_  are."

"Oh, c'mon, don't be so mean! I'm sorry," Joker chuckled airily. "Geez, sometimes Beast 'n you are so alike."

"That's because you trust people so easily."

Joker shrugged. "Maybe, but does that mean they can stay?"

Sebastian glanced at him, then at the child and then at the duo behind him, whispering between them in a language he didn't understand. As he examined them carefully, he realized that they looked kind of naïve. The little boy should be too, maybe... After all, what could a one-eyed child do? He was letting his paranoia take over him.

Sebastian pursed his lips. He didn't like not being ignored for decisions like that, but he supposed there was no danger in letting them stay after all.

_But this boy... He's just..._

Sebastian sighed and turned his back on them, leaving proudly when he said:

"Fine."

"Blimey!" Joker exclaimed at Ciel. "So c'mon, I'll now take you on a quick tour to the backstage area. Follow me," Joker indicated and they did as he said.

He showed them the tents of the newcomers and workers, also known as the 'second-tier members'. The tents were really small and two or three people shared each one. Both Soma and Ciel looked as if they didn't like what they were seeing: after all, they were used to all kinds of luxuries. Soma murmured something in Hindi and Agni just gave him a comforting smile and a shrug. The prince sighed.

Joker didn't seem to notice the disenchantment of his companion as he continued talking. He also showed them the store-room, the first aid tent, and the main cast's private tent. This captured Ciel's attention, and Joker explained him that you could get a private room only if you were really good and became a first-tier member, as well as explained some other benefits. He emphasized to be careful with Snake's tent, since there were poisonous snakes roaming there freely.

"...By the way," Joker said after a short silence. "What happened to your right eye, Smile?"

"Eh?" Ciel gasped, drawing his hand to his eye-patch involuntarily. He wasn't expecting the sudden question. "Ah... this is... there was an accident..."

It seemed that Joker mistook Ciel's dumbfounded babbling for indisposition to talk about the subject and not for being taken by surprise, because his gaze softened and he cupped his cheek tenderly as he tried to comfort him:

"Is that so. So young, but you've been through a lot," and then he smiled reassuringly, patting his head. Ciel did nothing but stare in astonishment. "Everyone here's been through something, so you'll get along well with 'em... Oh, and now we're touching the subject... I'm sorry 'bout Black, y'know. He may look cold, but he's kind after all. He's just got a hard time trustin' new people, but I think you'll get along just fine."

"I see," Ciel murmured under his breath. "So, what happened to him?"

Joker blinked. "What d'you mean, Smile?"

"...You said everyone here's been through something, and you also said Black's got a hard time trusting people. Well, something must have happened to him for him to act that way," he reasoned.

Joker seemed to be taken aback by Ciel's speech and the seriousness it held despite coming from a boy his age. Well, Ciel was talking on experience. This man, Black, he seemed intelligent and incredibly talented. Ciel both liked and disliked him at the same time, as contradictory as that sounded. He disliked his pride and the way he'd looked down on them from the very beginning, but he also liked the fact that he seemed like a difficult opponent. Even if he wasn't going to admit it, Black reminded him of himself. And even if that meant he might be a nuisance to get rid of, Ciel couldn't help the excitement it gave him.

He loved the thrill.

"Oh, 's not my business to talk about that. Maybe if you get to know 'im he'd like to tell you som'day."

Ciel hummed, a tad disappointed.

"Y'know," Joker continued, "most of the first-tier members're all from the same hometown. We're all childhood friends; 'cept for Black, Red Death 'n Snake. But they've proven to be really good at what they do, so they quickly became first-tier's."

"Really?" now it was Soma who asked; "And do you become a first-tier member?"

Joker shrugged.

"Can't say there's really a way. You'll just have to do yer best!"

They kept walking and entered one of the tents. Once inside, they finally stopped.

"Right, this's the practice tent."

It was huge, and there were lots of people. Trapeze artists, tightrope walkers, jugglers, ballerinas, acrobats, etcetera. The trio stared in amazement at the wonderful performers as Joker gave them some advices, and then...

"Joker! It's almost your turn!" a feminine, angered voice shouted. Everyone turned to look at her: it was the tamer, Beast. She cast a glare at the Indian duo. "And you two, what are you waiting for? Come with me so I can show you the animals," she bit out.

They exchanged glances and then looked at Ciel, not knowing if they should leave him alone. The boy whispered he'd be okay, so they ended up leaving him.

Now on his own, Ciel stood there not knowing what to do. He certainly wasn't going to practice, not after the entrance test fiasco. There were still bruises on his body.

He sat down and started stretching though, just to give the appearance that he was actually doing something. He started thinking of the children as he tried to touch the tips of his feet. Where could they be hidden? He hadn't noticed anything out of normal. Sure, he hadn't searched carefully yet, but the circus didn't seem precisely suspicious. As he got absorbed in his thoughts, suddenly...

"Hey! Don't stretch so sluggishly, Smile!" Dagger appeared in front of him. Ciel frowned, not now.

He stood up and stared at him. Dagger wore an immense grin.

"First, you gotta decide your program. What're you hoping for?"

"I—"

"Dagger," a voice interrupted them. "Leave him to me."

It was the magician, Black.

"Black! Weren't you busy practicing?"

"I've already finished," Black said, and his cold gaze landed in Ciel. The teen almost shivered. "I'll work with this kid. Why don't you go practice with the other newbie?"

Dagger shrugged, and his grin never left his face. "Alright! Smile, yer about to learn from the best!"

Ciel raised an eyebrow. Another newcomer? Did he mean Soma, or Agni? But they were with Beast...

"...So, what can you do?"

Ciel turned to meet Black's gaze. He shrugged trying to pretend being indifferent, though there was an awkward sensation in his stomach that told him that this wasn't going right. He wasn't actually good at anything that involved acrobatics or things like that and now he couldn't rely on Soma and Agni's help, so he needed to make up an excuse now.

"I don't know, but Dagger said I had to choose my routine first, so I can't—"

"Why don't we see what you're good at?" Black said, folding his arms. He towered over Ciel, and honestly, he was quite the imposing figure, but that didn't stop Ciel from responding impatiently:

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means that you're gonna do everything I tell you to until we find out how you can help."

"That's not fair at all!" Ciel snapped, terrified. "That'd be like doing  _another_  test. I already proved I was able to be here."

"That's right, to  _be_  here. However, that doesn't mean you can  _stay_. We can't give us the luxury of feeding useless people. Anyway, what are you worrying about? If you were able to pass the entrance test then this won't be hard for you either."

Ciel swallowed, feeling himself going pale. "But I... I don't—"

"I knew you cheated, but I didn't think it'd be so easy to catch you," the older male sneered, walking around Ciel. The latter felt his heart skip a beat, his mind racing as he digested Black's words.

"...The pebble trick, wasn't it?" At the boy's expression, Sebastian's mocking grin broadened. "I knew it. I gotta give some credit to your friends, though. It's not an easy one —I used it to get Grell into the circus."

"Y-you can't prove that," Ciel stammered. How did he know? He hadn't even been there during the test!

"Can't I?" Sebastian said defiantly, drawing his hand to his pocket and placing a pebble in Ciel's open palm.

The teen blanched even more, if possible.

"There were many of them when you left. I thought I'd show Joker, but where's the fun in that? I'd rather see you suffer," he finished with a sadistic smile that gave Ciel the chills. "So, let's start. Prove me why you should stay,  _Smile_."

Ciel took a deep breath. This didn't seem like it would be easy at all; and he didn't know how, but he was going to do it. Nobody ever challenged the Earl of Phantomhive and got out of it victorious.

And there were no exceptions.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, here's chapter 4! Things are getting interesting :) Hope you enjoy! (and I can't wait for episode 4 subs to come! just in one more hour, I think :3)

Ciel wheezed and panted, hands and knees on the ground as he tried to catch his breath. Black had him do everything: tightrope walking and throwing knives —again—, juggling, balancing on big balls, jumping on the trampoline, etc. The worst part of it was that he wouldn't let it go until Ciel got it at least more or less right, since he said he was "feeling generous". God, if that was being generous, Ciel didn't want to know what was being cruel.

The last straw was when Black asked him to jump through a ring on fire: ("I'm not gonna do that! You want me to burn alive, don't you?"); and Black only chuckled, not even trying to deny it.

Ciel only wanted to rest at that point, but he had to wait for the man's verdict and hope that it was over. Oh, he should have known better for the way Black was smiling.

"Your level of stamina leaves much to be desired," he pointed out, earning a glare from the exhausted boy.

"Well, what did you expect? I'm pretty sure no one can do all those things without ending up completely drained," he said between gaps.

"I can," Black shrugged.

Ciel retorted something Sebastian couldn't understand, but he let it go. Watching him struggle was a good payback anyway.

"Stand up," he ordered. "We're not finished yet."

"What?!" Ciel did as he was told, but mostly due to impression. He followed Black, for he was already walking away. "Just what else are you putting me through? I already did everything that can be done here!"

"Not really. Now shut up and do as I tell you, or do I need to remind you that your stay here depends on me?" Black's voice dripped self-satisfaction. It was obvious he was rejoicing in the fact that he had the control, and Ciel couldn't do anything but seethe about it. They walked around the tent until they finally reached the base of a trapeze. Black started climbing one of the ladders and Ciel blanched, staring at him with wide eyes.

"What is this?" he asked in a trembling voice.

"A trapeze," Black said, rolling his eyes and speaking like he was dealing with a stupid person. "Now go and climb the other ladder."

"B-But..." Ciel recoiled a few steps and gulped audibly. Tightrope walking was one thing, but swinging and making all kinds of somersaults in the air was completely different. And there was no lifeline or safety net.

"Oh. Are you scared?"

Ciel wasn't as stupid as to fall for that obvious, cliché bait. He glowered at the man.

"I'm not scared of anything," he said.

"Good," Sebastian nodded, climbing a few steps more. "Then prove it."

Well, damn it. Ciel wasn't going to let this guy think he was weak. He was going to demonstrate him that he could do whatever he wanted to do, and he could do it better. He growled something unintelligible and sank his nails deep into his palms, walked to the other ladder and started climbing.

Sebastian hummed as reached the end of the ladder and waited for the boy.

"You're too slow," he declared when Ciel reached the end of the other ladder, causing him to make a 'tch' sound.  _"Don't be rude, don't be rude,"_  the little earl tried to remind himself.

"Listen carefully. You're gonna repeat everything I do now, okay?"

Ciel nodded curtly, thus Sebastian proceeded to take the bar of the trapeze and took a little impulse. He swayed in the air perfectly and Ciel couldn't help gaping as he started with the acrobatics and somersaults. The way his body moved made everything look like it didn't require any energy; how he let himself go, as if gravity was the one that was making all the work, but at the same time looking so graceful... He looked like a crow, flying freely in the skies, navigating them, like a sinfully perfect dark angel.

"Did you see it?"

...and then it was over.

Ciel blushed when he realized he'd been staring dumbly. He wished Black hadn't noticed, but by his smirk Ciel knew he had. Ciel nodded curtly.

"Okay. Now repeat it. I'll be watching you from the ground."

Sebastian took the ladder and went down. When he reached the ground Ciel closed his eyes tightly, took the trapeze and let himself go without the slightest idea of how he was going to do it. The sooner he finished, the better. He just hoped gravity and luck were on his side.

He felt ashamed for the little noise that left his mouth when his feet were not touching anything anymore. He opened his eyes, but he regretted it immediately. He was flying so high, and if he fell it would be a certain death or at least a terribly painful incident he didn't want to experience. His hands were starting to feel sweaty and his arms numb and tickling.  _"Oh no, not now, please, not now,"_ he thought. He'd never been physically strong, and his frail limbs were already at its limit. Panicking, he tried to hold on, but his fingers started slipping little by little and he closed his eyes, hoping in vain that the fall wouldn't be too painful when, inevitably, he fell.

He could feel himself plummeting. It was like he'd left his stomach up there. He couldn't breathe well, let alone scream. It wasn't like screaming would be of any help, anyway. One or two tears left his eyes; and as he understood that he could never prepare himself for the final impact, it came.

He hit something hard, although not as hard as he had imagined the ground to be. His body bounced a bit, but nothing else happened. He expected something much more dramatic —hearing his bones cracking like cookies, seeing his blood spraying on the floor like some kind of sinister work of art; feeling the life seeping out of him like a plague. End up like Humpty Dumpty. And even though he didn't like life that much, he couldn't lie to himself: he was actually scared of death, like any other human being. However, as he opened his eyes and met with Black's, it hit him.

Black had caught him. Ciel was lying in his arms like a bride in her groom's. He didn't know why Black did it when he'd left clear that he didn't like him that much, but Ciel actually felt thankful.

He closed his eye once again and leaned into Sebastian's chest without really realizing what he was doing. He inhaled his scent heavily: it was nice, actually; and it helped to soothe Ciel a little. He could already feel the adrenaline wearing off and leaving him drained, the sweat covering his body — _eww_. He touched his own face to confirm that he was actually there and it wasn't a hallucination caused by the pain.

It wasn't.

"Seriously," it was Black's voice, and it didn't sound like he'd make any effort at all. There was a little hint of bewilderment, but that was it. Ciel's eye opened again. "What the hell were you doing? You could have died."

Ciel's heart was fluttering quickly in his chest, in his throat, and pounding in his ears. He was struggling to get air, and tried to calm himself in order to prevent an asthma attack.  _Breathe in, breathe out_.

Somehow, Ciel couldn't find his voice. It was better that way though; his thoughts didn't make much sense anyway. Incapable of forming a sentence, he stared at his savior for a few seconds more. Black resembled his father a bit: they both had those soft but firm features; those conspicuous eyes that understood everything and that kind but cold smile that made everyone feel a false sense of trust.

Ciel squeezed his eye shut and dismissed those thoughts. It was just bullshit, anyway. Remembering his father wouldn't help with this mission at all.

When he finally felt like he was able to speak again, he mumbled hoarsely:

"Thank you."

Black let a little smile tug at his lips. "Well, if I couldn't handle something like that, what kind of performer would I be?"

Ciel rolled his eyes at his arrogance, but didn't respond.

"...Are you able to stand?" Black asked, his voice serious this time. Ciel blushed furiously as he realized the position they were still in.

"I-I think so," he whispered nervously.

Black sighed, placing the teen on the ground carefully, as if he were a delicate doll. It only made Ciel more impatient. He tried to free himself from Black's protective touch and almost fell as he noticed his knees were still too weak. Luckily, Sebastian caught his wrist before he touched the ground.

Ciel snapped his hand away once he was firm. "W-what are you doing?! Don't treat me like a child."

Black cocked an eyebrow behind him as Ciel started walking away. "But you're a child."

Ciel glared at him and Black just smiled with mirth, following him.

"By the way, you can call me Sebastian," Black announced with a sigh. "We're gonna have to get used to each other, since we have a long way to go with your training."

Ciel's eye widened and his face went pale as he turned to face Sebastian, dread written all over his features. "Y-you mean it wasn't just for today?!"

Sebastian snorted. He resisted the urge to roll his eyes, though.

"Of course not,  _Smile_. I'll be your coach until you excel at everything you do here."

"What if I don't want you to?" Ciel defied him.

Scarlet eyes narrowed dangerously.

"Did you ever hear me asking for your opinion?"

"Tch. You're not my father, you know," Ciel hissed, amusing Sebastian even more. He chose to ignore his smug grin. He'd think of a solution later, for he was exhausted to keep arguing and just wanted to go to bed. "So, where am I gonna sleep?"

Sebastian shrugged. "It's not me who decides that. Let's go with the others to see," he pointed with his head at the opposite direction of the tent, where a crowd was gathering. Ciel nodded. Excited whispers and exclamations made themselves present as they approached the group of people.

"...Wow, that's amazin'!"

"He's just awesom'."

"But what's he holdin' there?"

Sebastian frowned. "Dagger, what's going on here?"

"Black! We've got another super-newbie," Dagger chanted happily as he pointed up at a man walking on the tightrope and balancing with a long stick with clippers at its ends. "He was some sorta government worker and he's totally serious, see. Hey, come down for a second, Suit!" Dagger called him.

"What the hell is that?!" Sebastian asked with dread as the man threw the weapon at him. He barely dodged it.

The unknown man jumped from high above and landed on his legs perfectly, offering his hand to Sebastian. "William T. Spears, nice to meet you."

"Black," Sebastian said, accepting the hand reluctantly. "What is that?"

William adjusted his glasses with the clippers of his weapon. "This is my death scythe. I'm a grim reaper."

"..."

"Give it up, forehead!" Dagger exploded of laughter all of a sudden, smacking him playfully on said part. "You said it with such a straight face, I couldn't tell you were joking!" then he looked at Sebastian; "He's been doin' this for a while now. Stuff like  _'how about this soul...'_  He's a real hardcore occult fan!"

"I'm not joking, though." William clarified.

"...Riiiiight," Sebastian answered. He didn't know who was crazier, but he was definitely keeping an eye on that man.

"This small friend 'ere is Smile, and the big one is Black, as you already know," Dagger officially introduced them. "Well, bond over yer hopes and get along well!"

"Where's Joker?" Sebastian asked Dagger.

"Oh, he's comin' soon. He was sorting out the room assignments since you were busy."

"I see. Thank you."

Dagger nodded perkily and Ciel let himself fall on the floor with a sigh. He was barely able to stand. And where were Agni and Soma?

As if he'd summoned them with just thinking about them, the duo appeared with Joker and Beast. They seemed to be getting along fine, except for the girl, who was scowling. Aside of that, Ciel mentally thanked that these guys were friendly. It could be helpful sometimes.

"Thanks for waiting," Joker announced as all the newcomers gathered. "It's time for the new arrivals' room assignments. Huh... Smile's not very cheerful," Joker noticed Ciel's aura when he saw him sitting down on the floor with Black behind him, staring at him blankly. "Smile, Smile!"

"Y-yes," Ciel answered, flustered.

Joker winked at him and went on. "For fairness, these're the results of a lottery. Smile's in tent 8. Here's your roommate," he said as he introduced him to a smiley boy. His hair was brown and his fringe covered his left eye. His visible eye was blue and his face was covered with freckles. He wore simple, loose clothes.

Ciel couldn't help his disappointment as he found out he was having a roommate. The boy seemed nice and everything, but that meant that discussing with his accomplices would be tougher.

"Agni and Soma are in tent 9."

The trio exchanged shocked glances between them. "Whaa—?! Wait, Joker, does that mean that Smile and we aren't together?!"

"Hmm... No, sorry. Yer roommate's Suit, actually," Joker informed, but then giggled reassuringly. "Well, this is your chance to make new friends!"

"B-but—" Ciel started.

"It's nice to meet you, Smile!" the freckled boy sang happily. Ciel looked down.

"Yeah," he said weakly.

Soma raised a brow, staring at his new roommate. "So, what's that thing you're carrying around?"

"A death scythe. I'm a grim reaper."

* * *

"Hey, can I take the top bunk?" Ciel's roommate, whose nickname was Freckles, asked Ciel as he was already climbing the ladder to the bed. Not like Ciel minded, actually. In fact, he disliked climbing, and he didn't think his body could take any physical effort anymore.

"Go ahead. I think I prefer the bottom anyways."

"S'been on my mind for a while," the teen looked at Ciel from the bed; "You speak some pretty fancy upper class English, don'tcha?"

"Pardon?" Ciel answered involuntarily, as if to stress said fact to his roommate. When he realized his mistake, he added nervously: "R-really? It's probably because I'd been working in a house since I was little..."

"Blimey. Anyhoo, you just gimme a shout if there's somethin' you ain't ettin'! There's a long life of circus ahead of you!" Freckles offered as he searched for something within his bag. He offered Ciel some candies when he found them. "Oh, righ', wanna 'ave some sweets? Them's from the popular Funtom Company! What'd you like, caramel, milk, or strawberry-flavored?"

"Well, um... I'll take caramel," Ciel faked a smile while he thought how frustrating his day had been, and it seemed he wouldn't even be able to go to the other tents. He accepted the sweet and thought of how ironic was consuming his own products.

He barely made himself comfortable in the bed when sleep was already pulling him down. He didn't even mind —didn't even notice— the mattress was too hard for his liking. The last thing he thought was that the following day promised to be incredibly tiring as well, and he hoped this would be a long night of rest as he drifted off to slumber.

* * *

His new roommates were probably at their newly assigned tent. Their names were Soma and Agni. They were a little noisy, but William didn't really mind them as long as they wouldn't interfere with his job.

He was walking to the tent as well as giving the circus a quick inspection. At least on the surface, it didn't look like there was something bad about it. It was silent since it was kind of late already and most of the performers should be resting by then. The death god was musing about that when he suddenly stumbled with a redhead that had been —literally— kicked out of one of the tents ("Ahh, Sebas-chan, you didn't have to be so mean!"). Will's glasses fell when he did, and he immediately lost his vision. His death scythe made a  _clash_  sound next to him when it hit the ground. Will could only distinguish a mass of red and heard the loud cry the person beneath him let out when William fell over them.

"My glasses... where are my glasses?" William searched desperately for them, feeling the ground in order to find them. He heard a little giggle and felt when someone put them on the bridge of his nose.

"My, my, you're really blind without them, aren't you, handsome?"

Everything became clear again, allowing Will to see the pretty face just centimeters away from him. His eyes widened as he caught sight of the stranger's bright green irises, but she wasn't wearing glasses; and Will didn't know that another death god had been assigned that mission already, nor did he know her...

Wait a minute, weren't all death gods supposed to be  _male_?

"Ahh, but why haven't I seen you around? I thought I knew all the attractive men here!" she exclaimed as she clung to Will's shoulder. William, recovering from his shock, shoved her away. Grell fell to the ground and groaned, but as she stood up to remove the dust from her clothes and call for that man that caught her attention ("Oh, darling, I love that you're so cold to me!"), Will had already disappeared into the night.

* * *

William didn't sleep in the circus that night. Instead, he visited the Death God's library and searched for the redhead's record.

Grell Sutcliff. Twenty-five years, human. Born male, psychologically female. And the reason behind her green, death god-like eyes was none other than that she was supposed to become a death god after her death.

And William found himself too interested in her.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there! Aasdasdsadd I'm super excited today because I just watched episode 5 and I really can believe how loyal this season's been to the manga! And it just keeps getting better and better. Oh well, I need to stop fangirling...
> 
> Oh, and btw. I know that Freckles is actually a girl, but Ciel doesn't know that at the beginning and thinks she's a boy. Therefore why I referred to her as a boy in a few parts, well just when Ciel refers or thinks about her. Anyway, hope you enjoy! :)

The next day, just as Ciel predicted, was terribly tiring. Not only did he have to wake up early and dress himself —which was harder than he'd ever thought—, but also Freckles, his roommate, told him that the newbies had to prepare breakfast. Wonderful, really. Ciel carried a heavy wooden bucket with lots of potatoes in it which he was supposed to peel. Agni and Soma were God knows where, so Ciel was on his own to do the hard work he wasn't used to.

Unfortunately, his blatant inexperience showed and Freckles berated him after he peeled excessively the potatoes, leaving them as thin as a wafer. But it was too late anyway, because Ciel had peeled most of them already.

"I'm sorry!" he apologized frenetically as he noticed Freckles dismay.

"My, my. What's going on here?"

"Black!" Freckles squealed.

Ciel went completely pale.  _"_ _Not him, not now please_ , _"_  he thought bitterly. Sebastian was accompanied by his assistant, Red Death.

"Smile peeled the potatoes wrong. Dunno what we're gonna eat now," Freckles informed.

"I see," Sebastian said, holding what was left of a potato in his hand and inspecting it. "How clumsy of him."

"Hey! Don't speak of me like I'm not here!" Ciel reproached.

"Anyway, 'tis my fault. Guess I shoulda paid more attention to him," Freckles interceded, feeling a bit guilty.

"No, it was his fault and he should assume his responsibility for it," Sebastian said coldly. Ciel frowned, the dislike was mutual, but Black had no reason to speak of him like that. He didn't even know him!

"Well, I guess I shall deep fry them as they are into crisps and make them into fish and chips," Sebastian offered.

"Cor! I love those!" Freckles exclaimed.

"Ah, Sebas-chan! You're always so intelligent!" Red Death said.

"Of course I am. Someone's got to solve this mess. And Smile, you're helping me. You've got to learn from your mistakes," he finished.

"I... all right," Ciel grumbled as the man shot him a deadly glare. He glared back, but decided it would be better to work along and finish with it as soon as possible.

"I'll help ya too," Freckles offered. Ciel inwardly thanked her for doing so. He certainly didn't want to be all alone with Sebastian. Freckles placed his hand on Ciel's shoulder in a comforting gesture as Sebastian started preparing everything they would need. He shook the clinging redhead away and started explaining them how to cook everything. Red Death —whose name apparently was Grell, or at least that was how Sebastian referred to her— tried to flirt every now and then, only to be rejected every time. Freckles giggled. And Ciel... Well, Ciel seethed every time Sebastian asked him to hand him or do something and made a sneaky remark on his way of doing things.

"Then do it yourself!" Ciel snapped after a while. Grell and Freckles fell silent.

"And what do you think I'm doing?" Sebastian replied sarcastically. "Honestly. I don't know why I requested your help. You're just making me lose my time."

"Well, I didn't ask for this either!"

"Black, I think yer bein' a little tough on Smile... I mean, he's just a newbie—"

"Stay out of it, Freckles. He's gotta learn his lesson."

"Sebas-chan—"

"Black," Joker arrived just in time. "Ya busy?"

Sebastian let out a frustrated sigh, glaring at the cooking team.

"Kind of. Is something the matter?"

Joker nodded. "Yeah. I need to talk to you... 's kinda urgent. D'you think they can handle this on their own?"

Sebastian shrugged. "I don't know...  _can they_?"

"Of course we can. We don't need you," Ciel snarled with poison, showing his bare teeth like an animal. Joker seemed startled at the palpable tension in the atmosphere.

"Smile," he whispered in awe.

"He means we'll be okay! Right, Red Death?" Freckles interfered, faking a giggle.

"Huh? Ah, of course! Don't you worry, handsome~!" Grell said overenthusiastically. At least it seemed like their little show worked, because Joker grinned.

"'Kay then. See, they're fine. Shall we go now?"

Sebastian and Ciel glared at each other before the former turned on his heel and left with Joker.

"Well, just do what I told you, and hopefully the tent won't get on fire."

"Haha. Yer always so funny, Black!" Freckles feigned as the duo disappeared from their sight and exhaled a breath of relief.

"Uff. Hey, quit that expression. He's already left."

Ciel hadn't noticed how hard he was clenching his teeth or how deep his nails were sinking in his palms until then.

"S-sorry," he apologized. "It's just... I hate that man!"

"I know he was a little mean to you, but..."

"Haa," Grell sighed loudly, catching Ciel and Freckles' attention. He was already beginning to cook the fish. "You know, he can be a real pain in the ass sometimes, but he's got his reasons. He's a good friend, deep down."

"Hmph," Ciel hissed. "If you say so."

"No, really, I mean it. It's just... he doesn't trust people so easily, so he prefers working on his own. It took years for him to trust me, and he still hides things away from me sometimes. And I've known him for ages."

"Really?" Freckles asked. "I see, that's why yer good friends! But how d'you know each other?"

Ciel didn't want to admit it, and he wouldn't admit it out loud, but he was actually interested in hearing that story too. Joker had said something alike about Sebastian before, which made Ciel wonder... What could have happened to him? What could he be hiding? If someone knew about suffering, that was Ciel.

"Oh," Grell mouthed as Freckles and Ciel helped him with the fish. "You want to hear that story? Alright, but promise me you won't tell Sebas-chan I told you. He wouldn't want people to find out about his past."

"I swear!"

"Me too," Ciel whispered, crossing his fingers behind his back. Freckles and Grell were busy cooking, so they didn't notice.

"Good. Well, er... Sebas-chan... He's from a noble family. Oh, don't make that face, it was kinda obvious, don't you think?" Grell said when looking at the surprised expressions from the duo. Now that Ciel thought about it, she was right. Sebastian was graceful, well-mannered —most of the time— and cultured; which was evident in his speech compared to the other members of the circus.

"...my family, the Sutcliffs, weren't noble, but pretty rich nonetheless," Grell went on. "The Michaelis —Sebastian's family— and the Sutcliffs were on pretty good terms since our fathers went to the same school, Weston College or something like that. Mr. Michaelis owned a company, and my father was always his right hand. That's why I met Sebby. I really wanted to be his friend since the first time I saw him, but eventually I grew to not care about him because we were completely opposite and he always ignored me. It was until his mother died..."

"His mother died?!" Freckles interrupted, shocked. Ciel didn't say anything, but he stopped chopping the meat to glance at Grell.

"Oh, I didn't mention that, did I?" she giggled with sadness. "Yes, his mother died when he was very young. I think he was about ten, maybe eleven."

"Oh. That sucks. Poor Black," Freckles whispered sympathetically, looking at the ground. Ciel frowned. He hated when people acted like they understood the pain of someone they didn't really know.

"Heh, but that's not it," Grell continued. "It was after her funeral that we became friends. I felt really sorry for him, he looked so damn sad... I went there and gave him a hug. It was the first time he didn't reject me," she sighed, looking away. She shrugged after a minute. "Anyway, things just got worst for the Michaelis once the Lady died. Both Sebby and Mr. Michaelis loved her very much, and her loss caused tension between them. I never understood why, but they didn't seem to like each other. Mr. Michaelis became a drunkard and a gambler, and eventually lost all of his money. Sebas-chan... he just spent his time in the library or in the gardens, trying to forget his problems I guess. Sometimes we visited them."

Grell made a pause to breathe before her face contorted in a displeased grimace, like she didn't like what came next. She finally exhaled:

"My father, that despicable human being... The only reason we visited them was because he was worried about their business. If the company broke, he'd end up jobless and that meant no more luxuries for us anymore. I knew his intentions and I still hate how I never told him how egoist he was being, but I actually liked those visits, because it meant I could spend more time with my Sebas-chan."

"...But no amount of talk could convince Mr. Michaelis. He was far too deep into the hole and he completely lost himself. It finally happened one day: Mr. Michaelis killed himself after two years of his wife's demise. His body was found in his bedroom with a gun at his side and his blood all over the sheets of his bed and the floor. But I didn't care about that. What I cared about was to see how Sebby was doing."

There was another pause, and for a minute everything was in silence as Freckles and Ciel just waited for Grell to continue, feeling sorry but not knowing what to say.

Finally, Grell spoke.

"I remember the night of the funeral very clearly. I remember people's comments regarding the  _'terrible tragedy'_  and the  _'poor little orphan'_. But Sebas-chan stood there in front of his father's coffin in a very regal way. Of course, the minute I saw him, I ran towards him and hugged him, crying for his loss. He had no family left, no money, nothing. But he didn't show any emotion. He said he was okay."

Grell sighed. "Yet next morning, he wasn't there anymore. He'd run away. A wise decision, I now think. Sebas-chan didn't want to be put in an orphanage and he ran before they could get him. I still don't know how he managed to, but I'm kinda glad he did."

"...Of course, back then I wasn't. I'd lost a very dear friend, my only friend, and I felt terribly lonely. However, Mr. Michaelis demise and his son's disappearance benefited my family. My father became the boss of their company and it eventually recovered with the hard work he put in it and the investments he made. I was wealthier, I could attend more parties and meet new people, but I was still alone. I missed Sebby so much. He was the only one who understood me and no matter how rude he was to me sometimes, I knew he didn't mean anything, because he was always by my side. He never asked me to change."

"That's... terrible," Freckles finally said sympathetically. Ciel bit his lip awkwardly, trying not to look very interested. After a tense pause, Freckles added: "'nd how did you meet again?"

Grell smirked mysteriously. "Oh, that's where I'm heading. A few years passed by, and I learned to socialize and behave the way society wanted me to. I still missed Sebastian, but I tried to move on. I gave him for dead. When I turned sixteen, though, was the last straw for me. My parents told me I was marrying some girl. I don't even remember her name by now," she giggled unhappily. "I probably should've seen that one coming, but I didn't. I was so deep into my world I never noticed their intentions when they introduced me to ladies and such. But that night I snapped. I told them everything I thought about them: how egoist and horrible they were. They never cared about me or anyone and they only acted on their benefit. I grew to hate them so much! We screamed terrible things at each other, and I ended up running away from the house. I got drunk and I slept with the first handsome man I found, heh," Grell couldn't hide her blush, but a cat-like grin climbed onto her face, like she was talking about a good memory. Freckles was staring at her with something close to admiration, and Ciel didn't know why. He couldn't be redder. How could Grell be speaking of that kind of things so openly?

"...but my parents caught us and they kicked me out of the house. They told me I was a big disappointment and that I was gonna burn in hell. Ha! I must admit though, I didn't expect that. I thought they'd be offended, of course, but too concerned about the scandal it'd cause to disinherit their only child and kick him out of the house forever. I kinda had the hope that they'd scold me or ground me forever, but they'd release me from the engagement. I thought that when their wrath was calmed, they'd be able to understand me better. Pff, now I notice how naïve I was," she snorted, rolling her eyes. "Those soulless people will never be able to understand anyone except for themselves."

"But what happened with Black? How did you meet again?" Ciel pressured, causing both Grell and Freckles to look at him. The redhead smirked; she didn't think Smile was interested in the story until that point. Ciel averted his eyes, flustered. He should've acted more casual.

"Oh. Sorry, I missed the point. Didn't think you'd want to know more about him, though," Ciel blushed, and Grell only gave a snicker and threw a strand of red hair away. "Ha, don't worry boy, it's no big deal. We won't tell anyone, right Freckles?" she winked at said child, who nodded and giggled in return. Grell interrupted Ciel before he could retort. "Anyway, after running away, I spent some months living in the streets, doing whatever I had to do to get through the days. It was until one day that I tried to steal some handicapped brat who was missing an arm —who turned out to be Joker— that I met Sebastian again. He was defending Joker, but he was the same Sebastian I once knew, unless this time, they called him  _'_ _Black'_."

"...Sebastian recognized me immediately and we cleared up the misunderstanding. He introduced me to Joker and he easily admitted me into his crew. Then I met you guys, and we founded this circus, and I guess that's pretty much it," Grell finished with a sincere smile.

"I do remember that. The first time I saw you I thought ya were so weird, with all yer red hair 'nd such!" Freckles exclaimed with excitement, eyes bright. "But it was even weirder than Black, the newest 'nd the quietest of us, found a friend. I was happy to hear 'bout it!"

"Haha. You know, I kinda like this place. I mean, it's nothing fancy, but at least I can be myself here."

Ciel cleared his throat, catching their attention again.

"I'm sorry, but you said you found Sebastian again a long while after he'd sneaked away. If that's so... What happened to him during those years you weren't with him? Was he with Joker and you guys all that time?"

Freckles shrugged. "Probably. I don't really remember, y'know? I was little."

Grell shook her head and shrugged too. "Well, I don't really know. Sebas-chan never talks about that period of time."

"What?! But you said you were his friend!" Ciel complained.

"Yeah, and I also said he still doesn't tell me some stuff. Although..." she looked away; "I think I have a clue. Anyway, I'm not telling you anything else. Let's get this stuff done."

"But— ah!" Ciel whined when he slid the knife without any care at all and cut the palm of his right hand open. The knife fell on the ground and Ciel drew his hand to his chest.

"Smile, you're bleeding!" Freckles yelled, taking Ciel's fist and examining it. The red liquid was pooling quickly and dripping from his palm and onto the floor already.

"It's nothing..."

"C'mon, let's go with Doc," Freckles ordered, grabbing his wrist and dragging him. "He'll treat that wound."

"I said it's nothing that serious—" Ciel insisted, but it was futile, for Freckles wasn't listening.

"Red Death, take care of ev'rything while I take Smile to Doc's."

"Huh?!" Grell snapped. "You're leaving me alone?!"

"'Tis practically done! Now Smile, follow me."

"But—"

"Sebas-chan!" Ciel heard Grell scream right behind him with glee, and for once, he thanked Freckles for being so bossy. The last thing he wanted was for that man to see him wounded after a simple task he asked them. He'd surely scold or mock him, and Ciel hated both of them. Therefore, he followed after his roommate without protesting any more.

* * *

"There's nothing to worry about. The wound will heal in a few days," Doc reassured them with that soothing, wise tone of his.

"I see," Freckles muttered, turning to the boy. "Sorry Smile, I freaked out."

"Do be more careful, Smile. Alright?" Doctor added. Ciel averted his eyes, suddenly ashamed of being so delicate.

"Thanks," he grumbled.

Freckles smiled at him sympathetically and they left Doc's to go with Grell again, when...

"Smiiiile!" Soma shouted, running towards them and followed by a concerned-looking Agni. "What happened?! We heard you were with Doc, are you okay?!"

"Yes. I accidentally cut my hand while cooking, but I'm fine. Anyway, who told you that? And where have you been all day? I haven't seen you anywhere."

"We were eating, and we didn't see you," Agni said before Soma could start making fun of him for being so clumsy. "We asked Red Death and Black about you, because Joker told us you were in charge of the food. Red Death told us you and Freckles were with Doc. We were worried that anything bad happened to you."

"Is that so. Well, I'm fine, so there's nothing to worry about, but—"

"Hurry up, Smile!" Freckles interrupted, tugging at his sleeve. "Let's go have lunch, or else there'll be nothin' left!"

Ciel sighed as he noticed his impatient roommate. He glanced at Soma and Agni, who stared back at him with puzzled expressions. Ciel wanted a word with them to know if something had happened, and maybe later he wouldn't get the chance.

"Head on. I'll be there in a minute," he told Freckles, hoping she wouldn't be too insisting. And she wasn't. Freckles beamed at Ciel and ran off without asking more questions.

"'Kay! I'll save you a seat!"

Ciel watched her until she was out of sight and then let out a relieved breath before his expression soured into a scowl.

"We're have you been all day?"

"Sorry. They showed and introduced us all the animals, even Snake's friends. This is amazing, Ciel!" Soma said excitedly. He looked like a little kid, but then... this was Soma, he always looked childish.

"We also had to feed them. And we're bathing him after our break, so it's probably taking us all day long. We hope that's not a problem," Agni added, apologizing. Ciel seemed to ponder the information for a minute.

"Hmm... Not really. In my position, I can't do much either with all this work, so I don't blame you."

"So what are we gonna do?" Soma inquired.

"Hmm," Ciel brushed his chin with his fingers. "I was thinking about checking the troupe's tents to find out if they're hiding something. We'll just have to wait till tonight's show, maybe then they'll be distracted enough so we can move around freely. What do you think?"

Soma and Agni smirked at the same time.

"Well... Count with us, Ciel sir."

Ciel mirrored the expression.

"See you till the night, then."

* * *

Ciel reached his roommate at the table, her plate terribly full. Freckles ate incredibly fast.  _'How the hell can he eat like that and be so slim?'_  Ciel wondered. Freckles looked at him, swallowing as Ciel sat down in front of her and flashing him a grin.

"Smile! Ya took much time. I think the meat's already o'er, but don't worry 'cause I can share with you. You're skin 'n bones and so tiny, so eat up and grow some!" she chanted cheerfully as she placed some food in his roommate's plate. Ciel would've considered it a mockery if he didn't know Freckles by now, so he paid no mind; but still pouted when he was called tiny.

"Thank you very much..."

The food was actually good.

Really good, and he didn't want to admit it, but it was thanks to Sebastian. If he hadn't come up with the idea of making potato chips and cooking fish as well as telling them what to do before he left with Joker, there wouldn't be anything to eat. Besides, Ciel was pretty sure that after Freckles and him went with Doc, Sebastian had done a little bit more than help Grell serving.

It didn't take Freckles a lot of time to finish her meal. Ciel wasn't nearly done when his roommate stood from the table and said it was time to practice, so he had no other option but to tag along. He wondered if he could skip practice by using his wounded hand as an excuse; however, it seemed Freckles had already thought about it, for Ciel wouldn't need to grasp anything: they balanced on some enormous balls, and Ciel failed miserably.

After Freckles berated and asked him where his balance had gone, she said it was time for a shower.

"Huh?" Ciel's face brightened up immediately, his eyes shone. "There are showers?"

"Yeah, there are!"

Honestly, it wasn't like Ciel was expecting anything fancy. He wasn't expecting a vast bathtub with aromatic salts or someone to bathe him, but...

"Shower is this?!"

...but he certainly was expecting more than what he saw. Out there in the open there was a part of the troupe, washing themselves shamelessly with buckets filled with water. And where the water was from, Ciel didn't want to know.

Even Sebastian and Grell joined a few seconds later. Ciel was repulsed, how could people like  _them_  —that once had been used to the good life like Ciel was— shower in a place like  _that_?! It was disgusting, honestly; but they didn't seem to mind for they started undressing like everyone else.

"Hey, strip down! I'll wash your back."

And there was this Freckles boy, who seemed always so enthusiastic and a little, just a little too much bossy sometimes. Ciel, of course, protested; but Freckles insisted. The little earl tried to discourage her, but it didn't work as Freckles was starting to get touchy in order to help Ciel, who obviously recoiled. They ended up stumbling with one of the buckets of water and finally fell on the floor, completely soaked with freezing water. Freckles complained, but it wasn't exactly a scolding towards Smile. Ciel was inwardly thankful, thinking the incident would've had washed away Freckles' desire to help him. He was wrong, though. Freckles kept insisting for Ciel to strip, and as she pressed for it, she tried to take off Ciel's shirt. Ciel squirmed and firmly pleaded her to stay away. But Freckles didn't listen, and before Ciel could do anything to avoid it, the child had already lifted Ciel's shirt arguing that he was going to catch a cold.

He heard an audible gasp behind him when his slave mark was exposed.

Ciel could feel all the stares on them. A sudden feeling of repulsion made his stomach churn: the taste of humiliation was bitter.

"Let go of me!" he screamed before getting to his feet and running away before Freckles could regain composure and apologize.

"Smile!"

Too focused in his thoughts, Ciel forgot about the pair of scarlet eyes watching the scene.

"Sebas-chan! Where're you going?!"

Sebastian was one of the few that got see Ciel's mark.

It was like a bucket of cold water washed over him the minute he saw it, which actually was possible —the showers. But there was no real water, just a growing sense of dread inside of him for being so foolish. This was a child that suddenly appeared out of nowhere. He was marked but he was still alive, which meant that he used to belong to someone else but somehow escaped.

Who else could it be, but Ciel Phantomhive himself?

Ciel Phantomhive. Ciel Phantomhive and his friends had been standing under their noses and nobody had realized until then! Well, it wasn't like there was much to see at the circus —but still, they had to be careful, now more than ever. Wasn't that what Sebastian was always telling them? Wasn't that what he was always preparing for? And yet, here they were...

The last of the Phantomhives, that damned family that had broken him and caused part of the trauma that tormented him every night. One of the many reasons why Sebastian hated himself and his life but at the same time, the piece that could be his key to finally be free.

All the time Sebastian thought that he was in control of the circus, but it probably had been the other way around. No, Sebastian wouldn't let this strangers mock them anymore. He wouldn't let Ciel Phantomhive mock  _him_ anymore. Now it was personal. After all, he was still a Michaelis deep down and he still carried their pride, running through his veins, burning like fire...

The Phantomhives had to die. Ciel had to die. Everyone that fooled him had to die!

Sebastian entered his tent in a frenzy. He knelt down and tossed everything he saw in the chest of his austere room, searching wildly for something as well as trying to vent out the anger consuming him and filling every space of his mind.

_It has to be here!_

When did he acquire so many things, anyway? Just a few books he'd had the chance to buy again, clothes and shoes and photos he did not like but couldn't throw away, so he just kept them there, in the bottom of the chest. But where was...

His fingers touched something cold and his features turned into an evil expression.

_Eureka._

He pulled his gun out of the chest and watched it in awe. Fine, now he just needed to load it and find that impostor to blow his brains out. And then his stupid friends. It would be easy and quick: Sebastian was skillful and they we're at the circus, which meant that Ciel's team was at a disadvantage for being in the enemy's territory. Joker and the others would probably go mad at him for rushing his decision and not consulting them first, but they would understand after he explained them everything. But now, he got no time to lose.

He hid the gun in his clothes and left the tent. It wasn't too hard to find Ciel: he was leaning against a pile of boxes, curling up into a ball. Sebastian's eyes narrowed, the bastard looked so defenseless like that. It was the perfect moment to kill him. He wouldn't even notice.

Sebastian drew a hand to his chest in order to take out the gun and finish him off. He was just about to do it, until he noticed the child was trembling.

His heart skipped a beat. He felt a pang on the left side of his torso; and for a minute, he saw himself reflected in Ciel: the fear, the shame, the sadness. He'd been orphaned too, and he'd fought the perversion of this evil world too, just like him. Wasn't the mark on his chest a proof of that? And there they were. Still scared, but still unbeatable. They were survivors. And who was he, to kill a survivor? People like them were few, and they needed to stay together...

It was probably against Father's desire, but then again, what had Father done for him? Sure, he had a place to live now, but in exchange of his innocence, his childhood, his very soul...

No, he didn't need to follow Father's orders anymore. He wouldn't be guilty of the downfall of the last of the Phantomhives. He felt sorry for Joker and the others, but he was used to work alone either way.

He wasn't on Ciel's side, either. Now Sebastian was on his own side, and his only. It was time for him to start taking his own decisions just like he had always wanted. And perhaps this was a bad decision, letting the enemy live, but it was  _his_  and no one could change that. Besides, he didn't think Ciel would get his way so easily. They were as careful as possible not to let other people find out about their little secret. Perhaps Ciel would end up dead in the end anyway, but Sebastian had no longer anything to do with it. And if everything suddenly turned threatening for himself, he wouldn't hesitate about killing the brat. Yet for now, the only thing that he could do was keeping an eye close on him.

Sebastian just hoped he'd made the right decision for himself as he took a towel and approached the little earl on the ground.

"Hey," he mumbled softly. Ciel shot his head upwards and met with Sebastian's imposing form.

"What do you want?!" he roared, eyebrows furrowing deeply. The last thing he wanted at the moment was being made fun of.

Sebastian sighed and knelt on the ground to be at Ciel's height. He offered him the towel as a sign of a truce between them. Ciel cocked his eyebrows in surprise but he took it, looking away as he did so. It was Sebastian's fault that he always made him think the worst of him.

"T-Thank you."

"You're welcome," was the toneless response. He sighed again. "You'll catch a cold. Let me give you a change of clothes."

Ciel eyed him suspiciously. "Why are you being so kind to me? You've made pretty clear that you dislike me."

Sebastian pursed his lips. His skin was staring to burn where it was marred by the scar given to him. He looked to the ground and unbuttoned his shirt reluctantly, opening it just enough for Ciel to see his mark.

Ciel's eye widened and his face went pale.

"That's... that's—"

"Similar to yours, isn't it?" Sebastian completed, looking at Father's hallmark with repulsion. "We're all Father's possessions," he mumbled to himself. Ciel raised an eyebrow, too shocked still to form a sentence.

"Huh?"

Sebastian blinked sadly. He shook his head. "Nothing."

Ciel gulped. He extended his quivering hand involuntarily. "C-can I... Can I touch it?"

Sebastian nodded without saying a word. Ciel caressed the skin just faintly, fearing it would bring back horrible memories. His eyes met Sebastian's, and for a minute, he didn't feel so alone.

"It's hideous, isn't it?" Sebastian said in a low voice filled with shame.

"It really is," Ciel agreed, not bothering to hide his repulsion. "Can I ask you, how was this done to y—?"

"I gotta go. I've got work to do," Sebastian cut off. He stood up and offered Ciel his hand, which the teen took. Somehow, it didn't bother him as much when it was Sebastian the one who touched him

"O-okay," Ciel stammered anxiously. Sebastian nodded curtly and left.

Ciel's grip on the towel tightened. He really wished there was nothing in that circus, because he'd really hate to kill Sebastian now.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I'm in a bit of a rush right now, but here I leave chapter 6. Be warned, this chapter contains sex scenes, mentions of rape and violence (and it's really long lol). Also, you get to know what happened to Ciel's eye in the story. Well, I hope you like! R&R :)

_"If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away, for it is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into Hell."_

—The Bible, Matthew 5:29-30.

* * *

 "Can I sit with you, cutie?"

William looked up from his plate when hearing that voice, even though he knew exactly who it was. Grell was smiling at him, swaying coquettishly with her plate in her hands.

William averted his eyes. Grell was really pretty... for a man. Well, it wasn't like Will really cared about that, but it was just strange.

"Sure. You're able to do as you please," he said with a stern expression. Grell's smile broadened and she sat as close as possible to the man, their arms rubbing against each other. William gulped, for a strange reason it made him nervous; but not necessarily in a bad way.

"You know," Grell said in an attempt of conversation; "I've been wondering... what is that?"

As always, she pointed at the weapon resting next to William. He sighed.

"You and everyone else. I've said it a hundred times: it's a death scythe, and I'm a grim reaper."

"A grim reaper?" Grell raised a brow. William expected some sort of interrogatory, but he was taken by surprise when she added naturally: "You know, I once saw one of them."

Will almost choked on his food. "What?"

Grell shrugged nonchalantly, throwing her hair back. "Yeah. I was walking down the street where this terrible accident happened. A carriage lost control and this marriage died. I also heard that the woman was carrying a baby... It was so sad. And there was this man at the distance, carrying a weird thing like yours..." she frowned. Will's eyes widened, he knew what she was talking about.

"I think... I'm the man you saw," he confessed. Grell looked at him, astonished. "Yes, I remember the accident. Baron Barnett and his wife, Angelina Durless. I also had to seal the soul of their unborn baby..."

Grell gasped. She clung to Will's arm excitedly.

"See?! It's an indication of fate that we should be together, darling! Oh, don't be so mean!" she whined when Will tried to push her away rudely with a frown.

* * *

When they finished eating their meals, they were meant to split up since they had different chores to do. Will was going to practice while Grell said she had a few things to finish before that night's performance. Now that Will thought about it, he didn't know what she did for the show.

"I make the clothes," she said. "Like that suit you're wearing —which by the way, fits you very well, darling— I designed it."

"Is that so," Will answered, contemplating his suit. It didn't sound like an easy job.

"Yeah!" Grell replied perkily. "I'm also Sebas-chan assistant and I made a new dress for tonight's show, would you like to see it?!"

Will didn't even have time to respond, for the redhead grabbed his arm and took him with her. She told him to be patient and wait outside with a wink that made Will awkward, and she disappeared into her tent.

"Are you still there, Will darling?" she asked after a while.

"Yes," he replied.

"Well, you can come in now!"

He did as he was told. The first thing he saw were some killer red heels with little skulls that brought out Grell's figure. Her dress clang to her body: a black and red striped corset, an irregular red skirt that showed some leg and a daring neckline.

"So? How do I look?"

It wouldn't be a lie to say that it took William's breath away. Grell giggled when she noticed his reaction.

"Close your mouth, darling," she said mockingly, approaching him and placing her hands on his shoulders. Will blushed furiously, but this time he didn't push her away.

It wasn't a secret that all death gods had been human once, but they were not allowed to access their old memories. Will didn't know a thing about his past life and he didn't particularly mind, but somehow Grell made him feel human again. Somehow she made him feel  _something_  again.

"Let's dance," she said, embracing his neck. He put his hands around her waist and they both swayed around the tent without music, looking at each other's eyes.

"What are you thinking of?" Grell asked softly.

"I..." William trailed off, feeling his face heating up. He sighed. "I'm thinking of how my life as a human must have been."

Grell saddened. "You don't remember a thing, do you?"

Will shook his head. "No."

Grell exhaled, leaning against Will's chest. "I'm sorry, darling."

"It's fine," Will answered. They kept dancing for a while in comfortable silence, until William accidentally tripped with the bed and they both fell over it.

"S-sorry," William apologized nervously, on top of Grell. His heart raced and he felt an incredible need to kiss her right then, but he couldn't. He couldn't allow himself to get distracted from his work.

He had all the intention of getting up when Grell freaked out at the possibility of losing William and pulled his tie to kiss him. And it was then when Will let go of control for the first time in centuries.

* * *

The night came quickly and with that came the performance too. Sebastian made his way to the main tent, crowded with his circus mates, who were on a frenzy trying to get everything ready.

Nothing out of the ordinary.

He spotted Ciel talking to the Indians, away from other people. He felt a strange mixture of anger and another feeling that he wasn't sure how to describe, but he just knew that he didn't like seeing him with them. Why, though? They were planning their conspiracy; that much was obvious. But it wasn't like Sebastian was supposed to care anymore.

Yet he did.

He was feeling just... confused. He despised Father, but he felt the need to protect his circus mates. They were the closest thing he had to real friends. And deep down... he wanted to protect Ciel, too. He reminded him so much of himself...

He casually made his way to the trio in an attempt to hear what they were talking about, but Ciel saw him right away as he got closer. The boy glowered at him, as if silently scolding him for interrupting a conversation. His two other friends did too, like stressing the fact that Sebastian was uninvited there.

"Look who's here. Did you finish all your work, Black?" Ciel asked sardonically.

Sebastian arched an eyebrow in annoyance, faking a smile.

"Actually, yes. Thanks for asking."

"Black!" Joker suddenly appeared, calling the attention of the four of them. He was carrying Wendy and Peter was with them. They all shared the same troubled expression. "Missy Wendy twist'd 'er ankle, so she can't appear in performance 'nymoor. So Black, please go out in 'er place."

Sebastian blinked, baffled. "I'd love to, Joker, but you know I've gotta prepare my act too, and... Where the hell is Grell?"

"I know, and believe me, I wouldn't ask you if it wasn't this urgent. Been lookin' for Suit or Red Death to replace 'em, but I couldn't find 'em 'nywhere... The show'll be fine if ye do it, Black, so I beg of yer."

"And what about my act?"

Everyone knew that Black's magic was one of the best acts.

"Well... Peter and Wendy's act's followed by Beast's 'nd then yours and Red Death's, so... while Beast's turn, you can git your magic ready. Please, Black..."

Sebastian shrugged. "It's fine by me, but I need a partner. You know as well as I do that Peter doesn't work with any other than Wendy."

Peter hissed, angry that they were talking about him and Wendy like they weren't there. They ignored him. And then, Sebastian turned to Ciel, and said:

"Help me."

"What?! Me?!"

"Yes. I practiced with you, didn't I? You know the basics, you're the only one that can help me right now..."

"Please, Smile... We beg you," said Joker.

Oh, no. Now they were cornering him to say yes. And how could he not, when Joker, Peter and Wendy were looking at him with such eyes? No matter how much he hated this place, Joker was nice. How could he deny him a favor?

He was starting to feel sick.

"Ugh... Okay."

Joker's face brightened up so much he looked like a complete different person for a second. "Thank you. Thank you so much. Now git ready, it'll be yer turn shortly."

Ciel nodded and Joker left with the two children. As soon as they went away, Ciel started walking towards the exit of the tent; followed by Soma and Agni, of course. Black frowned.

"Where are you going?"

Ciel turned around. "Isn't it obvious? I'm going to my tent."

"Why?"

"I need to change."

"You can change here," Black offered, but it sounded more like an imposition. Ciel looked almost offended.

"No way. Here, in front of everybody? Besides, I left my circus clothes in the tent. I'll do it fast, I promise."

Ah, why did this brat have to be so exasperating?! And why was this making him so mad?!

"Okay. Let me accompany you..."

"Sorry," one of the Indians, the white-haired one, stopped him on his tracks. "That won't be necessary. We can help Smile on our own, thank you."

Sebastian glared.

"Agni, Soma, let's go," Ciel ordered. "We've got no time to lose."

And with that, they ignored Sebastian and left without any more words.

* * *

"You've got a plan, Sir?" Agni asked as they arrived to Ciel's tent and started dressing the boy for the show. Luckily, Freckles wasn't there.  _'He must be preparing for the show,'_  Ciel assumed. Now that he thought about it, he didn't really know what his roommate did. Anyway, that was not the point at the moment.

"Not really. I'm trying to think of something good, but..."

He was trying to make some new plan, considering they couldn't afford the luxury of being discovered —now more than ever. He didn't know why, but he had the feeling that Sebastian was getting suspicious. As for the other members of the troupe... they were oblivious, for now, but they should better be careful.

If he had enough luck, he could escape after the first performance, use the ten minutes he had to sneak into the tents with Soma and Agni and come back for the encore. However, he doubted he'd be able to escape Sebastian so easily. He was thinking of another idea, but...

"Hey, Ciel! What if you let us do it on your place?"

Dammit. Soma read his mind.

No, no, NO. While that was a good solution, there was the fact that Soma was scandalous and immature; and Agni... Agni was competent, yet when he was with Soma he was blinded.

"To be honest, I don't think—"

"Oh, c'mon! We'll be careful!" the Prince insisted, his voice starting to sound like a tantrum. He wanted to be useful, wanted to help his friend. He wanted to  _feel_  useful. He wanted Ciel to trust him. "Nobody won't be paying any attention to us during the show, so it'll be perfect!"

Ciel raised an eyebrow, arms and legs folded as Agni finished putting him his shoes. He would've had looked intimidating, if there wasn't for his clothes... and the fact that he was still a kid.

"Really? And what about the snakes? Have you forgotten?"

"Umm, Sir," Agni spoke, finally finishing and getting to his feet. "Pardon my interruption, but I think I should tell you that we know how to do snake charming, so that's not really a problem for us."

Soma looked anxious. He was restraining himself for begging, Ciel could tell. Agni was serious, and it was weird to see him without his ever-present kind smile.

The boy gazed at them intensely. They couldn't lose any time, for the missing children needed to be found before it was too late. Plus, Ciel missed his home. What could go wrong, after all? Soma and Agni had actually been useful with infiltrating him into the circus and they had been discrete with their identities so far. They also were agile; and if they were together there was a higher chance that Soma would behave.

Finally, Ciel gave an exasperated sigh.

"Okay. But you must be fast, and make sure you're not discovered. Now come on, is almost time," he commanded as he stood from the bed and out of the tent.

"Yessir!" both of them responded happily, following him out before splitting up and going their way.

* * *

Sebastian eyed the cute boy in front of him suspiciously.

"You took your time," he scolded subtly. "And where are your friends?"

"In their tent, sleeping. They were really tired after a day full or work," Ciel lied. Sebastian seemed to believe him, or at least he let it pass. "How the hell do you think I'll do this? You know I suck," Ciel added in a complaining tone.

"Yeah but... you're light. Look, just trust me, okay? I know it's probably a hard thing to ask you but I hope we can make peace," a ghost of a smile tugged at Sebastian's lips. "Just... don't move. Gravity and I will do all the work for you. Are you okay with that?"

Ciel frowned. He didn't have another option anyway. Joker finally called their stage names and they came out. The crowd's applauses faded and Joker winked at them before leaving.

Ciel exhaled a big breath. It was time for the big show.

* * *

Agni was the first one to enter Snake's tent in order to protect his Prince. He had a flute they'd gotten in the dressing rooms within the props, and started playing a tune.

One by one, the snakes started following the rhythm of the sweet melody. When most of them were in a trance, Soma entered the tent and started knotting them carefully. Once he ended, Agni hid the instrument within his robe and they left the room right away.

"Now, where shall we begin?" Agni inquired.

"It doesn't matter, every room's the same," Soma answered when he heard footsteps approaching.

"Oh, Will, that was amazing~! Can we do it again after the show?"

Soma reacted quickly, pulling his servant away and covering his mouth with his hand. They hid behind some boxes and barrels piling up outside the tents. The footsteps got closer and they got to see that it was the eccentric Red Death and Suit, heading towards the main tent and late for the show.

Fortunately, the couple didn't hear them and they went perfectly unnoticed. Once there was silence again Soma let his hand fall, sighing in relief and letting Agni breathe.

"That was close. Thank you, Prince," Agni said, dedicating him the sweetest of the smiles. Soma blushed lightly and nodded.

"We've got no time to lose. You know, I think I better stay here watching if someone else comes while you check all the rooms."

"That's a great idea, Prince."

Soma nodded again. "Now go, I'll distract anyone that comes here."

Agni pressed a hand to his chest and bowed. "Jo agya."

* * *

They climbed their respective ladders.

Sebastian took the trapeze and let himself go without even thinking. Ciel gazed at every movement he made, remembering what he told him. At the moment, Ciel didn't have to worry about anything but staring. And it just didn't get old, how could Sebastian swing and do all those aerobatics from trapeze to trapeze so easily like that? The people were enjoying it so much too, for they kept applauding and screaming excitedly.

Sebastian gave another somersault in the air and bended his knees to catch Ciel's trapeze with his legs. Ciel gasped when the man stretched his arms at him and took his hands, pulling him with him. He didn't even scream, for all the air had left his lungs. He just closed his eye and held tight to Sebastian's hands, hoping that everything would end well.

* * *

"They make a good team, don't they?" Beast recognized as she watched Sebastian and Ciel's performance from the ground. Doll and Dagger where with her, watching them with the same interest until a sudden snap made them turn to her.

"Ack, my string tie," Beast complained as she pressed her hands possessively against her chest in order to cover herself. One of the ties in her back had snapped.

Dagger's face turned bright crimson and he started flailing like a madman, between embarrassment and arousal at the sight in front of him.

"Woah! Y'all ain't no lookin'!"

Suddenly, Joker was there too. He offered her a towel to cover herself up. "Miss, there's still time 'til the encore, so please go change!" he advised her. Dagger was still flushing madly and flailing, but Beast seemed not to care. With an indifferent shrug, she said:

"I guess I've gotta."

* * *

"Did you find something?" Soma asked uneasily, fidgeting outside the tent. After Red Death and Suit there hadn't been any other incidents, but Soma wasn't feeling any calmer. He kept thinking that anytime they could be discovered, and God, time was passing so slowly, and Agni wasn't any faster...

"Not really," Agni answered. He was checking Beast's room now, but there was nothing suspicious: just clothes, accessories and other womanly stuff. They were still missing Black's and Joker's rooms and this wasn't being any effective.

"Then hurry up, Agni, please. I wanna leave here as soon as possible," Soma begged. Though he couldn't see him, Agni nodded curtly.

"Certainly."

As he put out the last contents of Beast's room's chest, he finally found something that caught his attention: it was a picture. There were some children gathering around a chubby man with glasses, and if Agni was correct, they all were from the circus. Why else would Miss Beast keep a picture of children?

And it wasn't just one. There were a few more, featuring the same people in different situations, but what intrigued Agni the most was the man with the kids. Who was he? What was he doing there?

"Prince, I think I just found something—"

"Oh, shit," Soma hissed in response. Agni froze for a minute with fear. What was happening out there? Was Soma okay?

"Prince?"

But it wasn't his voice that answered, instead...

"Soma?"

"B-Beast!"

Seriously, could it be worse?

That was it. They had been discovered. Well, not exactly, just Soma... for now. It was a matter of seconds for her to enter and catch him red-handed too, and they would be in so much trouble...

"What you doin' 'ere?" she demanded impatiently. Agni put back all the things in the chest, except for the first picture he'd found, which he folded and took with him to analyze it better later. He hoped Miss Beast didn't notice with all the other photographs and stuff she had. Now, what was he supposed to do? Should he come out and invent some pathetic excuse to help Soma? No, but that would mean Beast would know they were checking her tent. If he stayed inside, thought, the same thing would happen when she entered and caught him there. He could try hiding in the chest, but would he fit? He was a tall man after all, and what if she opened it just to find him there?

It seemed like there was no escape.

"Nothing, really, you know, I was just wandering around and I came here, hehe," Soma rubbed the back of his neck nervously, trying to give Agni more time. "Uh... I think I'm lost."

Beast snorted. Soma gulped, wondering if he'd been so obvious that she didn't buy it, when...

"Idiot. I can't believe you don't know the way to your tent."

"Haha!" Soma faked a high-pitched laugh. "Sorry, I'm really forgetful."

The woman rolled her eyes.

"Whatev'. Now, if you'd excuse me..."

"Uh... yeah, about that..."

She gave a few steps forward in order to enter her tent, yet Soma impeded her to. She gave a step to the right, to the left, two steps... But the man kept getting in the way, trying to stop her.

"What'cha think you're doin'?" she yelled desperately. "C'mon, let me pass, I need to ch—!"

The words were buried in her throat as Soma silenced her with a kiss. He grabbed her arms, pulled her close and turned them around, so she was giving her back to the tent instead of him. She froze with shock. Soma's eyes were closed tightly, a sign she misinterpreted as passion. She began struggling seconds after, when her mind finally realized what was happening. But no matter how hard she beat his chest and squirmed in his arms, Soma didn't let go.

Agni tried to peek carefully after the abrupt silence. It was when he saw that Soma, in a desperate attempt to create a distraction, was kissing Beast. A strong feeling filled his heart, but it wasn't the time for jealousy. It wasn't like the Prince wasn't doing it for pleasure.

Quickly, Agni ran out of the tent and hid behind the same pile of boxes that helped them hide from the couple before. He tried to hear what was happening.

It was a matter of seconds, but it seemed like years.

Soma broke the kiss when he had no more air left in his lungs. He hoped Agni had gotten the chance to escape or at least hide somewhere, for he couldn't do anything more about it. He let her go, looking into her eyes.

She was blushing deeply, and she didn't look happy.

"I'm sorr—," he began when Beast's slap interrupted him.

"Idiot! Y-You pervert, GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!" she ranted, punching him everywhere she could. Because apparently, the slap hadn't been enough. Soma fell to the ground due to the energetic beating and tried to shield himself with his arms from her attacks and kicks now that he was on the ground.

"Fine, fine! I'm sorry, I couldn't help it!" Soma shouted in an attempt to calm her down. "It's because I think you're so pretty, I'm sorry!"

It was an excuse, but it wasn't completely a lie. He truly thought she was pretty, but that didn't mean he'd ever thought of kissing her. It was only an emergency measure he had to take and that neither of them had enjoyed. Besides, his heart belonged to someone else. Yet, at least his words worked. Beast's face went even redder than before and she looked away with a frown, but she stopped beating him.

"Ass," she mumbled with bile, tightening her grip on the towel Joker gave her before disappearing into her tent.

Once it was safe, Agni left his hideout and approached Soma, helping him to stand up. The Prince noticed his servant's amused expression. Oh really, just what he was missing. Soma's stomach churned when he realized that Agni saw everything, and now his own lover was going to make fun of him too.

"I hope you've found something useful, or I'm gonna get mad," he scowled, a sight so rare in him. "Come on, it's time to release the snakes."

Agni drew his hand to his mouth in order to stifle the giggles that were threatening to come out. The sight of an angry, pouting, mildly beaten-up Soma was so uncommon that he couldn't help finding it adorable. He followed the Prince and whispered for him to hear:

"Jo agya."

* * *

"Smile," Sebastian said in the air, calling Ciel's attention. Ciel opened his eye just a little and tried to focus in Sebastian's face and not in the world beneath them.

"I'm gonna drop you," Sebastian warned him. Ciel's eye widened.

"What?! No, no, you promised you'd do everything, this is not—!"

"Look!" Sebastian roared fiercely. "I got this all planned, okay?! You're gonna land just fine and I'll close the act! Just trust me, do you trust me?!"

Ciel's breathing was shallow. He shook his head energetically.

"This isn't what you—"

"Do you trust me?!" Sebastian insisted.

Ciel wanted to cry. His hands were sweaty and he knew that he wasn't going to last much longer. "Y-yeah," he said in a very weak voice. He closed his eye tight. "Yeah!"

"Okay, I'm gonna count to three!" Sebastian shouted. "One," Ciel took a deep breath; "two," he opened his eye to get ready; "three!"

They went up, and thus, Sebastian let go of Ciel's hands. Ciel felt like he left his stomach behind for the moment that he was completely alone, soaring in the air. He let out a few noises, completely horrified. The crowd went mad. Sebastian had thrown him so hard that Ciel's body involuntarily made a somersault in the air before landing exactly in the platform. The impact of the fall ran through all his body, from his feet to his head. His knees bended and the people roared; but he managed to stay in his feet, turn to the crowd and extend his hands with a big fake smile for the conclusion of his act.

The audience screamed and cheered hysterically. Ciel was feeling a little light-headed, but it was okay.

He was still alive.

With one final and complex somersault, Sebastian landed on his feet on the other platform and mirrored Ciel's pose. And as the deafening applauses filled the tent and Joker came out again to announce the next act, Ciel's and Sebastian's eyes met. Sebastian smiled at him with satisfaction, like silently recognizing that Ciel had done well.

And somehow, that made Ciel feel like it was all worth it.

* * *

"Guys. How did it go?"

Ciel's hair was ruffled and he was wheezing when he got out of the main tent. However, Soma was still so ashamed for what had happened before with Beast that he didn't notice how tired his friend looked after such a simple act, and he just ranted:

"Beast almost caught us. Actually, she caught  _me_  wandering outside her tent, but I distracted her so Agni could get out of there without being noticed. I don't think she suspects us, though. How did it go for you, Ciel?"

The Prince was trying to sound serious for a change; Ciel didn't notice the blush on his face. He tried to catch his breath to speak.

"It was fine," he gasped. "Did you find something interesting?"

"Yessir. The tents were quite simple, though I noticed a certain man appears in all the pictures they have," Agni informed. Ciel sat on the ground, too tired from the rush of adrenaline to care. He pondered about what he'd just been told.

"A certain man? And who is this man?" he questioned. "What does he look like?"

"Actually, I brought one photograph with me, in case it was useful. I hope Mrs. Beast doesn't notice, there were many..."

Ciel dismissed him went Agni started searching for said picture, glancing around him. There weren't a lot of people around, but was still risky.

"Show it to me later. Someone could see us now. Is that everything you found?"

"For the moment, yes. But after the incident with Mrs. Beast and the Prince," and Agni couldn't help a little smirk when Soma flushed even more; "I didn't want to make him take more risks for me, so I missed Mr. Black's and Mr. Joker's room. I'm sorry, but if you want me too, I think there's a little bit of time left before the show ends..."

"No, that'd be far too risky. I guess we'll have to wait for another chance like this. Maybe we can repeat this tomorrow. You did a good job, guys," Ciel admitted. Soma's expression went from the serious mask he was wearing to a completely euphoric one. His eyes shone bright and he gave his little friend a big bear hug.

"Ciel! Thank you! I'm so happy we could help you! See, I told you!"

"Okay... okay... let me go..!" Ciel jabbered, struggling in Soma's arms. "You're... asphyxiating me...!"

"Guys. Why're you standin' 'ere in the cold?"

"Joker! Black!" Agni greeted. At his side, Soma finally let go of Ciel, who straightened his clothes with an angry huff. "We weren't doing anything in special. Just wandering out here, and we met Smile."

"I see. Which reminds me: thank you so much, Smile," Joker winked at the boy. "If it weren't for ya, we'd've had to cancel Peter and Wendy's act, and the public wouldn't have liked that. He did a wonderful job, didn't he, Black?"

"Wonderful indeed," Sebastian replied, his business smile on place. "Thank you for being my partner, Smile."

"Hm."

"Anyway, aren't cha starvin'? Why don't we go with the rest to eat summat?" Joker intervened, apparently satisfied with the friendly talk until then.

"To eat?!" Soma exclaimed like a puppy offered to play, when he remembered that he was there for Ciel and he couldn't do anything without his permission. His tone dropped as he continued: "Umm, I don't know, we—"

"That sounds good," Ciel intruded, deciding that Soma deserved at least a little reward for behaving once. "Why don't you go first? I'll meet you in a minute."

"Really?! Alright, let's go, my friend Joker!" the Prince answered, passing his arm around the ginger's shoulders. Joker chuckled.

"Haha, 'kay..."

"Smile, aren't you going with us too?" Agni asked as his master and Joker were already walking away, chatting happily.

"I'm not hungry," Ciel responded. Agni cast him a worried glance. "Really, I'm okay, have a good time you guys. I'm tired."

"Hey, Agni, aren't you coming?" Soma asked from the distance.

"Wait—"

"It's okay," Ciel reassured. Agni lingered there for a few seconds so Ciel could change his mind. When he realized that wouldn't happen, he left. Once Agni joined the duo and they walked away, Sebastian broke the silence.

"It's amazing how they treat you as if you were their boss or something."

"Boss?" Ciel chuckled nervously. "I think you got it wrong. When we worked at the mansion they really took care of me because I was the littlest one there, that's why they're always so overprotective of me. So, you're not going with the others either?" Ciel tried to change the subject.

Sebastian shook his head.

"No. I'm not hungry either. Besides, I have to take care of you."

Ciel's eyes widened. "T-take care of me? What the hell are you talking about?!"

Sebastian smirked slightly, eyeing Ciel's right hand.

"Your hand is bleeding."

Ciel looked at his palm, noticing that Sebastian was telling the truth. The bandage in his hand was already stained deep red.

"It must've been for holding your hands so hard..." he mumbled with a blush.

"Yeah, and since I told you to leave it all to me, it is my duty to take care of the consequences now," Sebastian answered in a matter-of-fact tone.

"H-hey! Who do you think I am? I can take care of myself, thank you," Ciel refused. Somehow, this man's presence made his hairs stand on end, and he didn't know if that was good or bad. Sebastian cocked an eyebrow.

"Really? Do you know how to wash injuries and change bandages?"

Ciel's silence answered for him, as he stared at the ground with embarrassment written all over his features.

"That's what I thought. Now come on, let me take you with Doc."

* * *

Ciel raised an eyebrow at the empty tent they had just entered.

"This isn't Doctor's," he stated. Sebastian knelt down in front of a big chest standing there and rummaged in it.

"No. It is not."

"Is this your tent?"

"Yes. Sit down on the bed, please."

"I thought you were taking me to Doctor so he could treat my wound again," the boy went on stubbornly, making Sebastian sigh.

"Smi—"

"...then why did you bring me here?" he demanded. Sebastian breathed deeply, he hated when the child used that condescending tone on him.

"Smile. Sit down on the bed, please," he requested in the calmest tone he could manage. Ciel folded his arms in a rebelling gesture. He wasn't giving in until Sebastian gave him at least one reason. The young man ran a hand through his hair and exhaled slowly.

"Okay, you win. I don't like Doc. That's why I brought you here," he explained, then pointed at the bed with his hand. "Now, would you please?"

Ciel stayed there for a few seconds before doing as he was told. Apparently, it had been an enough valid reason for him, but it didn't satisfy his curiosity completely.

"Why?"

Sebastian clicked his tongue. He didn't like where the conversation was going.

"I don't think he's the kind of person to be trusted, that's it."

"Why?" Ciel repeated. Sebastian shrugged as he stood up with a first aid kit and then knelt down again, this time in front of Ciel.

"I have my reasons."

There was a little silence before the boy spoke again. Somehow, he felt like he should take care of his words now more than anything. He could feel Sebastian's reluctance to talk about the subject, but he could also feel the insufferable curiosity growing within him at each evasive answer.

"So, whenever you're injured, what do you do?"

Sebastian hummed thoughtfully, removing the bandage from Ciel's hand and preparing the material he'd need to wash it. "That doesn't happen often," he answered. He wasn't really bragging, but more like pointing out a fact. "However; I do know a little about medicine, but it's been enough for the times I've been sick or injured. I wish I could learn more, though. I find it a very interesting science."

"Really? And why don't you leave this place and study Medicine?" Ciel inquired. Sebastian eyed him before he pressed a gauze against Ciel's right palm.

"No, I can't," he said automatically. "Plus, it costs a lot of money."

"You could get a scholarship," Ciel suggested. "Seriously, do you like this place that much? I mean, for a nobleman..."

Sebastian was taken aback.

"Wha—?!" he snapped, furrowing his eyebrows. "Grell told you, didn't she?"

"Yeah," Ciel replied nonchalantly.

"What exactly did she say to you?" Sebastian asked suspiciously, narrowing his eyes.

"She told me about what happened to your parents and that you ran away."

The man nodded.

"Is that everything she said?" he pressured. Ciel rolled his eyes, knowing what Sebastian wanted to hear. Whatever it was that happened to him during those years between leaving his house and founding the circus was so shameful and traumatizing that he didn't want anyone to know about it. And after that evening, Ciel felt like he had a clue about what it was, but he wanted to know firsthand.

"Well, you met again in the streets a few years later and founded this circus," Ciel told him. "It happened while you were away, didn't it?" he inquired; "Your mark..."

Sebastian threw the stained gauze away now that the bleeding had stopped and rubbed a wet cloth around the cut to clean it, causing Ciel to wince slightly. He was being a little rough.

"Do you  _really_  want to hear that story?" Sebastian retorted, frowning deeply at Ciel's insistence. Maybe showing him the mark hadn't been such a good idea after all. "Yes, it did."

"Who did it to you?" Ciel persevered, ignoring Sebastian's evident discomfort as he covered his wound with clean gauze.

"It doesn't matter," Sebastian refused to answer. "But since you asked why I don't leave this circus, I'll tell you," he paused for a minute, looking at Ciel's eyes with a determined expression, and vowed:

"I'm still here because I'm waiting for the perfect moment to get my revenge."

If Ciel already had some sort of fixation on that man —even if he tried to deny it—, that single word did nothing but increase it. Sebastian's breath was hot and his voice was husky, his red eyes shining dangerously.

"W-what?" Ciel inquired incredulously, eyes bright.

"Yes," Sebastian mumbled, lost in his thoughts. "I want revenge against those who broke me."

"I want revenge too," Ciel leaned in involuntarily, voice low with fascination. Sebastian stared back at him, surprised at the confession. Ciel realized what he'd said and went pale, ashamed of what had left his mouth. Had he been too obvious?

He shook his head. "No, nothing. Forget what I just said."

But Sebastian kept gaping at him with those eyes that made Ciel feel naked. Sebastian was the only one that could possibly understand him. Ciel backed away as a natural response when Sebastian stretched his hand towards him; but he relaxed when the man only cupped his cheek tenderly. Ciel let out a shallow breath, too anxious from all the butterflies in his stomach. Somehow it wasn't only 'okay' when Sebastian touched him —which was a great progress, talking about Ciel— but actually  _nice_.

"Smile..." Sebastian cooed. He caressed the string of Ciel's eye-patch. "What happened to your eye?"

The moment Ciel noticed Sebastian's intentions, he snapped his hand away rudely. "Don't touch me!" he roared, breathing ragged. Sebastian backed away, shocked by his reaction.

"I'm... sorry."

Ciel tried to calm his breathing.

"It's okay. It just... took me by surprise," Ciel answered, trying to play cool. He sighed, averting his eye. "You know... I've never met someone so much like me," he confessed.

Sebastian leaned in again and kissed Ciel's hand.

"Sorry."

Ciel nodded. He was blushing a little, and he blushed even more when Sebastian raised his head and their eyes met. They were so close their breaths mingled. Sebastian approached Ciel very carefully, letting his eyelids drop as he did so. Their lips touched just barely when Sebastian opened his eyes to check if Ciel was fine, and he was. His gaze was fiery and indecipherable, his cheeks were red.

Sebastian kissed him again and this time it lasted longer. Ciel's heart was beating very fast, his hands were sweating. This was his first kiss. Sometimes he used to caught himself thinking that maybe he'd never get over what those people did to him and he'd never let anyone else get close to him,  _ever_. He'd never get a first kiss. And yet here he was, lip against lip with Sebastian.

It was for the mission, after all. Wasn't it? Sebastian's walls were falling, and maybe this was the only way to get the man's trust and use him as a pawn for his convenience later on. And somehow, it wasn't that bad. Sebastian's thin lips were soft and warm, and they knew how to move naturally. Ciel let his eyes close slowly and stopped thinking, it wouldn't get him anywhere for now. He opened his mouth and moved his lips along Sebastian's, who couldn't help but smirking. He had the advantage now. He knew who this child really was, and if he played his cards right, he could make Ciel fall for him and manipulate him later on. After all, children always developed feelings faster than adults, and Ciel was already infatuated about him. He'd been —ironically— charmed since the magic show. They were both making their moves as they thought it was the better strategy without knowing what the other was thinking or who was winning...

This was the perfect charade.

Ciel embraced Sebastian's neck to pull him closer. Sebastian climbed the bed and positioned himself on top of Ciel, feeling his chest over the clothes. He smirked when Ciel moaned into the kiss; the boy was all hormones now. Wasn't this the icing on the cake? When the time for his revenge came he would be able to brag about how he'd gotten a taste of Ciel Phantomhive; the taste that Father had always wanted but would never be able to have.

 _Father_.

The sudden memory of the man made Sebastian cringe. Suddenly he felt self-conscious about his own self and his experience. He broke the kiss and got away from Ciel immediately, who eyed him with a mixture of bewilderment and arousal. His clothes and his hair were messy, his lips shining with saliva.

"A-are you all right?" he stammered, his cheeks on fire. Sebastian tried to calm his breath and told himself that Father wasn't there and there was no need to think about him. He could do this.

He shook his head, trying to organize his thoughts. "Yeah, just..." he climbed on the bed again and stared into Ciel's eye, admiring it —it was very beautiful. He kissed Ciel, and despite the boy's astonishment about Sebastian's actions, he quickly let himself go. His erection was already noticeable through the clothes.

Sebastian bit his earlobe and caressed his crotch, earning some moans from him. Ciel sank his nails in the back of Sebastian's neck as the man opened his legs and replaced his hand with his own boner, creating friction between them. Ciel's moans were loud and therefore Sebastian placed two of his fingers in his mouth to shut him up. Ciel glared, but his countenance soon softened when Sebastian moved faster. His breath was ragged and it hit Ciel's face, which honestly was kind of hot. To see Sebastian's usually composed expression turn into one of lust and vulnerability probably turned him on more than his caresses or the friction in his crotch. Ciel bit Sebastian's fingers hard until tasting blood. Sebastian whined and removed the fingers as he silenced Ciel with an angry kiss. He removed the suspenders of Ciel's  _'Smile'_  attire and unbuttoned his shirt to expose his chest. His skin was soft. Sebastian left a trail of kisses, starting from his jawline to one of his nipples, where he stopped to lick at the skin and bite it softly. Ciel's back arched involuntarily and a loud cry left his lips. Sebastian grinned smugly, repeating the action on the other nipple and earning a similar reaction from the teen.

He helped Ciel to take off his bulky shorts. Ciel hissed when the air hit his member and turned his head around, ashamed of his body. Sebastian couldn't help smiling softly. Ciel was stunning.

"Don't stare," Ciel reprimanded, taking Sebastian by surprise.

"I'm sorry, I just couldn't resist," Sebastian whispered seductively in his ear. "You're charming."

"Tch," Ciel complained, but the blush in his cheeks gave him away. Glaring fiercely, he took off Sebastian's suit jacket and the shirt underneath. Sebastian let him do as he pleased, staring intensely at his cerulean eye while Ciel undressed him. His little hands trembled when he tried to unbutton his pants, so Sebastian helped him. The touch of their hands was electric.

Suddenly, Ciel understood what Sebastian meant. The minute the man was naked in front of his eye, Ciel couldn't help but to admire his perfect and chiseled body. His skin was perfect, except for the mark that rested in his torso. And that made him even more perfect from Ciel's perspective, because it reminded him of how much alike they were.

"Don't stare," Sebastian mocked. Ciel's face went awfully red, especially when Sebastian laughed poetically.

"Stop that!" Ciel roared, smacking Sebastian's bare shoulder. Sebastian apologized between laughs, connecting his lips with Ciel's. Albeit reluctant in the beginning, Ciel eventually lost himself in Sebastian's kisses. Their bodies asked for air and they had to break the interaction, breathing faster now that they were skin against skin, sex against sex. Ciel moaned; the heat and the friction in his crotch were becoming too unbearable to handle. Sebastian was biting his lip, and eventually had to bite his fingers to hold his voice back. When they were wet he buried his head in Ciel's shoulder, enjoying the little noises he made as their hips kept rubbing against each other.

"This is probably," Sebastian panted; "gonna hurt a little."

Ciel nodded frantically before Sebastian stuck two fingers inside of him and he flinched in response.

"Ngh!" he groaned. Sebastian kissed him with tongue, caressing his member in order to distract him while he began scissoring his digits. Ciel was so warm; and the way he reacted, the faces he made were oddly adorable.

He felt Ciel's moist member from the shaft to the head, going faster as Ciel's hips thrust into his hands. When Ciel was prepared enough, Sebastian slowly replaced his fingers with his cock.

Ciel let out a little scream. He bit the base of Sebastian's neck to suppress his voice. It hurt. Sebastian groaned, it was probably going to leave a mark.

"S-sorry," he spat. His hips moved faster. Ciel embraced him with his legs to pull him closer, sinking his nails into the skin of Sebastian's back.

Sebastian continued jerking Ciel off. He squeezed his balls and Ciel let out a pleasured cry. His hips were moving along Sebastian's now, in order for them both to feel more of each other. Sebastian increased his speed and the deepness of his thrusts until Ciel's cries were periodic and unbearably high-pitched; and finally, he came.

His back arched and he threw his head back, his mouth open in a silent moan. Sebastian kept moving, building his own climax until the tension in his lower abdomen exploded into pleasure. He let himself fall next to Ciel, dirty and exhausted, and he threw an arm over the boy and pulled him closer like a gesture of affection.

Ciel closed his eye and relaxed to the sound of Sebastian's beating heart.

* * *

Ciel's visible eye fluttered open and closed intermittently and slowly. He was staring at the ceiling of the tent, breathing coming out in puffs and gradually calming. Sebastian was kissing and nuzzling the skin of his low abdomen and chest, venerating the trembling child who fought between sleep and reality.

It was nice for Ciel's cooling skin.

"What happened to your eye?" Sebastian asked all of a sudden, picking up the forgotten subject. Ciel held his breath for a moment. He hadn't noticed when Sebastian travelled until reaching his neck, his ears, and now he was at the level of his face. His curious fingers were now daring to touch the surface of the eye-patch, and Ciel had to slap him again to stop.

"N-no."

Sebastian's eyebrows creased. "Why not? I want to see it."

"Why? Why are you so insistent?"

Sebastian shrugged. "I don't know. I'm just curious."

Ciel averted his eyes. "No. I don't want you to see it."

"It's okay. I won't say—"

"Sebastian," Ciel said firmly, sitting up in the bed and smacking his hands away. His gaze was stern and fiery. "I said no."

Sebastian's expression mirrored Ciel's, and after a moment of glares and tense silence, Sebastian countenance softened. However, that little twitch of his eyebrows didn't fade away.

"Fine," he hissed. "But I wanna know how you lost it."

Ciel's expression, in change, hardened. Yet after a moment, an evil smirk tugged at his lips. Sebastian liked that expression, even though he knew it was a mask to hide the sadness behind his blue eye.

"Alright. I just hope it doesn't scare you."

Sebastian scowled. "Hey, no one can scare me."

Ciel let himself fall on the bed. His eyelids were heavy.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever."

Sebastian's scowl deepened. Why did he had the little suspicion that Ciel was being sarcastic?

The little earl touched his eye-patch absent-mindedly while he felt Sebastian returning to his routine of kisses. He sighed.

"I gouged it out," he whispered drowsily, and felt Sebastian froze for a minute. He let out a soft chuckle. "See, I told you. You're scared now."

"I'm not," Sebastian licked his lips. Suddenly his mouth was very, very dry. "I'm just... surprised, that's it."

"Hm. I see."

Ciel felt soft, pleasant tickles at his neck now. Oh good, Sebastian was pampering him. Ciel closed his eye at the pleasant, soothing sensation.

"I gouged it out," he whispered again before he fell asleep.

* * *

 _Ciel's mother used to always kiss him and hug him and his father always smiled at him when he arrived to the manor and ruffled his hair. Sebastian, his dog, always played with him and accompanied him in the darkest of nights when he couldn't sleep and went lurking in the dark for his parent's room. There was Elizabeth, too, who always hugged him and laughed with him. And auntie Anne, also known as_ 'Madame Red' _. Tanaka, the butler, pampered him too. Ciel was very, very loved, and there was nothing wrong with his life. He was the perfect boy; young, beautiful and intelligent, a boy that no one could ever hate._

_However, things suddenly changed when he turned ten._

_His mother had been sad for auntie Anne and her husband's deaths; but not even that could end up with the joy that surrounded the Phantomhives. Ciel's birthday was coming soon and everything had to be perfect. The plans for the party were almost ready: it would only be a celebration between the most intimate members of the family, but that didn't stop them to plan big._

_Sadly, the party never happened._

_Hours before the Midfords could arrive to the manor, Vincent and Rachel Phantomhive were attacked and murdered. The house was set on fire and Ciel ran with all his strength like in those nights where he was haunted by nightmares and Sebastian the dog guided him blindly through the corridors to a place where he felt safe, except that this time not even Sebastian was with him. Ciel ran crying and fell twice, but he got back on his feet again even though his knees hurt. He reached his parents' room, opened the door and..._

_"Mom?! Dad?!"_

_His dad, always so regal, so imposing; and his mom, gorgeous and delicate... They were now lying in the floor, stained with blood like the memory that would haunt Ciel from that day on._

_Ciel recoiled in shock and ran away, screaming for help. He found Tanaka, only to see the old butler get stabbed and fall to the floor right in front of him. They caught him and took him away, and the last thing Ciel saw through his tears and his blurred gaze was how they set the manor on fire. And Ciel squirmed and cried as he saw everything consume and fall to pieces in front of him; and he couldn't breathe because of the smoke, but that didn't stop him from screaming nor his raw throat._

_Too bad the fire wasn't enough to burn his memories away._

_He should've had died that day. The Phantomhive pride was stained and now he shall die with it, just like his parents did. But he was either too lucky or too unfortunate for that._

_It was a month, and only a month, but that month in hell was enough to mark his life forever._

_He was put in a cage, like an animal. People were always watching him, surrounding him, calling him sweet names Ciel never heard before. He was constantly told that he was perfect. There were mostly people with masks, yet sometimes they showed their faces. However, they were so perverted it wasn't worth to remember them._ Yeah, right _. The mind doesn't work like that, for Ciel still remembered each one of the faces he saw there. Trapped, chained and mistreated, the only thing he ever did was screaming. They marked him, mentally and physically. They paid for him, touched him, let him out of the cage only when they wanted him. And they always smiled at him, as if silently making him believe that everything was going to be okay just before they made him kneel down on the ground and humiliated him again._

_So sometimes, Ciel preferred the cage. At least no one touched him there. His body was dirty and Ciel felt like throwing up whenever he thought of everything he must be covered with._

_It was one of his last nights there when he was branded in the back like a cow. Like it hadn't been enough pain for one day, then it came the_ 'sampling' _. Ciel was allowed out of the cage, shivering because he didn't like being touched by those people. They put him on a table and gathered around him. Ciel had never seen so many of them the same day, the same place, and he trembled violently. Was every one of them there? And what were they planning to do? Sampling, what did that mean? Was everyone going to get a little... taste of him?_

_Ciel wanted to go away. They all were looking down at him through the masks, smirking rather disgustingly. Ciel didn't like the way they stared at him, it made him feel dirty. No one had ever stared at him like that._

_Hands were holding him so strong it would bruise his wrists and ankles. Ciel squirmed and screamed, but they_ liked  _it. The more he screamed, the more they laughed and stared at him with those perverted eyes. They hit him sometimes. Ciel cried desperately, but that didn't stop them. They touched him in forbidden places no one had ever touched before. It was repulsive and vulgar, but his body reacted nonetheless, and Ciel hated it. It hurt, it was shameful, but he couldn't do anything about it. And they were completely fascinated, adulating him and making comments about how divine and rare he was. Reactive, beautiful,_ perfect _._

_It felt like forever, but it came to an end eventually. Now it was dark and Ciel trembled in a pool of blood, cum and other body fluids he didn't want to think about. Rivers of tears were running down his face, little sobs shook his body every now and then. But why was he crying for, he wasn't sure. Fear was gone. The pain was still there, but it was numb. The shame, though, remained. Yes, maybe that was why he was crying for. Shame._

_What would his parents think of him now, wherever they were?_

_Ciel heard steps. It was one of those bastards again, for he recognized his voice. He cringed. The man made a comment, but Ciel didn't listen. He knelt down and chuckled. Ciel grimaced. What a pig._

_Inside, though, he was scared. He'd thought the torture was over by then! He would run away if he had the strength to, but he was so drained and traumatized he couldn't even scream anymore._

_Luckily for him, this man wasn't there to rape him. No, he was the one in charge of taking him back to the cage and chain him again to make sure he wouldn't try to do anything. Like he had the energy to._

_The man carried Ciel and placed him in the little prison. Finally, that night, that hell was finally, finally over._

_Yet before the masked man closed the cage, he looked back at Ciel. The child looked exquisite even like that, so tragically alive as tears moistened his lashes and cheeks. The man approached him and squatted, ogling at him. He leaned in and licked the boy's right lower lid to wipe the tears that were just being born._

_"You are so perfect," he complimented before leaving._

_Ciel drew both of his hands to his face in order to cover the recently defiled eye. How shameful. How low, disgusting, and nauseating. He sat up, and a low, sore complaint left his abused throat at the pain it caused him, but he ignored it._

'Throw it away. Clean everything, everywhere they touched,' he thought. 'Clean the remains of their filthy, perverted hands. Clean, clean, clean. Eliminate. Throw it away!'

_With one abrupt pump of adrenaline and rage, Ciel sank his nails down into his right socket and gouged his eye out. The last thing he heard was a stray voice shrieking. He later realized that it was his own voice, but his throat was so sore it didn't sound like him anymore. And then, he collapsed from pain before he could see the masked people running into the chamber in a frenzy, worried to see what might have happened to him._

* * *

  _Ironically, losing an eye was what saved Ciel. When the bleeding stopped he wasn't perfect anymore and the people who looked at him as if he were an angel now averted his eyes from him, repulsed by his new appearance. Ciel even heard them talking once, saying that he was useless now. Useless for what, he didn't quite understand._

_"Let's get another kid," one of them had whispered. "This won't be useful for the sacrifice. Not even the lowest of the demons would want him now."_

_Sacrifice? Ciel hadn't heard anything about a sacrifice before, but he was intelligent enough to tie up the loose ends. They were a cult, after all, so he could assume that the reason why they bought him and the other kids was to offer them to a demon._

_They left him in a dark alley during one stormy night. Abandoned where no one could find him and no one would know who he was._

_Lying on the wet concrete, Ciel shuddered. He was lost, he didn't know his actual position or where the manor was, not even the Royal Hospital where Madame Red used worked in. He was cold, hungry and hurt; and the wound in his eye might get infected if it wasn't attended soon. But he was still alive, and it was his shame and broken pride what moved him to advance on that cruel game of chess called life._

* * *

Ciel shivered in his sleep. Sebastian awoke due to the intense tremors that shook the person next to him. At first he thought Ciel was cold, until he attempted to cover him with a blanked and noticed he was crying.

Sebastian blinked. The child who usually looked so strong seemed so vulnerable now, being haunted by nightmares. For a minute, Sebastian didn't know what to do. The normal reaction would be to offer him comfort, but how? He wasn't sure. He had never comforted someone before, and the only ones that always comforted him were his books. Though he did remember rather vainly one night when his cat had died and his mother hugged him against her bosom until Sebastian stopped crying.

Uncertainly, Sebastian took Ciel's little and still sleeping frame to his chest and embraced him. The tremors subsided slightly, but not quite. Sebastian frowned, trying to remember that night. What else had his mom done? There must be something he was missing...

He remembered faintly her soft voice singing a sweet melody, and he sighed. Unlike her, he didn't know any songs. Well, except for that stupid nursery rhyme...

_"Tom, he was a piper's son,"_

Sebastian began in a low, husky tone; rocking Ciel as he sang in his ear;

" _He learned to play when he was young,_

_And all the tune that he could play_

_Was 'Over the Hills and Far Away...'"_

he went on softly. He could swear Ciel was listening somehow, for his countenance had softened and he was no longer shedding tears.

_"Over the hills and a great way off,_

_The wind shall blow my top knot off."_

Sebastian finished, caressing Ciel's messy hair.

When Ciel was little and scared, Sebastian the dog would always guide him blindly through the corridors to a place where he felt safe. That place was no other but his parents' room, and baby Ciel would crawl into the bed with them and fall in a deep slumber with a big smile in his face; surrounded by the warmth of those he loved the most. Except that this time, it was another person who gave him such warmth. And Ciel, subconsciously, appreciated it; because the nightmares disappeared with the sound of that voice he didn't quite recognize, but he liked it.

It was in the darkness of the tent and when Ciel stopped trembling that Sebastian placed him on the bed again and watched his sleeping face. And he thought that maybe, just maybe, the Phantomhives weren't so bad. Maybe the Phantomhives were nothing but unfortunate victims of fate, just like himself.


	7. Chapter 7

Ciel opened his eyes, sensing the change of lighting in the tent. His mind was still hazy from sleep and his limbs were stiff. He sat up in the bed and rubbed his eyes, just to notice that he hadn't taken off his eye-patch to sleep. He suddenly became aware of the intense gaze resting upon him and met with Sebastian's scarlet eyes. Of course! He'd slept in Black's tent, now he remembered. He'd been too tired from sex —and as he thought of that word, a deep blush dyed his cheeks— to leave.

Shit.

"Is there something in my face?" Ciel asked sarcastically, averting his eyes. Sebastian squatted in front of him.

"How did you sleep?" he inquired innocently.

"Fine."

"Really?" Sebastian placed his hands on Ciel's shoulders to force him to look at him. "Did you really rest well?"

"Yeah," Ciel replied, a hint of annoyance in his voice. "Why shouldn't I?"

Sebastian's arms fell at his sides when he realized that Ciel was truly asleep the night before and remembered nothing about his nightmare.

"Never mind. Let's go, everyone must be having breakfast by now."

Ciel frowned. He didn't know if he was right, but he swore he read concern in Sebastian's features the moment before. It wasn't like he cared, but...

Sebastian helped Ciel dress, and Ciel let him. When Sebastian finished, he planted a short kiss on Ciel's lips.

Ciel felt heat rise to his face, but he didn't mind. He didn't want Sebastian to pull away so soon so he held him, stubbornly so, until they both ran out of breath. Sebastian smiled on Ciel's lips as a thread of saliva disconnected them. Ciel's stomach growled — _'what a good way of ruining the moment,'_  he thought, but Sebastian chuckled.

"C'mon. Let's have breakfast, or else you're gonna pass out."

"Tsk."

Ciel looked away, cheeks burning, yet he still let Sebastian hold his hand and guide him out of the tent.

"Look! There you are guys," Freckles announced once they were outside, and Ciel and Sebastian immediately let go. She didn't seem to notice, nor the Indian duo standing behind her.

"Smile!" Soma exclaimed, approaching and hugging him with all his strength. "Where have you been?! You had us all so worried about you!"

"Sorry," Ciel said, strangled voice as Soma placed him on the ground again. "Seb— Black was taking care of the wound in my hand, but I was so tired I fell asleep while he did."

"Yeah. You should've seen him; he was sleeping so deeply he even snored... I didn't want to wake him up, so I let him," Sebastian played along with a wicked smirk.

"Hey! That's not true! I do not snore!" Ciel seethed, punching Sebastian's arm. Soma, Agni and Freckles laughed.

"Aww, Smile, that's cute!" Freckles giggled, making him blush.

"Whatever... But I do not snore."

"How would you know, if you were asleep?" Sebastian teased. Freckles gave one last giggle before her face went serious and she stared at Ciel.

"Umm... Smile, I wanted to apologize for yesterday."

Ciel recalled the events. Of course, Freckles had exposed his slave mark and caused Ciel to run away in shame.

"Oh... yeah. Don't worry about it," Ciel dismissed.

"No," Freckles insisted. "I'm really sorry, ya see..."

"I know. And I'm serious. Don't worry about it, Freckles. It's okay."

Freckles nodded before giving a bright smile, so typical of her. Her features weren't meant to frown, and now that Smile had forgiven her, how could she be sad?

"Anyway," Agni said, a little sorry to interrupt the nice conversation, but there were other matters to talk about. "Smile, why don't we go grab breakfast?"

Ciel's eyes narrowed. That cold look on Agni's eyes probably meant that they had discovered something important. Of course, how could he forget? He was on a mission, for God's sake, he needed to take things seriously! This wasn't a game, and this irresponsible attitude wasn't like him!

"Sure. Let's go."

They left. Sebastian narrowed his eyes with the intention of tagging along before Freckles stopped him.

"Black," she said, tugging at his sleeve. Sebastian turned around, slightly annoyed as the trio vanished within the circus.

"What is it, Doll?"

She fidgeted nervously in her place. "Er... Black... you 'n Smile... you like 'im, don'tcha?"

Sebastian was taken aback.

"...I mean, you two guys're so alike, I'dn't be surprised if... Oh, just forget it, I don't even know what I'm sayin' anymore," Freckles stuttered. Sebastian swore he'd never seen her so red and he let out a chuckle. Sometimes, women were really perceptive.

"Clearly, you don't," he ruffled her hair affectionately. "But you like him, don't you?"

"WHA—?! NO! I don't... I-I..."

Sebastian gave another chuckle.

"Don't worry, he's all yours. I wouldn't trust him if I were you, though," he warned. His eyes narrowed; half playfully, half threatening. Doll swallowed in fear and embarrassment. Most of the times she didn't understand Black's intentions or what he meant with his words. He was a good man and a part of the family; but he was still a complex, mysterious character.

"Anyway. Shall we go have breakfast, my Lady?" Sebastian offered.

Doll shook her head.

"I think I've lost my appetite."

* * *

"So, where's the damned photograph you talked about yesterday?" Ciel asked as soon as they entered Soma and Agni's tent after eating breakfast. Normally Ciel would've put the work first, but he was starving and the idiotic duo wouldn't tell him anything until they were sure he ate something. Geez, sometimes they were so overprotective.

Agni gave him the picture.

"There were more," he informed, "but I could only take one. She would've noticed other way."

Ciel nodded, analyzing it.

"The man in the middle, he would appear in all the pictures," Soma added, according to what his lover had told him. Ciel glanced at them, a bit intrigued, and then at the picture again to find any other clue about the man or the circus. If he wasn't mistaken, the children surrounding the man in the middle were the first-tiers. And at the bottom, Ciel managed to read:

 _Workhouse_.

Workhouse? They were from a workhouse? Joker had said that most of them were from the same place, so it made sense... But still, what did a workhouse have to do with everything? Where was it? And who exactly was this man and what was his participation in all these events? Ciel didn't know, but he looked like a rich man. Was he a noble? A noble in a workhouse... Maybe he was a philanthropist.

"Oh, and Ciel Sir," Agni spoke, pointing at the picture; "If my eyes are not deceiving me, I can swear that the hallmark of this man's signet ring is the same of Miss Beast's prosthetic leg."

"Agni," Soma muttered in astonishment; "You didn't tell me that."

Agni man gave a condescending smile and shrugged. "Sorry, Prince. I didn't think it mattered."

"Of course it matters!" Ciel snarled. "Agni, do you remember how the hallmark was like?"

Agni gave another shrug. "I guess. I think I can draw it for you, if you'd like me to."

"Yeah, you do that!" Ciel said, suddenly in a hurry.

"Where are you going?" Soma asked.

"We still haven't checked Joker's and Black's tent. Everyone must be busy with chores or practice now, so it's the time. Maybe I can find something else that'll give us another clue."

"Okay! I'll go with you then!"

"No. You stay here with Agni, get him something to draw. I'll be back in a minute, if everything goes well."

"But— okay," Soma shut himself up at the glare Ciel cast at him. "Just be careful, Ciel."

The boy nodded and left them as he ran to Joker's tent, but he stopped before entering when he heard whispers inside. There was someone else besides Joker, Ciel concluded. And... wasn't that Sebastian's voice? He wasn't sure. He leaned in to eavesdrop, but he couldn't hear any words in particular.

* * *

Sebastian sat in Joker's bed, toying with the letter in his hands and staring at the words that read:

_To Tom, the Piper's son._

Joker paced to and fro around the place, rubbing his chin in deep thought.

"I don't get it," he said; "'s been days already, 'n nothing suspicious 's happened."

Sebastian snorted.

"Tch. Call  _'nothing suspicious'_  to the fact that four strangers have entered the circus in the last two days."

"They not dangerous," Joker stated wholeheartedly. "Those two foreigners're kinda naïve, 'n Suit's with Red Death all the time."

"What about Smile?" Sebastian inquired. Joker trusted these people really easily. No, he didn't actually trust them: he was shamelessly underestimating them.

"Smile's a child, Black."

"The Earl of Phantomhive's a child, too, and you know it."

Joker shrugged his shoulders indifferently, and Sebastian felt the need to slap him for once. A side of him was screaming to tell him; to pull Ciel's hair and bring him to Joker to expose him to each one of the circus members. And there was the other side of him that actually cared for Ciel despite everything he was capable of doing. Sebastian wanted to give Father a taste of his own medicine, but he didn't want his circus mates to be affected by it.

What an inconvenient contradiction.

"You know why I'm not worried, Black?" Joker said after a minute of silence.

"Why?" Sebastian met Joker's eyes, snapping out of his thoughts. He was smiling as always, but there was something dark about him now.

"'Cause I know ya, and I know that if you truly found this situation risky, you've already killed 'em."

Sebastian's eyes widened before going downcast again. Too bad, Joker was wrong for the first time.

"Sneaky," Sebastian commented, giving the letter back to him. Sebastian was probably Father's favorite but Joker was the one who always got the mail, maybe because of his devotion towards the man.

Joker hid it under his pillow.

* * *

"Damn... I can't hear anything," Ciel hissed before hearing steps coming towards him.

"Shit," he cursed, giving a few steps back. This had been a complete waste of time: he'd left Soma and Agni alone, he hadn't been able to check Joker's or Black's tents and he hadn't gotten any information.

"Smile!" Joker exclaimed as he met him. "What you doin' 'ere?"

Ciel went pale. He was probably going to be interrogated, or discovered, or punished if he didn't think of a good excuse...

"Nothing," he answered automatically. "I... I was looking for Black to practice."

"For me?" Sebastian said, appearing behind Joker.

"Yeah."

"Ci— Smile!"

Ciel tossed his head to meet with Soma and Agni. The latter quickly hid a folded paper behind him. Ciel assumed it was the drawing.

"Guys."

Luckily, Soma and Agni were sensible enough not to say anything suspicious; for they noticed that Ciel's mission had been frustrated. Sebastian narrowed his eyes and held Ciel's wrist tightly. The fact that he wasn't on Father's side didn't mean he was on Ciel's, either.

"Well then, let's go."

"Wait! What?"

"You said you were looking for me to practice. There's no time to lose then," Sebastian reasoned as he pulled Ciel away with him.

"Oh, that. Of course," Ciel spat between clenched teeth. Once more, his plans had been thwarted, and there was nothing he could do about it. Yet, what irked him the most was that deep down, he wasn't as angry about it as he should have been.

He stared at the confused faces of his friends from the distance, and shrugged his shoulders as he let Sebastian take him away without any objection.

* * *

"I can't believe you."

"Do you honestly think I like this?"

"First you cut your hand, and now you sprain your ankle. What's next? Breaking your skull?" Sebastian teased as he carried Ciel bridal style. The blushing boy glowered.

"It could happen to anyone, you know. Not everyone's a freak like you."

"I'm just one hell of a performer, you see."

"Tsk."

They arrived to Sebastian's tent. The man placed Ciel on his bed to treat the injured limb. Sebastian took off the shoe and sock and observed the swelling ankle. He took care of it in silence, and Ciel scrutinized his face as he did. He looked so handsome focused in his work like that, a slight frown decorating his face.

How sad, he was probably going to end up dead anyway.

No matter how much time they were to spend together or how strong their connection could be, a mission was a mission and there was nothing to do about it. It was sad, though, that Ciel was growing fond of Sebastian: he was hard-working, smart and sneaky, just like him —and he was terribly good in bed.

Saying goodbye would be painful, but it would happen eventually. That was the reason why Ciel never bonded with anyone, unless there was some sort of benefit for him in the end. But that was how love was. It was selfish and always inconvenient. It always brought the very best and the very worst of people, and he was no exception. At first he'd let Sebastian in because he thought it would be a good way to obtain information, but he quickly discovered that it wouldn't happen. Sebastian was like him, he wouldn't tell his secrets to anyone.

And still, Ciel kept that excuse. Maybe it was his stubbornness, or the fact he was still a child and for once he wanted to be immature. Or maybe it was that he finally felt identified, connected to someone no matter what; because they could communicate without words, they could enjoy the silence together and mend their loneliness at least for a while. Because the first time Ciel looked into Sebastian's eyes he read suffering in them, the same suffering that his sapphire blue eye mirrored.

Now he knew.

And Ciel knew, as he lifted Sebastian's chin, that he would never feel so understood again. Sebastian held his stare, somber and decided. Ciel lent forward until their lips touched. Soft, ghostly and delicate, until Sebastian placed his hands at the sides of Ciel's head to keep him still and ignited a flame of passion within him, the decision Ciel was lacking due to his strong sense of pride. But as Sebastian kissed him, Ciel let himself go.

Ciel's kisses were messy and untrained, but filled with a passion that made up for his inexperience. Sebastian smiled on his lips as he guided him with his tongue, teaching him the right way —practicing. Ciel moaned because it felt so good; and he asked himself why sex was always a taboo, why adults never spoke of those things in public or why no one ever told him that this was the best sensation in the world.

Their first time had just been sex.

Like a game of kisses and caresses and love bites to see who was the dominant one, but they were just kids anyway. It was just desire and heat and it didn't mean anything; and it didn't matter that the bed was too small and anyone could enter the tent at any moment, but they wouldn't, because it was  _Black's_  tent.

This time was different, though. They did it once, twice, thrice... three times in a row in just one evening. Ciel dozed off after the first time; when he was suddenly awaken by the unbearable, delicious heat between his legs and the pleasant sensations and tickles, and he lifted his head to find Sebastian's black mane between his legs and let a moan escape his lips.

"You shouldn't trust me, Sebastian," Ciel had warned him after the second time, not even caring if he was being obvious or not. He had the feeling that somehow Sebastian already knew, anyway. "I wouldn't hesitate to kill you if you got in my way somehow. I could kill you tomorrow, for all I know, so don't think you're safe just because we had sex."

Why did he say that? God, it was almost like he was preventing him of what would come. As if he wanted to protect him... What was becoming of him? He wasn't a good person.

"And what makes you think," Sebastian breathed on Ciel's lips, "that I wouldn't kill you too?"

Ciel's smirk broadened. He moved away a tress of hair from Sebastian's lovely face.

"Good," he replied; "That's why I like you."

Sebastian chuckled darkly before kissing him again. And then it happened: the third time was sweeter and slower.

Their first time had been just a fit of passion. They had let themselves go with the moment: it had been the culmination of a battle in that implicit war where each side's representatives fought to see who was leading. This time, however, it was different. It wasn't a war anymore, but a truce. When they were on the bed the war ceased, and it didn't matter who was who. So it was comprehensible that they didn't want to leave the bed anymore; because that would mean ending with that ephemeral moment of peace and go back to war, at least until the night came again and they could go back to the bed where no one would bother them, to pause their worlds again until the morning came or obligation arose.

Although their bond was recent, it was already too deep. After all, they were nothing else but teenagers used and abused by life; so it was obvious they would get along. It was normal that they would like to enjoy the little time they still had and forget about their responsibilities and prides for once in their lives.

The young earl knew about sex, rape, and torture. But that day, Sebastian taught him another thing; for the earl of Phantomhive learned what it was like to make love.

* * *

This time, Sebastian was the one to fall asleep first.

It wasn't that much of a surprise, though. The man was always working and slept too little; so it was obvious that the recent activities with Ciel finally worn him out. He could be the closest thing there was to perfection, but he was still human.

Ciel observed him doze. His mouth was slightly open and a disobedient strand of hair floated up and down according to his breathing.

Ciel smiled a little.

He was tired for sure, but he had no time to lose. He liked being with Sebastian and everything, but that didn't change the fact that he was still on a mission and he had things to do.

Dressing himself without waking him up was an odyssey. He was used to people dressing him: in the mansion, Tanaka. While he was with Sebastian he dressed him kindly, so Ciel thought he wouldn't have problems with that anymore; but he'd been wrong. Like during his first day in the circus, he struggled trying to bottom his shirt and put his shoes on. Putting his pants back on wasn't any easier either, since somehow they ended beneath Sebastian. Ciel had to be very careful to remove them from there. Sebastian rolled in the bed and for a minute Ciel froze, planning an excuse, but when he started snoring softly Ciel knew danger was over for now.

Giving up after his fifth attempt of tying his shoelaces, he decided he didn't need to. He stood up from the bed, making sure not to make any rough movement that could wake Sebastian up.

Ciel exited the tent successfully. He tried to run to Soma and Agni's tent but realized he couldn't with an injured ankle, so he walked slowly until he arrived.

"Ciel! What happened to you?!" a worried Soma inquired the moment he saw him. Soma and Agni were sitting on the bed, discussing something. At least he didn't catch them doing anything embarrassing, Ciel thought with relief.

"Nothing," he lied, embarrassed when Agni knelt down in front of him and buttoned his shirt correctly. "I fell."

"Did Black do something to you?" Soma asked, narrowing his eyes.

"No!" Ciel answered a little louder than necessary. Agni and Soma stared at him with shock, and Ciel cursed inwardly for snapping like that. "I mean, no. S— Black just took me practice, but I fell and sprained my ankle. He took me to his tent and took care of it, that's it."

"Hm... I still don't like that man."

"He's clever," Agni said, and Ciel didn't know if he meant it in a good or a bad way. "I think he suspect us."

"That's highly probable," Ciel admitted. Details, though, were not necessary, so he skipped them. "I think he's trying to keep us apart, so we need to move fast. This night during the function we need to explore the missing tents. You'll check Joker's while I do Black's."

Ciel suddenly noticed his stupid mistake. He could've had checked the tent while he was there! How didn't he think about it before?! He'd been too busy admiring Sebastian's face.

"Won't you perform tonight?" Soma questioned, snapping him out of his thoughts. Ciel pointed at his foot.

"Sprained ankle. I can't, Black's gonna need another partner."

"By the way," Agni said, holding out a piece of paper in front of Ciel; "Here's the drawing you asked for, sir."

"Keep it," Ciel ordered. "Black's after me, it seems. It wouldn't be good if he finds it. It'll be safer with you two."

 _'You're not the ones in risk of being undressed by him,'_  Ciel thought. Luckily, Soma and Agni weren't the kind that usually asked a lot of questions.

"Okay. Count with us, Ciel sir."

Ciel nodded and left carefully.

"Uff..." Soma exhaled, letting himself fall on the bed. "Ciel's actually focusing on the mission. I was starting to get worried."

"What do you mean, Prince?"

"I mean," Soma's brows knitted, and he ran a hand nervously through his plum hair as he sat up again. He didn't know how to voice out his thoughts without making it sound bad. "Agni, do you think Ciel and Black are—"

"No!" Agni answered, a little faster than necessary. He knew what Soma was implying, for he himself had been thinking about it too; and he didn't like where this was going. "N-no," he composed himself; "Master Ciel... he's on a mission, it must be all a coincidence... Besides, there's Lady Elizabeth too, and, well... He couldn't. He  _wouldn't_."

Soma laughed awkwardly. "You're right, you're right. What am I thinking?"

Agni nodded slowly, gaze downcast. Soma grinned sympathetically and stroked one of Agni's white brows, trying to undo the twitch that had formed in his face. Agni met his eyes, his cheeks dyed slightly pink and let a small smile grace his lips. He cupped Soma's face in his hands and gave him a modest kiss.

Soma's eyelids lowered when Agni finished, and he whispered with flushed cheeks:

"I just wanna go home soon."

Agni nodded once again, embracing his Prince as they let themselves fall on the bed.

* * *

The night arrived sooner than expected. The main tent was a disaster, just like always before a show. Nerves and excitement floated in the air, colorful clothes and accessories here and there and people running everywhere to make sure everything was ready.

Ciel was exhausted.

Once he finished helping Dagger however he could, he sat down on the floor to have a little rest before Agni and Soma arrived. They should be with Beast and the animals, getting everything prepared for her performance.

He closed his eyes for a minute and let the numbness of sleep rub at the corners of his tired mind, when...

"You left," Sebastian said in a harsh tone. He wasn't angry or hurt, he felt simply... fooled. Ciel sighed, rubbing his temples.

"Sorry. I thought you'd want a good rest before tonight."

"So you're performing?"

Ciel's eye snapped open. "Are you crazy? Did you forget about—?!"

"I'm not performing without you," Sebastian stated firmly, though it sounded more like a warning.

Ciel winced deeply.

"Sebastian,  _please_..."

"What's happenin' 'ere?" Joker appeared next to Sebastian, followed by Beast, Agni and Soma. "'S there any problem?"

"I sprained my ankle," Ciel said, raising his leg so Joker could see the bandage. "It's obvious I can't go out there."

"I see," Joker murmured thoughtfully. "Well, it seems we'll need another replacement."

"Joker, I refuse to perform without Smile," Sebastian insisted stubbornly.

"Oh come on! Stop being so childish!" Ciel bit out with poison. What was his point now, always ruining his plans?! He was starting to get tired of this.

"Black," Joker interceded; "Don't be hard on the boy. 'S obvious he's injured. Why don't'cha act with Suit or Red Death? I'm pretty sure—"

"Did someone call me?" Grell burst into the place, a strong grip around Suit's arm, but he didn't seem to mind. Sebastian snorted. She finally deigned to appear on time now that he didn't want her to. Could she be more inopportune?

"Guys!" Joker said cheerfully. He looked happy to see them, unlike Sebastian. "Yeah, we've got a lil' problem 'ere. Smile's sprained his ankle 'n I was wonderin' if one of you could—"

"I told you. I'm not going out there with anyone but Smile, and Smile only."

"Fine!" Ciel stood up, grimacing from the pain of the abrupt movement. "If you insist so much, why don't you let them do the whole act?!"

"That's—"

"Me?!" Grell huffed dramatically. "Kid, you're absolutely mad if you think I'm climbing on a trapeze. After all the effort I've made dressing up and doing my hair!"

"Alright, alright, why don't we chill out a lil'? I'm sure we can work this out," Joker interceded. "Now, Suit, d'you think you could give us a 'and up there?"

William shrugged indifferently. "I guess."

Joker seemed mildly relieved. Ciel was relieved also, until Joker turned to face Soma and Agni.

"What 'bout you? I know this'sn't what you do, but d'you think one of you could help us 'ere?"

"What?!" the three of them —Ciel included— exclaimed in unison. Sebastian smirked, he hadn't been expecting this, but if those two were not by Ciel's side then he couldn't do much.

"That's a wonderful idea. In fact, why don't you  _two_  do the act?"

"N-no," Soma stammered. "This wasn't part of the plan, you see, and I'm a little... Kinda afraid of heights, so there's no way..."

Whether it was a lie or not, Ciel didn't know, but he mentally thanked Soma for that excuse.

Sebastian's eyebrow twitched. "Oh, please—"

"We'll do it," Agni said confidently. Both Soma and Ciel looked at him like he'd lost it. "Soma and I. Mr. Suit can stay here if he prefers that."

Joker smiled. William remained stoic and pushed up his glasses with his scythe.

"Whatever."

"But... Agni..."

"We can do it," Agni smiled sincerely at his lover to give him confidence, and then stared back at Joker. "But first, please allow us to take Smile back to his tent, since he can't walk well."

"Of course. Just remember, yer act's at 19:30 and the encore's at 20:00. Thank you so much, guys," Joker said, giving them a tight hug. "Owe you a big one."

"We're glad to help."

The ginger gave a curt nod and winked, leaving with Beast. Agni carried Ciel on his back and they started heading towards the exit of the tent. Before Sebastian could offer himself to take Ciel to the tent instead, he was interrupted by Grell who clung at his neck all of a sudden.

"Wait, Sebas-chan, where are you going? You still need to try on the new outfit I designed for you~."

"I'll go in a minute, Grell, it can wait..."

"Wait?!" Grell seethed; "Are you telling a lady to wait?! No way, you're coming with me now. Honestly, I don't know what's wrong with you lately, Sebas-chan. Just because I've been spending more time with Will these days doesn't mean you have the right to disappear and neglect our act. I know you're one of the ringleaders and everything, but I've been busy too and you don't see me abandoning our performance! We're still a team, you know? Tsk, I hate when men don't appreciate my job..."

Sebastian had two options. He could punch Grell, tell her that she had actually been neglecting their act those days and try to reach Ciel. He could also keep quiet and go with her. The former sound more like something he wanted to do, but it would mean trouble for later. The latter meant that Ciel would won another battle, but it wasn't that important, after all, he couldn't do much without his friends' help and a sprained ankle.

So he decided to swallow his pride and chose the latter.

"Fine," he spat to stop Grell's rambling; "Let's do this fast."

Grell huffed, clearly offended, but she did shut up. Sebastian let himself be pulled outside by the irritated redhead. He was stronger and could have easily gone away, but that would mean Grell would've started another of her tantrums and Sebastian certainly wanted to avoid that. The sooner they finished with this, the better. He turned and caught sight of Ciel and his friends walking away. Ciel turned at the same time, too, and Sebastian swore he could see him smirking victoriously at him as Agni carried him away.

Sebastian frowned. All right, he had won this one.

* * *

"Hey, Agni. You weren't being serious about going on stage, right?" Soma asked with a trembling voice as they changed their direction to the first-tier members' tents once they noticed no one else was near. Said man gave him an apologetic smile.

"I'm sorry, Prince. It was the only way that man would leave us alone."

"But—"

"Prince. Trust me, I'll never let anything hurt you, so please don't be scared."

"Agni..." Soma whispered, his eyes bright.

Ciel cleared his throat. "Keep it to yourselves."

"Sorry," Soma apologized, looking at the ground in embarrassment. "Anyway, Ciel, what's the plan now? We won't be able to help you..."

Ciel sighed. Soma was slow.

"We're just missing two tents, so I don't really need your help. You'll just take care of the snakes, take me to Black's and then go to the show. All the first-tier members' tents are close to each other, so it won't be a problem for me to go from one to another. Once you're finished with the act, you'll release the snakes again and return for the encore."

"But Ciel, isn't that dangerous?"

"There's no other way. I'd rather do it like yesterday, but it can't be helped. I'll be fine."

The Prince and his servant didn't seem very convinced, but they had no other option; so they didn't argue and exchanged a worried look which Ciel didn't miss.

They could only hope for the best.

* * *

"This is it," Agni stated as they caught the last snake.

"I swear, it's getting easier!" Soma giggled as he gave the flute to Ciel for him to hide.

Agni carried Ciel again. He could walk more or less well, but it would take him more time and that was exactly what they didn't have. They ran to Sebastian's tent just in time and Ciel ordered them to leave. Soma still looked unsure, but Agni dragged him away tenderly and gave him some words of comfort, which Ciel tried to ignore. Ugh, sometimes they were just so sickeningly sweet...

They finally left, and Ciel found himself alone.

He didn't like it.

Standing there, in the same place where he and Sebastian had shared a bed, made love, and now it felt like he was betraying him. And he was, but that wasn't what bothered him. He'd never had trouble before about betraying people whenever it was necessary, but now it felt different, and he hated it. It was asphyxiating him, being there. What if Sebastian caught him? He wouldn't be able to stand it. Why, why now? What had the man done to him?

And yet, Ciel searched. He carefully inspected every nook and cranny of the room to make sure there wasn't anything suspicious. And there wasn't. Just a few old pictures; but no letters, weapons, or anything else. Nothing but clothes, books and some hygiene products.

Ciel couldn't help sighing in relief.

Honestly, the fact that there was nothing too personal in the tent was off itself, but Ciel chose not to worry about that. It was better like this. He should be mad he found nothing, but he couldn't bring himself to be. It was better this way.

Some rambling voices outside put him on alert, until he recognized a language he didn't understand: it was Hindi. Agni and Soma were approaching.

"Ciel," Soma whispered, his head peeking into the tent. "How is it?"

"Nothing here," he answered as they both entered, glaring at them. "Anyway, what are you doing here? You're supposed to release the snakes."

"We thought you might need some help to go from Black's to Joker's tent, sir," Agni said; "So we came here as soon as we finished."

Ciel wanted to scold them, but it was actually a good idea. He wouldn't refuse a little bit of extra help.

"Alright, thanks. Let's do this quickly, and then go and release the snakes as I told you."

"Okay," they both said as they left him in Joker's. Soma added: "Ciel, be careful. And don't forget time's almost over."

"I know, don't tell me what to do. Now go back, is almost time for the encore," Ciel beckoned them to go away. They did reluctantly.

Like the other ones, Joker's tent was simple too. Ciel rummaged in his chest, but it held nothing important. He was about to leave, when he caught sight of a piece of paper folded under the pillow. He took it curiously: it was a letter.

The remittent was ambiguous: it was signed as  _'Tom, the Piper's son'_. Ciel immediately thought of Mother Goose as he read it. He grimaced. What did that have to do with everything?

However, his eyes widened and his blood froze in his veins when he opened the envelope and found no more and no less than a letter that contained his name, birth date and some other information about himself. He suddenly felt the need to throw up.

What was that supposed to mean?

Could it be that... maybe... they wanted him? But why?

Or maybe... oh, no. Maybe he'd been discovered already! That was why Sebastian was always trying to mess up with his plans!

No, but that wasn't possible. If someone did know about his identity, they would've done something to him already, wouldn't they? Sure, Joker could be really friendly, but he wouldn't be that stupid to let him stay after finding the truth about him. It simply made no sense.

Or perhaps... Perhaps Sebastian was the only one who knew already, but he had no evidence. Although... it wasn't like he actually needed proof, for everyone in the circus trusted and admired him for his hard work and talent. It wouldn't be hard for him to tell everyone and...

The sudden noise outside drew Ciel's attention from the thousand theories he was formulating in his mind. Dammit, he had completely forgotten about it, despite Soma and Agni's warning: his time was over. The troupe was back.

He stood up with difficulty and walked as fast as he could. His ankle ached, but it wasn't time to think about that. He could heal it properly and deal with the swelling once he was back in the manor.

It was hard trying to walk swiftly but at the same time smoothly so he wouldn't make any noise. He hid behind some boxes as he watched Joker and company chatting happily. Ciel held his breath and thought he was safe when they passed by right in front of him, but he was wrong, because right in front of him was a snake hissing at him dangerously. His heart skipped a beat. How was he supposed to escape now? And like that wasn't enough, then...

"Hey. What're you doin' there?"

That was it. He'd been discovered.

Ciel tossed his head and met with a girl in a white outfit with lots flowers, staring accusingly at him. His mind raced to think any kind of believable excuse that could save him; but before he could voice it, the girl put her hand on his mouth to shut him up and ordered him not to move.

"Hey, Doll..."

"Doll, what you doin'?" Ciel recognized one of the voices, it was Dagger's. He hadn't heard the other one before, but he knew it was Snake's only because  _'Doll'_  muttered his name in a surprised tone before letting go of Ciel and facing them.

"A venomous snake was slithering about. Didn't I tell you not to let them loose outside? You'd better put 'em away in your room properly now," she lectured while Dagger squealed in fear and the snake hissed uncontrollably in her hand. Snake apologized and took the animal as both men left.

Once they were far away enough from them, the girl stared coldly at Ciel. "This way," she said, grabbing his wrist and taking him away. What was she doing? Was she going to expose him to Joker? Or even worse, to Sebastian...

They walked a long way. She guided Ciel and warned him what to and what not to do. Ciel followed her in silence; he didn't need more trouble wherever they were going and preferred to observe quietly and think of all the possibilities and solutions he could reach.

"It should be fine now since we came so far," she finally announced, coming to a halt and checking if there were people close.

Ciel coughed, shocked. Did she just...?

"Why did you help me?" he dared to inquire.

She huffed.

"You still don't get it? It's me," she announced, taking her flower arrangement off her head and repeating: "Me!"

"Ah!" Ciel exclaimed as he recognized  _'him'_. "Freckles?! You're a guy... yet you wear that costume?!"

"How rude! Here. It's obvious that I'm a girl." She took Ciel's hand and placed it on her blooming breasts. Ciel recoiled in the blink of an eye, face burning.

"You can take a peek downstairs next if you want?" she offered mischievously, amused by his reaction.

"No, thank you!" the boy shouted back, mortified.

Doll chuckled as Ciel finally regained his composure.

"So..." she began. Ciel coughed; "why were you in there anyways? Didn't Joker tell you about the venomous snakes?"

Ciel's expression went bitter. He disliked the path this conversation was taking, slowly cornering him. It left him with no other option than to pretend he was a thief. Vulgar, but it might save him.

"I'm sorry! I didn't actually steal anything today, though. Please don't boot me out of here!"

"Today?" Doll's features hardened on him. "You..."

"Before I became a page boy I was actually in East End having to do all I could just to help myself," Ciel lied. "The mansion I worked for previously found out about it... I... If I was driven out of here, I'd have to live on East End again..."

A silence settled between them. Ciel tried his best to look miserable, and eventually, Doll's features softened. This boy... he was so little and forlorn, she couldn't do anything bad to him. He wasn't actually a bad person; for anyone in his position would've probably done the same.

Oh, she knew about surviving.

"So you really didn't steal anything, eh?"

"No, I didn't. I swear to God."

What she didn't know was that swearing to God coming from Ciel Phantomhive didn't really mean anything. She sighed.

"Oh well, I have no choice then. It's okay. Anyhow, I owe you."

"Thank you so much!" a wave of relief washed over Ciel. It had been close.

"I think everyone has some things about them they don't want anyone to know," she muttered in deep thought; "Besides, I did something bad to you yesterday."

Ciel suddenly understood why she was being so kind. Apparently, and despite he'd forgiven her, she was still feeling bad about the baths' incident last day morning.

"So, I won't tell anyone about this," she went on, a friendly beam on her face. She looked prettier like that. "But now we are even. However, don't steal again no matter what!"

"Yes," Ciel promised in vain. "Um... can I ask you something?" he inquired. "Why does a first-tier member like you share a tent with me?"

"Ah..." she suddenly looked gloomy, as if Ciel had touched a nerve; "I'm just not a fan of private rooms. Staying with someone else seems to make me sleep better sometimes. I hope that you don't mind sharing a tent with me now that you know I'm a first-tier member."

"Of course not."

_Is this what Joker meant when he said everyone here has been through something?_

"Hehe, neat," the grin returned to her face and she stretched a hand towards Ciel; "So we will keep what happened today our secret."

"Okay," Ciel faked a smile and shook her hand merrily. Then she walked away and waved him goodbye. He mirrored her action.

She seemed nice, but that wasn't enough. He still didn't trust her. He didn't trust anyone, because humans were always disgusting liars that acted according to their interests. So Ciel had to be careful, because there was no proof that she wouldn't betray him right away.

 _'All humans are liars, including me,'_  Ciel thought bitterly. The night was cold and he could see his breath in the air. Somehow, and now that he was alone to think about it, he felt so helpless. So broken, so empty. This circus... He knew from the very beginning that something was off about it, and he wanted to leave oh so badly, but at the same time there was a pain inside of him so burning, so aching at the thought that it was almost comparable to that night's freezing wind. And it was frustrating, though, that his heart was crumbling so desperately and he had no tears to shed. Not even he had enough enthusiasm to scream or throw a fit rage as he insulted everything and everyone around him while he tossed and broke everything within his reach, like a madman. No, the pain was so drowning, so hard but there was no voice to express it. It had no body, like an incorporeal spirit wandering hopelessly around every nook of his mind and heart, seeking freedom, but unable to leave nonetheless.

The sound of clapping interrupted his thoughts, starting him.

"You just deceived Doll," he heard Sebastian speaking behind him, cold as the night around them. "Great job."

"Sebastian," Ciel coughed, and he knew he had gone paler than normal. Still, full of pride, he turned and met him with a defiant glare. "What," another cough; "are you talking about?"

Sebastian narrowed his eyes and feigned a laugh. He was still wearing his circus attire.

"Yeah, right. Act like you don't know."

"I do not know!" Ciel insisted between coughs, but it was useless. His throat itched and his chest felt heavy, and under any other circumstance he would have noticed he was in risk of suffering an asthma attack, but now he was too focused in the readable disappointment in Sebastian's eyes and the danger that would mean were his identity discovered.

Sebastian seethed. He knew almost from the very beginning that Ciel was lying to his face so shamelessly, and the worst part of everything was that he'd let him. Dammit, he even played along for a while... He even let himself fall for him, knowing he was a sham. And now Sebastian was reaching the end of his rope, and he couldn't bear that Ciel, such a very good actor was trying to deceive him in his own game like he'd just done with Doll, sweet innocent Doll.

Sebastian gave a few strides to approach him. Ciel recoiled in response; for he didn't like the fury in those scarlet eyes, that of a madman's.

Sebastian was quicker, though. He grabbed Ciel's shoulders as he knelt down to be at his height. He could read the fear in his cerulean gaze, and Ciel mentally cursed himself because he knew Sebastian could read him so well.

"You liar," Sebastian hissed, "Stop trying to make a fool out of me."

Ciel looked down, unable to meet his gaze. He hated that tone: so low, so bitter, so restrained. Like a father disappointed of his son, trying his best not to insult him, but lecturing him nonetheless. It made him feel guilty. It would've been better if Sebasitan screamed, maybe even hit him, but no. He was destroying him slowly and cruelly from the very inside.

After two of three coughs more and seeing that Ciel wasn't going to admit any of his lies, Sebastian frowned even more deeply. He stood up, grabbed Ciel's wrist and pulled him.

"What are you doing?! Let me go!" Ciel shouted, trying to get away. In response, Sebastian tightened his grip around the delicate wrist.

"I'm taking you to Joker's. You're going to tell him all of your lies and you and your friends will be killed once and for all, just like you deserved from the very beginning."

Ciel didn't even believe he dared to say it.

"I don't know what you mean! SEBASTIAN, LET ME GO!"

Ciel's squirming frame was able to get away. Maybe because he'd put up a little more of resistance, or maybe because Sebastian feared that he could wake everyone up with the piercing shriek that had torn his throat, as if he was being tortured. Or maybe it was how the coughs were interrupting his sentences more and more often and Sebastian swore, he swore he heard a whistling sound coming from Ciel's chest. Whatever the reason was, or maybe all of them together, Sebastian froze on his tracks, forgetting his anger and turning to look at Ciel, completely aghast.

"Smile?"

Ciel was trembling, giving his back to him, a few steps away.

"Leave me alone," Ciel whispered quietly.

Sebastian blinked, involuntarily stretching his hand at him. "But—"

"I SAID LEAVE ME AL—!"

Ciel didn't get to finish the sentence. A wave of vomit interrupted him, coming out of his mouth, and he helplessly raised his hands to cover it uselessly. Sebastian gasped.

"S-Smile! What's wrong?! Smile!"

But it didn't matter, because Ciel didn't know either and he looked at him, still trembling and covered in vomit, and Sebastian saw how his exaggeratedly opened eyes fluttered weakly and Ciel swayed.

Sebastian ran towards him, forgetting completely about the discussion from minutes before and held the frightened child's body within his arms while Ciel shivered and struggled to breathe.

* * *

"It's asthma," Doctor said, but the answer didn't ease Sebastian's guilt. "An attack can be caused by a sudden chill or stress."

Sebastian was still frowning. If he hadn't treated Ciel so harshly, maybe he wouldn't have reacted like that and the asthma attack would've been avoided, therefore the visit to Doctor too.

Sebastian actually knew that it hadn't been his fault and it would've happened sooner or later anyway, but the remorse didn't go away anyway. Because when you cared for someone and something bad happened to that someone, the heart had bizarre ways of reacting. Remorse was one of them. Damn it, damn that boy for making him care!

A single, dazed blue eye fluttered open.

"A-auntie Anne?"

"Oh, that's great, you have regained consciousness!" Doctor announced. Doll and Sebastian stood behind him, unable to do anything but stare. Ciel asked for water, which Doll offered to him. Sebastian was paralyzed, torn between his worry and the feeling of betrayal in his chest. As Doctor made a few recommendations, Sebastian was the first one to leave, having nothing to say at the moment and wishing for some moments of peace by himself.

* * *

"Black."

Sebastian sat up in the bed and looked blankly at the intruder.

"Joker. What is it?"

"Pack up your stuff. We need to see Father."

Sebastian blinked as he stood up. "What?  _Why_?"

Joker narrowed his eyes. This was odd, the ginger was being unusually serious.

"Snake saw Agni, Soma and Smile in my tent. Think they were lookin' for summat."

Sebastian felt the blood drain from his face. He didn't think Snake would've seen anything. At least it seemed that he'd gone unnoticed.

"I see. So they know," Sebastian muttered like it was new information, when in reality he was just expressing a fact he had long known about and yet he'd done anything to prevent it. Joker studied him carefully, but he found nothing in that expression of his. There was a hint of dread, but he attributed it to the fact that they were about to be discovered, when it truly was just the weight of reality finally starting to fall on Sebastian's shoulders and the consequences of his impassiveness during the entire charade. This wasn't a game where he could play both sides anymore, but the calling of his obligations within the group he truly belonged to —because he belonged to Father, he belonged to the circus just like everyone else, no matter how much he despised it.

"'Tis possible. Anyway, we need to consult Father first 'nd as soon as possible."

Sebastian nodded.

"Give me half an hour," he asked.

* * *

Sebastian tiptoed quietly as he entered Ciel's tent. Doll was in the bed, her arm and leg around Ciel. A look of surprise crossed Sebastian's countenance before turning into a faint, tender smile at the sight that greeted him. They both looked so peaceful...

He pressed his hand to Ciel's forehead slowly. His brows and mouth creased at the feeling of overheated skin. Was Ciel getting any better?

Well, at least it seemed like he was in a deep slumber.

Sebastian withdrew his hand with a sigh and wondered what he was doing there. Somehow the prospect of leaving without checking how Ciel was doing bothered him, but not as much as it bothered him the fact that he was there, standing on one knee next to the bed of the sick boy.

Damn, he was weak.

Deciding that it was time to finally leave, he motioned to get to his feet, when he caught sight of a blurred, half-lidded blue eye trying to focus his surroundings.

Ciel blinked. Sebastian blinked.

None of them said anything for a little while. Doll was snoring, but they ignored her. Ciel blinked again and Sebastian uttered another defeated sigh and sat in the bed, carefully not to wake the girl up. He looked at Ciel, tenderly, lovingly; his heart full of a feeling so intense it was overwhelming and almost left him breathless.

Sebastian's fingertips danced gingerly on Ciel's flushed cheeks, lips and sweaty forehead. He moved away the tresses of damp, darkened hair and then went down to touch his cheeks again, admiring his unchanging expression. Ciel's lips were parted, exhaling shallow puffs of breath. His lid fell over the visible eye once again, hiding it from Sebastian. He sighed, again, so tired and full with this strange emotion he didn't know how to control. "What kinds of horrible things has this eye seen in such a short life? Enough to drive a grown-up man mad," Sebastian whispered as he caressed the eyelid and the lashes that had just closed. He caressed the other eyelid, too, and removed the eye-patch. And Ciel was still so beautiful, no one would ever notice he was missing something if you saw him like this —just a pretty little porcelain doll with big and dark eyelashes and silky closed eyelids, one that would remain closed forever on an eye that didn't exist anymore.

Sebastian liked it, though.

The single azure eye greeted him again, still cloudy. "I'm sorry," Ciel mouthed before closing it again, and Sebastian understood.

"No. I'm sorry," he replied, knowing that this routine of mistrust and lies and twisting the knife was far from over and yet they couldn't do anything about it. They were far too deep in the game now. This was the point of no return.

Ciel smiled sweetly, airily, and opened his eye one more time. It was unfocused, which made Sebastian wonder if he really knew what was happening and who was actually with him. He could be having delusions or fever dreams, who knew? The world made no sense at all as Ciel twirled and danced in a world of nonsense and fantasies blended so tightly with reality it was actually confusing...

Or maybe he was aware of everything.

Whatever the truth was, Sebastian found out that he didn't care. He got closer to the fevered boy and pressed his lips against his forehead affectionately. When he broke the contact, Ciel was still staring at him, and Sebastian thought that he looked so much like an adult at that moment, so serious and dazed and yet so conscious...

"Was that a goodbye kiss?" Ciel whispered hoarsely, a smirk twitching his lips if ever just slightly. Sebastian smirked back, somewhere between bitterness and love, and he bent down once again, this time kissing his lips.

He lingered there. Unmoving, just lingered.

Ciel blinked.

Sebastian stood up and walked towards the exit without saying anything more. It would just ruin the moment.

"Well then. Goodbye, Sebastian," he barely heard behind him. He smiled painfully as he left both Ciel and an asleep Doll behind.

He knew.

"Oh, no. This isn't goodbye,  _Ciel_ ," he muttered to himself.

* * *

"Where are you going?"

Joker turned around at the source of the voice. Feminine, accusing. That voice he knew so well.

"Ah... I'm off to see Father. Waitin' for Black, tho. What about you? Can't you sleep?"

"Let's quit."

Joker's eyes widened, but he didn't reply. Instead, he let Beast speak. She seemed upset, and Joker did want to hear what she had to say, no matter how unviable it was.

"We have this circus. We can work it out. So let's stop doing these things and escape to a place where Father can't find us."

Joker almost giggled. Almost. Instead, he just offered her an incredulous smile. And yes, she looked lovely like that, all determined, brow knotting in her typical scowl and offering him dreams that would never happen, and yet she seemed so resolved about it.

How beautiful and naïve.

"Cross over the mountain to you? That's impossible," Joker replied, turning his back on her. "I don't have time to talk about such things."

"Wait!" she yelled, clinging to him desperately. She couldn't let him go, she couldn't...

Joker smiled bitterly.

"What's wrong? This isn't like you. This is what we decided. We decided to protect our most precious thing. For that, we will do anything."

Beast's grip tightened around him. Joker grimaced, but she couldn't see it. It wasn't about the physical pain but how much he hated to hurt her, and yet, he couldn't stop doing it. It was beyond his reach.

"But... but I don't want to see your painful face anymore!" she exclaimed, voice loud and steady despite how much she wanted to cry. "Because I...!"

"Did you forget?" Joker's firm grip on her arms stopped her as he faced her. He was frowning deeply. "We can't turn back now."

Her lips trembled and Joker smiled at her sympathetically, hoping to soothe her a little. He didn't want to see her cry, so he carefully took off his scarf and placed it around her neck with such delicacy it left her speechless. "Joker!" she was able to voice after a while, but he was already leaving.

"Good night."

_Too late._

No, it wasn't! She ran towards him, crying already, and caught him right away. Joker trembled. He faced her and held her, and she closed the space between their lips while sobbing. He kissed her back. If this was the only solace he could give her, he would. He loved her so, maybe not how she wanted him to love her, but he loved her anyway. He knew that sometimes, like this once, she cried when no one could see her. And he hated it so much, he hated himself so much it hurt and for a minute it was comforting to have Beast's lips on his to forget about everything.  _'Maybe_ , _'_  he thought to himself,  _'if this were another time, another place... If the circumstances were different...'_

He would've allowed himself to drop his distance and fall for her. But that was...

 _"Cross over the mountain to you? That's_ impossible _."_

 _Please don't leave me,_ her kiss meant _. I'm sorry,_ meant his _; for everything, but I'll come back for you._

 _You promise?_ her lips expressed wordlessly as she kissed him with passion, tears still rolling down her cheeks. _I do,_ he assured her, hands tangled in her hair. She gasped for air and they broke away, exchanging gazes of love in different stages, different intensities, but love anyway. He wiped what was left of her tears away and smiled, his hands falling at his sides.

"Don't cry."

She nodded and hugged him goodbye. She was willing to wait, to wait all the time he needed to heal, like a princess waits for her prince, though she knew those were just fairytales and she wasn't a princess. She wasn't the beauty, but the Beast...

He placed a quick kiss on her lips and watched her go to her tent. He would've liked to accompany her, but that would only make his heart break even more and he couldn't break, not in front of her, not when she needed to be protected and assured that everything would be fine in the end, even if it was the sweetest of the lies.

When she finally disappeared from his sight, his smile dropped. He knew we would never keep his promise, because, even if he came back safely —and he would, he knew he would— he would never be able to come back to her, not the way she expected him too. Because Joker could never be the same anymore.

* * *

"What are you doing here?"

Soma's eyebrow twitched. Behind him, Agni held a severe expression. Sebastian's bittersweet smile faded right away.

"That's none of your business."

"Hey, if you dared to do something bad to Smile, we—!"

"I didn't do anything. And you're gonna wake them up if you keep talking so loud," Sebastian retorted, holding Soma's index finger which was poking his chest in an attempt to threaten him.

"Them?" Soma asked in bewilderment, exchanging glances with Agni. The latter gave a few steps forward, standing just a few centimeters away from that one they called  _'Black'_. They glared at each other before Agni said very quietly:

"Listen to me carefully. If you did something to our friend, you can say goodbye to your pretty little circus and friends. Did I make myself clear?"

Sebastian scoffed. "Be my guest, then. I despise this place almost as much as you do. And I am not afraid of you. So come on, take a look for yourselves unless you wanna fight right now —I didn't do anything."

Sebastian left. The inseparable duo entered the sick tent to check on how his friend was doing. Of all the places, of all the times, he had to get an asthma attack here, where they couldn't take care of him properly.

Ciel was fine. Sick, but not newly injured nor dead, proving Sebastian's words true. It was good, however, it left them with a bitter taste in their mouths: what was that man doing then, if he wasn't trying to harm Ciel? Would he have gone to visit him just to see how he was doing? But why would he even care?

Wait a minute...

Did he  _care_?

Somehow, they didn't want to know. And Ciel wouldn't tell why Sebastian was there, or why they were so close lately. Therefore, those questions remained unanswered as Ciel just gave them quiet instructions about going to London's crest office and finding out who owned the seal he saw and the letter he gave them before that night; and coming back to pick him up in the morning.

* * *

"Joker."

"Yer here. Let's go," the ginger whispered tonelessly when Sebastian arrived. Joker didn't look him in the eyes, for Black had startled him and there was a possibility that he'd seen the scene from before, because Beast had just left.

And yes, indeed, Sebastian saw.

Just when he left the sick tent, he caught sight of Beast and Joker kissing at the distance. But Sebastian had just smiled softly and let them share their moment. After all, who was he to scold them for their forbidden love, anyway? He was the one to talk about love and its irrationalities, for he had broken all of the rules just because of his own feelings and selfishness. He was no one to judge.

And so, Noah's Ark Circus was left behind them as they walked silently into the night.

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I kinda have a lot to say about this chapter. First of all, the warnings: this chapter deals with mentions of sexual abuse, paedophilia, violence, death, spoilers for those who haven't read the manga/watched the most recent series (duhhh XD) etc, etc. I tried to make it as less explicit as possible so it would be more like just suggestive, but still. Everyone who's read/watched Kuroshitsuji would know that this isn't an innocent series we're talking about, and the Book of Circus is one of the most perverse and twisted arcs in the story (if not the most, which is one of the reasons why it's my favorite haha) so you should all have an idea of where this is heading, but since I'm the author it's my responsibility to warn you anyway because I don't want anyone to get unpleasant surprises.
> 
> Second of all, this chapter (and the next one too, if I'm not mistaken) will deal with several flashbacks so we get to know more about Sebastian. I tried to establish a parallel between past and present experiences that he has. The flashbacks are written in italics.
> 
> Well, we're just missing two more chapters (aside from this one). This is the end of the William/Grell mini arc in the story. Normally I like to update after I've seen the episode, but I might not have time later today u.u so here it is. I really hope you enjoy!

As the sun rose, William awoke. Grell was lying next to him, her red mane a tangled mess.

William stood up carefully and let out a sigh. He knew that his job at the circus was done, but he didn't want to leave. He didn't want to say goodbye, for God knows when he'd be able to see Grell again...

He opted for not saying goodbye. It didn't really matter, or at least it shouldn't. This was his work, he wasn't allowed to let himself go by stupid feelings, and it would save them the awkward and bittersweet taste of a separation. They weren't together for that long, yet somehow their connection was strong, like it was magnetic...

Will dressed up and took his few belongings before turning around to leave. However, before he could exit the tent he heard Grell's sleepy voice asking:

"Where are you going?"

Will stopped. He adjusted his glasses with his scythe and answered:

"I'm leaving."

"Where?" Grell demanded. The bed made sounds as she stood up and hugged William from behind, burying her face in his nape. William gulped at the sudden contact, the feeling of Grell's hot breath in his back. It was alluring and somehow heartbreaking, too, because now it would be harder to leave.

"I have work to do."

A thick silence settled between them. Time seemed to stop, and Grell uttered a heavy breath.

"Am I gonna die?"

Will froze. His body went rigid at the unexpected, direct question. Grell knew everything, and her tone was almost hurting: resigned, taking for granted that all of her friends were about to die soon and that was the reason behind William's stay. It wasn't too far-fetched, actually. The question hadn't included them just because Grell wasn't stupid —she played like she was sometimes, but she wasn't.

William took a deep breath and then exhaled, "No."

"Then who?" Grell inquired, showing her face shyly. William broke her grip.

"I can't tell."

"Will I ever see you again? I mean, before my time comes..."

"I don't know," William replied sincerely. "But we'll meet again sometime in the future, I can assure you that."

"I'm gonna be like you, won't I?"

William was impressed by Grell's intuition.

"Well," he whispered pensively. He wasn't breaking any rules, for Grell had said it herself. It wasn't like William told her. "Yes."

"But you said that you didn't remember a thing about your human life," she argued. Her eyes were glistening with unshed tears. "And Will, I don't wanna forget you!"

"You will," the death god answered. He wasn't one to sugarcoat the truth, but he did caress Grell's cheek to give her some comfort and etch her pretty face in his memory before he left. "But I won't, and I'll be waiting for you."

"...maybe it can be solved. You know, I've heard legends that death gods are people that killed themselves—"

"Grell, please, don't do anything crazy," William scolded severely. "You have a life to live. Live it to the fullest. You are very talented," he complimented, gesturing to her chest where all of her dresses and creations rested. "So don't waste it. We'll meet again when it's meant to be."

Grell bit her lip.

"You promise?"

William adjusted his glasses and wiped away a tear from Grell's cheek. "I do."

Grell closed her eyes tightly before giving William a kiss goodbye, to which he replied eagerly. He left after that, and Grell watched him go with cloudy eyes due to the tears. And when he vanished, she went back into her tent and worked like she'd never work before.

It might be a long time before they met again, but she would make him proud.

* * *

Ciel woke up. He was alone in the bed. Doll must be having breakfast, Soma and Agni hadn't returned yet and Sebastian... Sebastian wasn't there.

He sighed, feeling empty.

As if summoning them, Soma and Agni burst in the tent immediately. They looked anxious.

"Ciel!" Soma exclaimed, and Agni ran to him as well, placing a hand on his forehead.

They had information, they said, but when they started talking Ciel interrupted them and asked them to take him back to the townhouse where they'd be able to talk freely. Agni carried Ciel in his arms and they left, taking advantage of the fact that it was breakfast time.

As they left, they passed William by. Luckily for them, he wasn't interested in their business and vice versa; so they went their respective ways without any other inconveniences.

Agni and Soma had brought a carriage, which was a relief. They got in and left the circus in silence. However, the silence broke when Ciel coughed and asked:

"So, what did you find out in the Heraldry College of Arms?"

"The owner of the hallmark is called Baron Kelvin, Ciel Sir," Agni reported.

"Hm. Baron Kelvin..."

"Do you know him?" Soma asked Ciel.

"I'm not too fond of charity events so he isn't one of my direct acquaintances," Ciel coughed; "but I did greet him at some parties my predecessor took me to."

"Ciel," Soma whispered sadly at the cold way Ciel referred to his father. Ciel ignored him.

"Anyway, knowing his name is enough. As soon as we get back to the manor I'll get ready and we'll go after him," the boy barely managed to say, interrupted by a fit of coughing. Agni and Soma looked at him worriedly; they were definitely not letting him go in that state.

"No, Ciel. You have to rest until you get better."

"Who do you think you are to tell me what to do?!" Ciel defied the Prince. They argued for a good part of the road, and Soma even got Agni into the argument, ordering him not to let Ciel go.

"Prince," Agni responded. Soma's eyes widened, for he thought he would hear the answer he was so used to:  _'Jo agya.'_  But it wasn't like that, and Agni elaborated: "As long as we're living with Ciel Sir, we mustn't disobey him."

"What?!" Soma inquired in disbelief. "B-but Agni!"

Ciel smirked. "You heard your servant. Now let me enjoy the trip in silence."

"But—!" Soma tried to argue, but he shut up when Ciel glared at him. He helplessly turned to Agni, who looked at him with a serious expression. Soma cringed in his seat.

"Fine," he mumbled reluctantly. Yet, later he realized what Agni had in mind: Ciel was so tired and weak that he calmly fell asleep in the carriage. So when they arrived, Agni and Soma took him to his room and put him carefully in the bed to look after him.

* * *

Doll fell to the ground, her cheek reddening from the recent slap.

"I thought I told you not to believe outsiders so much," Peter scolded angrily.

"B-but... he's still a child," Doll argued, remembering the little moments she shared with Ciel and feeling sorry for him. "He said he didn't have anywhere else to go. Plus we made a promise."

"That's why I'm saying you're still just a kid!" Peter seethed. He raised his hand to hit her again, but someone behind him stopped him.

"Brother Peter."

"Jumbo!"

"This isn't what we should be doing right now," Jumbo interceded. "The ones who trespassed into our tents, Smile and the foreigners... and the one who possessed skills equal to theirs, Suit, have all disappeared. Not to mention that Red Death's been in her tent all day, and she doesn't want to come out... But staying here any longer would be dangerous."

"Then, as soon as Joker comes back," Dagger suggested.

"He's at Father's right now, even if he hurries it'll take three days," Beast said.

"By then it'll be too late. We need to move fast," Wendy pointed out.

"Father said this time's target is special. If we don't do something while we're here... If we fail he will be angry for sure." Jumbo reasoned, patting Doll's head.

"As Jumbo said, this time the boy's house isn't in a town close by. We should do it while he is still in London. If we start now then by the time we go and come back it will be dawn already. I guess it can be helped... We'll carry it out tomorrow." Peter sentenced with determination.

Beast rubbed one of her arms nervously, remembering her little moment with Joker the night before. If they were in danger, she needed to tell him... she needed to be by his side...

"In any case, if we don't report this to Joker... I'll go," she suggested.

"If you're missing we'll lack in battle power might the need come," said Wendy. "Doll, you go."

"Got it," the girl replied halfheartedly. Beast looked at her with concern.

"I'll get you a horse so come on."

Beast prepared the horse for her.

"I'm sorry sister," Doll apologized sincerely as Beast helped her to ride it; "because of me..."

"You're not to blame," Beast told her understandingly. After all, she knew what a girl was capable of doing in order to protect the one she loved...

"Eh?"

"It's nothing. Quickly, to where Joker is."

"Y-yeah," Doll stuttered.

Beast watched her leave. When Doll disappeared, she went back to the others and they left Snake and Red Death in charge of the circus while they were away, carrying out the mission Father had entrusted them.

* * *

_"Tom, he was a piper's son,_

_He learnt to play when he was young,"_

Joker sang softly as he got up and ready;

_"And all the tune that he could play_

_Was 'Over the Hills ad Far Away'_

_Over the hills and a great way off,_

_The wind shall blow my top-knot off."_

As he finished, he looked at the picture resting in his nightstand with nostalgia. It featured Black and him, both of them at Father's sides.

"Over the hills, to the other side... huh," Joker mumbled to himself, remembering the events from the night before.

* * *

Joker opened the door to the manor, followed by Sebastian.

"Father. We have returned home just now," Joker announced. There was no answer, so both men glanced at each other and entered the house. It was dark. They went upstairs and Sebastian knocked the door when they reached Baron Kelvin's room.

"Father, please excuse us," he apologized when he came in. "We're sorry for coming at such a late hour."

The room was in complete shadows. The Baron's silhouette, resting in his settee could barely be distinguished. Two beautiful kids were sitting and having tea with him, a blank look in their faces that both Sebastian and Joker loathed.

"Ohh, ohhh, welcome back, my sons! What good children you are, coming back so soon!" the Baron said excitedly. His voice was anxious. "What about him? He is with you, right?"

"No, that's still—"

"What?!" Father interrupted Joker coldly. "Well, doesn't that make you bad children then..."

Joker felt a pang of guilt.

"We're extremely sorry. In relation to that matter—"

"But he did come, Father," Sebastian deadpanned. Joker and Father looked at him with shock.

"What?" Joker asked incredulously. The tea set fell to the ground, breaking in little pieces. Father gasped, shivering.

"What did you say, Black?"

"I said he did come to the circus," Sebastian repeated; "Ciel Phantomhive."

"What are you sayin'?!" Joker demanded indignantly. How come Black didn't tell him such an important thing?! Was he even telling the truth?! But why would he lie?

Sebastian shot him a cold glance, ignoring his inquiry. He turned to Father with a stern expression.

"D-d-did he really?" the Baron insisted eagerly.

"Yes," Sebastian confirmed. "However, there's a chance that he's seen Father's letter."

Joker gasped, his heart skipping a beat. What... what was happening?! They were in great danger! Yet Father was so delighted with the news that he didn't even pay attention to Black's warning. Instead, he stood up with difficulty, voice thick and heavy with desire.

"We did it!" he exclaimed. A lightning flashed outside, allowing to see his deformed face covered in bandages —except for one eye, coincidentally the one that was Ciel's good eye— for a second. "Ever since that day, I've been dreaming of this. When he comes here, we must give him the best service possible. Joker!" he called. "Please hurry and start preparing a splendid banquet!"

"Hold on a sec!" said performer cried. "If that is really true, Noah's Arc will be in trouble! We must issue orders immediately! On top of that—"

"Joker. Are you talking back to me?" Father defied him. Joker's eyebrows twitched, suddenly intimidated. "I raised you, who had been abandoned since birth. I gave you limbs that moved freely," he conditioned. "You will talk back to that Father?"

Joker blinked with remorse, for he didn't mean to offend Father. Sebastian clicked his tongue and looked down, uncomfortable with the way Father manipulated Joker but unable to do anything about it.

"I didn't mean it like tha—"

"Isn't it true? I raised you to be a good child," the Baron stated. "You do want your siblings still at the workhouse to be raised into splendid adults also, right? The good little Joker will listen to what Father says, right?" he persuaded. "Like your brother Black..."

Joker looked at Sebastian out of the corner of his eye. Sebastian could feel his resentment when the ginger looked back at the Baron and whispered:

"Yes, Father."

Kelvin nodded approvingly.

"I'm glad to have sons so devoted to their parents. Come here," he told both of them. "Let's take a picture together, we haven't taken one in such a long time," he squeezed their hands before they took their places. "To capture my devoted sons and his happy Father. Smile."

The picture was taken by one of the children sitting with Father a few moments ago. They broke apart after the camera flashed, and Father added:

"Now go and do as I told you."

"Yes, Father," Joker and Black answered in unison. Joker glared at Sebastian and turned on his heel. Sebastian pursed his lips, he was going to hear him once they were out. However, before he could even leave the room...

"Black, where do you think you're going?" Father called. Sebastian froze in his tracks and turned to meet him.

"I was gonna help Joker," he explained. The Baron shook his head and patted his lap, sending Sebastian a ton of painful memories.

"He can manage on his own," he said. "Now come here, sit with Papa."

Sebastian did as he was told.

* * *

_The room was dark, and the only thing that could be heard was the soft noise of the mattress as the man sat down and beckoned for him to come. The child swallowed thickly, yet obeyed and walked towards the naked adult lying on the bed._

_He must have seen the doubt, the fear and the nausea in Sebastian's eyes, for he moved away the rebel strands of black hair that tended to get into his face and kissed his forehead, too kindly for Sebastian's taste._

_"Don't be scared... I won't hurt you..."_

_Sebastian blinked, trying to block his thoughts, trying to convince himself that this was nothing; that it was okay and he would forget it eventually..._

_"You remind me so much of them."_

_"Father," Sebastian cried, but he was interrupted by the finger placed on his lips._

_"Shh... Be quiet, Black..."_

_"...be quiet and come here, sit with Papa..."_

* * *

Sebastian sat down on the man's lap, closing his eyes tightly. He gasped, hating the burning sensation inside of him.

He thought it would get easier with time, but it didn't.

Father caressed his face, delighted with Sebastian's expressions. He was so...

"Beautiful," the Baron panted, admiring Sebastian's blushing cheeks. "Oh, Black..."

"Ngh," Sebastian complained, biting the back of his hand to hold his voice back.

"You've grown a lot," the Baron whispered. "You look so much like his predecessor everyday... I wonder if  _he_ 's going to look like you when he grows up."

* * *

 _"You look so much like the Earl of Phantomhive," the Baron panted, touching softly Sebastian's overheated skin. The boy squirmed. "V-Vincent," the name left Baron Kelvin's lips as he reached climax, causing Sebastian's body to react against his will. He frowned with hot tears in his eyes, feeling dirty. It wasn't the first time the Baron told him something like that. He was always mentioning how much he looked like the earl of Phantomhive, and how much he reminded him of_ them _; both father and son. And in the heat of the moment, Sebastian began to hate that name._

Phantomhive _._

_If it weren't for them, if it weren't for that damned and beautiful family, Sebastian wouldn't have to be there like a replacement of them at least until that disgusting man got who he wanted. And in that moment, trembling little Sebastian swore to himself that he would capture the Phantomhives someday, give them to Kelvin and release himself from his claws._

* * *

Father caressed Sebastian's torso, putting especial attention in the mark that was there.

"My son. My most precious possession," he whispered softly. Every time he ran his fingers through that hideous scar, Sebastian swore he could still feel that burning sensation like the first time it was given to him, when he was still a child.

* * *

_A scream tore Sebastian's throat as the pain travelled through his body and consumed his mind. He curled up, trembling, and let out another cry when the fresh burn ached._

_He could hear his own sobs. It was humiliating. And behind him he could hear the Baron crying, like he was suffering for putting Sebastian through this. What a hypocrite. If he hurt so much, why did he let that vile Doctor do this to him?_

_"I'm sorry, son, I'm sorry," the man sobbed. He wanted to touch Black, but he restrained himself. It wouldn't be good for his burnt skin. "But it was necessary. I don't want anyone to take you away from me."_

_It had been a little while since this man, Baron Kelvin, had 'adopted' him and his new 'brothers' —Joker, Beast, Dagger and the other children he met in the streets—, therefore becoming their 'Father'. He gave prosthetic limbs to the ones who needed them, each limb with Father's hallmark on it. "Now you're my possessions," the man had told them; "and my much-loved children."_

_It had been different for Sebastian, though. He didn't have any limbs to be replaced, so Kelvin 'had no choice' but to etch his horrible hallmark on Sebastian's actual skin; thus people would know whom he belonged to now. Sebastian was the closest thing he had to those_ 'special people' _he couldn't touch, and he wouldn't allow himself to lose him at least until he had the real deal._

_The creepy and sadistic Doctor didn't even flinch at Sebastian's pain. He just indulged Kelvin's wicked desire of marking the child and gave advice to take care of the burn._

_Sebastian hated them._

* * *

Sebastian lay on his bed, staring at the ceiling. His body was still reddish from the shower he'd just taken and the countless times he'd rubbed his skin in order to feel less dirty.

It didn't work.

There always were different moods after a visit to Father's. It depended on the day: there were good days and there were bad days; where Sebastian's stomach churned, his eyes stung and his skin itched and felt so dirty that he felt the need to scratch himself until he bled. This was one of the 'good' days, however. Maybe it was because the memory of being with Ciel soothed Sebastian a little and helped him forget about the wickedness of his reality, so he just felt a really big void in his chest that he couldn't fill. But at least that numbness was better than repulsion.

Someone knocked the door. Sebastian sat in the bed and ignored the pang of pain that ran through his body.

"Come in," he indicated.

Joker made presence in the room, slamming the door behind him. He was frowning deeply.

Sebastian raised his eyebrows. It was a rare sight for him.

"Joker."

"Gimme a fuckin' good reason not to kill you right now," Joker said menacingly. Sebastian sighed wearily, running a hand through his hair.

"Oh, please..."

"Why didn't ya tell us?" Joker insisted, arms folded. Sebastian shrugged.

"I had no obligation to. Father is my boss, not you or our brothers and sisters in the circus."

"You coulda still warned us, Black," Joker berated. "We're a family, we're not supposed to hide things away from each other."

"What was the point of it, Joker?" Sebastian retorted. "We couldn't capture him in the circus, at least not with those two servants of his around him all the time."

"If we worked as a team, we coulda had defeated 'em."

"What for? It's not like they're important for our mission. Or is it that you've grown to like to stain your hands, maybe?" Sebastian retaliated with a hint of malice, something he regretted immediately when Joker grimaced in pain. He didn't deserve it. No one at the circus deserved it.

"Shut up!"

Sebastian sighed again. It was time for a little sugarcoating.

"Joker, don't you get it? I did it to protect our family," he lied. "We couldn't capture him there, and even if we did it, there was no point. He's gonna come back anyway, and when he does we'll do what we're supposed to do. Do you understand now?"

Joker eyed him suspiciously. Sebastian held his stare until Joker's features softened and he exhaled audibly.

"No, I don't get yer way of thinkin'," Joker confessed. "However, I'll give you the benefit of doubt, because yer an important part of the family and yer plans always work out in the end. But you make one suspicious move again 'nd Black, yer dead."

"I know," Sebastian replied emotionlessly. "Thanks."

Joker nodded. He cast Sebastian a sympathetic stare, noticing the state he was in and what it meant. After all, Joker had a kind heart.

"Would you like some tea?" he offered compassionately.

A languid smile tugged at Sebastian's lips.

"That would be nice, thank you."

* * *

_It wasn't like Sebastian had any place to go, but sometimes he thought that maybe living in the streets would've been a better idea than coming there._

_He kept telling himself that everything had a price and he'd get used to pay it some time, but Father's fingers touching him were still disgusting every time. The only thing Sebastian liked a little were his mates._

_They were familiarized with suffering, so they were always sympathetic. Especially that guy with ginger hair that called himself Joker. They had a fatal flaw, though. Since they, unlike Sebastian, were used to a life without luxuries, this was like paradise to them, and Father was God. So it didn't matter that he forced them to stain their hands when he lost it, because Father had given them everything and they had to pay him somehow. Even if it slowly killed themselves inside._

_The first time after Father touched Sebastian coincided with Joker's first murder. They both met accidentally in the bathroom of Baron Kelvin's manor._

_"S-sorry," a blood-stained Joker said when he opened the door and saw Sebastian on the floor, next to the toilet. He'd just thrown up. "I shoulda knock'd first."_

_Sebastian noticed Joker's trembling hands and the remorse written in his eyes. He stood up carefully, trying to ignore the pain. His knees wobbled._

_"It's okay," he whispered hoarsely, wiping his lips. "I already finished."_

_Joker bit his lip. Beast's concerned expression was still in his mind. Sebastian exited the bathroom, leaning against anything he could in order not to fall. He grabbed Joker's shoulder, starting him. Joker didn't know whether Black did it to comfort him or just for support._

_"I'm sorry too," Sebastian whispered._

_Joker resisted the urge to cry. Someone who worked in a circus should never be sad. And for Joker, the circus was his life._

_"Don't be," he replied with an apologetic smile and a knot in his throat. "Hey, Black, I know what'll make us feel better. Would you like some tea?"_

_Sebastian's eyes widened. For a second he remembered those days next to his mother's bed, reading and drinking a nice cup of tea..._

_"That would be nice, thank you. C'mon, I'll help you prepare it."_

_Yes, definitely his circus mates were the only good part about this._

* * *

Ciel frowned, shifting in his bed.

"Sebastian?"

He opened his eye. To his surprise, he wasn't at the circus anymore. He was in his room, and it was dark. Next to his bed was Agni, staring at him with wide eyes and in the middle of picking up Soma; since he'd fallen asleep while nursing Ciel. There was a tray of warm food that had been just served right next to Ciel, waiting for him.

"Ciel Sir! You're awake! How are you feeling?"

Ciel blushed, suddenly remembering everything. Of course he wouldn't be in Black's tent!

"I'm fine, thanks," he faked a stoic expression. "Moreover, what time is it?!"

"It's 7:14 PM."

"WHAT?! Why didn't you wake me?!"

"Well, we wanted you to get better, Sir."

"But we're on a mission! How could you do that to me?!"

"If we hadn't, you wouldn't be able to keep on with the mission, Sir," Agni reasoned. Ciel snorted. He knew Agni was right, so he ate his dinner and as soon as he finished, he left the bed in a hurry.

"We have to get ready! There's no more time to lose. We have to leave now so we get there by tomorrow's evening at least, so leave that Prince of yours and help me dress now," Ciel ordered. Agni bowed and obeyed him. Despite he wanted Ciel to rest a little bit more, he knew it wasn't possible.

"By the way, Ciel Sir. At about 4, I got a telephone call from Sir Tanaka. It seems Lady Elizabeth is at the main house."

Ciel's eyebrows rose. "What?! Why didn't you say that sooner?!"

"I wanted master Ciel to eat his dinner with ease. And if you don't chew well, the nutrition rate will go down too—"

"What else did Tanaka say?" Ciel interrupted him rather impolitely. Agni didn't take it personally, for he knew how Ciel was.

"It seems Lady Elizaeth has no intention of going home before seeing you."

Ciel hissed in annoyance as Agni finished with his clothes. "Jeez. You did research Baron Kelvin's house, right?"

"Yes," Agni answered. "It's a place that's about a one day drive by coach or railroad from London."

Ciel gave a curt nod.

"Alright. The sooner we leave, the sooner we'll get there. Prepare the coach then."

The servant bowed and left the room. He came back after a little while, put a still-asleep Soma in his back and opened the door for Ciel to get in. Finally, everything was going to end.

* * *

"There, there," the girl patted her horse as it drank from a pond she found in her way. "It's just a little bit further, so please do your best. I'll rest a bit too."

Doll sat down in a trunk and got out a Funtom caramel from her bag. She looked at it in deep thought.

"I really don't think Smile is with the Yard. He's really sickly weak and doesn't seem to lie. But we..." she muttered to herself. The memory of her siblings at the circus struck her all of a sudden, and she looked at her horse with concern. "That's right!" she exclaimed as she stretched. "In any case, I must go to where brother Joker is right away!"

She rid her horse again and left at full speed.

* * *

The trip was long and boring. Soma thrown a little tantrum when he woke up, scolding Agni for indulging Ciel's wishes. He knew his servant had done the right thing, but he was still worried about his friend.

Aside from that, nothing very interesting happened. Until finally, they reached the Baron's house a little while after sunset.

"This is it," Ciel said when they got out the carriage, observing the manor. His stomach was a huge knot, for he knew there wouldn't be anything good in there; and the worst part of everything was that he knew that Sebastian had to do with it, whatever it was.

Not a minute had passed when the door opened and a familiar face met Ciel. His eye widened; although he'd been suspecting it, it was different now that he confirmed it. Sebastian's expression at seeing him, however, showed no emotion at all.

"Welcome, Earl Phantomhive," he bowed respectfully; "we've been waiting for you. Please come inside."

Ciel huffed, regaining his composure. "Sebastian," he hissed, narrowing his eyes. Behind him, Soma repeated the name questioningly, but Ciel ignored him. He gave a few steps forward and the Indian duo followed after him, yet Sebastian stopped them before they could enter.

"I'm sorry. The Earl only."

"Pff... Are you kidding me?!" Soma burst out. "There's no way we're letting Ciel go alone in there! Right, Agni?!"

"Yes. We're here to protect Ciel Sir."

Sebastian shook his head slowly. "I understand, but I was clearly told that..."

"It's fine," Ciel interrupted, glancing at Sebastian and then at the Indian duo. "I'll be fine if Sebastian is with me. Right Sebastian?"

Sebastian nodded without hesitation.

"Don't worry. I'll take good care of him. I can assure you that."

"You heard him," Ciel replied. "Wait in the carriage while I do this."

"But Ciel—!"

Soma was interrupted when the door was slammed right in his face.

"Dammit!" the Prince hissed. "You'd better keep your word!" he ranted, punching the door desperately until he felt Agni's hand on his shoulder and he turned around to meet his eyes.

Agni shook his head slowly and Soma let out a defeated sigh. They could only wait now.

* * *

Sebastian guided Ciel into the dark manor. He snapped his fingers and a strange melody started playing as one creepy doll lit up a candle. The fire traveled and activated a chain reaction so Ciel could see the room in its entire splendor. A gasp of surprise left his lips.

It was huge, but that wasn't what caught his attention. Strange dolls —and doll parts— hung from the ceiling, were attached to the walls, were lying in the floor. They were everywhere.

Before Ciel could even voice a coherent reaction, Sebastian was already at the stairs.

"This way," he said. Ciel followed him, suddenly aware of the revolver he was carrying. He didn't want to use it, but he might have no choice...

Either way, it was better to wait. There was still no sign of the missing kids, and Ciel didn't know a thing about their motives or the story behind everything. So he should be patient.

"You knew it from the beginning, didn't you?" Ciel asked. "That I was a nobleman..."

"The Queen's Watchdog, yes. I knew," Sebastian replied.

"Then why did you..." Ciel winced, realizing he didn't know how to finish that question. There were so many things he wanted to ask, but he couldn't...

_Why did you act like you don't know?_

_Why didn't you kill me?_

_Why did you fell in love with me?_

_Why did you make me... fall for you?_

"I don't know," Sebastian answered sincerely. He came to a halt before one of the many doors in the hallway, and turned to look at Ciel. For a second, his emotionless mask faded, and Ciel could read the confusion and the pain in his scarlet eyes. "I guess because I didn't feel so lonely when I was with you."

"Sebastian," Ciel whispered, astounded. The man was about to open the door for him, but Ciel stopped him. "Sebastian, I'm gonna tell you this once, and once only. You have to leave this place."

Sebastian blinked. He gave Ciel a sad smile, touched by his worry.

"No."

"Just hear me out, will you?!" Ciel burst. "Why are you even here in the first place?! You have so much potential to do anything you want!"

"I have nowhere else to go, Ciel."

Ciel didn't even pay attention to the fact that Sebastian had called him by his name.

"You can go to the manor with me. You can be my butler, I don't know!" Ciel exclaimed desperately. "I can ask Her Majesty the Queen to give you back the title and the land that corresponded to your father. You could study medicine—"

"It's not about that," Sebastian replied bitterly. "No matter what I do or where I am, I'll never be happy. I thought you understood that."

Ciel looked down. Sadly, he did. It was just hard to hear it from Sebastian like that.

"I do..."

"Anyway. We have prepared dinner for you," Sebastian interrupted. "This way," he said as he entered the room. Ciel swallowed thickly. This was a mission, he reminded himself. He'd offered Sebastian salvation, and if he didn't want to take it, that was his problem, right?

Then why did it hurt so much?

The room was impressive. There was a very large table with the finest silverware and china. A candelabrum was placed in the middle of the table; and in front of it there was a huge curtain and a platform. Sebastian pulled out a chair for Ciel and stood by his side. A moment later the door to the hall opened and the Baron made his appearance, sitting in a wheelchair and accompanied by Joker and two children with dead eyes.

"You came to see me, Earl Phantomhive. Ahh, it's like a dream to have you so close to me!" the man chirped with a big smile on his face. "Though, I feel so ashamed to meet you while looking this way..."

"You are Baron Kelvin?" Ciel inquired. He did look repulsive with that manic expression and all those bandages in his face.

"That's right, but it makes me feel awkward to be all formal with you. For you, I have prepared a feast," he announced, gesturing to Joker and the servant children. "The wine is from 1875. It's a wine from the year you were born."

Joker served the wine and silently put it next to Ciel's plate. The earl only looked at him cautiously.

"It's not poisoned," Sebastian informed as he noticed Ciel had no intention of eating or drinking anything. He drew the cup to his lips and took a little sip to show him.

"I have no intention of touching food served by a rat, so there was no need to show me it isn't," Ciel retorted. He looked at the children pensively, realizing that there were more victims that weren't included in the police reports. Just as he was thinking of a way of saving them somehow, he was interrupted by the Baron's voice...

"Just merely having a meal, Earl, you also feel bored right? Joker, prepare  _'that'_  for me."

Ciel didn't miss the look of distress that Joker and Sebastian exchanged. He furrowed his eyebrows.

"Eh... b-but..."

"Just do it," the Baron ordered sternly. At his side Ciel could hear Sebastian sigh. Joker obeyed, albeit forlornly.

The curtain opened. There were children in masks and circus clothes standing in a line. Sebastian fisted his hands and Ciel's frown deepened.

Joker shook a cane in his hand and hit the floor with it. He pointed at the children with it whilst taking his other hand to his chest.

"Welcome, Earl Phantomhive. Tonight, I will accompany you to a world of pleasure that will leave you dazzled."

The Baron clapped his hands loudly.

"First we have a tightrope walker. With no lifeline or anything, this is the real deal," Joker announced. A little girl appeared and began walking the rope, but fell at the first step. She hit the ground and her blood splattered on the floor.

Ciel gasped loudly, too shocked to even say something that made sense. Sebastian bit his lip and looked at the ground. Joker cringed in pain. The Baron laughed madly and applauded, completely delighted.

Joker restrained himself. He tried to ignore the sound of another child dragging the recent corpse.

"Next is a wild-animal tamer," he exclaimed. "A fierce lion will—"

...but he didn't even finish the presentation, for the lion devoured the boy before he could.

The Baron went mad, bursting into loud laughter. Joker tried to hide his feelings behind a smile, but it came out as wicked and unnatural.

"Next is a knife-thrower!" he chanted disturbingly. "The fate of the crucifix girl is?!"

"STOP IT!" Ciel roared just as soon as the knife sank into the masked girl's face and her blood sprayed around her. Ciel stood up from his chair, looking down and trying to control himself. Joker, Sebastian and the Baron looked at him with widened eyes.

"Kidnapped children are put into the show without any training. I see, this is just another way of enjoying a circus," Ciel mumbled to himself.

The Baron tossed his head at the sides anxiously.

"Sorry, so you don't like this method?! Joker, clean up right away!"

"I shall put up a stop to this," Ciel said clearly, walking towards the Baron. "I have no desire to sit at a table with a beast that is more despicable than an animal."

"Eh, what's wrong?"

"...this is enough for a report to the Queen. Vulgar," Ciel sentenced; "ugly," he went on; "perverted;" he added. "The lowest form of human life," Ciel's eye was full of hatred as he finished: "is what I, the Queen's watchdog, has gotten rid of!"

Ciel took out his gun and pointed it at the Baron. Joker put a sword against Ciel's neck and instinctively, Sebastian...

"What the... Black, what the hell are you doin'?!"

Sebastian took a knife and put it on Joker's neck.

The ginger stared at him, eyes widened. Sebastian surprised expression mirrored Joker's, for he himself didn't know what he was doing until then. His body just reacted when he warned that Ciel was in danger.

Joker's eyes narrowed, hurt by betrayal. "I shoulda known you were up to somethin'," he hissed with spite.

"Joker! Stop pointing that dangerous thing at the Earl!" Baron Kelvin cried, facing Ciel's determined expression.

"But—" Joker argued, looking at Sebastian with fire in his eyes.

"You won't listen to me?!" the Baron insisted. Joker complained but did it reluctantly, for he couldn't refuse against the man who'd given him everything.

And yet, Sebastian didn't put the knife down.

"Baron Kelvin," said Ciel, not lowering his gun. "Where are all the kidnapped children?"

"What?! You want to meet those children?!" the Baron cackled. "They are in the basement. I can take you there right away. Besides, there was something I wanted to show you in the basement."

Ciel cocked an eyebrow but didn't say anything. Instead, he just let the man guide him. Strangely, Sebastian didn't let go of Joker; but it was not the time to think about that.

"To walk beside you is like a dream come true!" the Baron said happily, despite Ciel's gun was still pointing to his head.

"Don't waste your breath. Just lead me to where the children are quickly," Ciel replied severely.

"U-um... I'm sorry. But I'm glad," Kelvin smiled. "Since that day, I've always regretted it. Why couldn't I be at your side that day in that place..."

"That day? My side?" Ciel inquired. "What are you actually talking about?"

"...no matter how much I regretted it, time wouldn't turn back. But I realized: if I can't turn it back, then I should just do it once again," Kelvin explained. Sebastian clenched his jaw, he knew what was behind that door that the two children were opening at the moment. He wanted to warn Ciel so at least he would be prepared for what he would see, but he couldn't.

"Look!"

It was an amphitheater. In the center of if there was a sacrificial table, like the one that those people used when they marked and tortured Ciel and even worse, when they abused him. There was a circle with a pentagram in it, painted on the floor. In front of the stands there were three cages with children in it.

It looked exactly like that place.

Ciel gasped. His eye opened immeasurably wide and his cane trembled in his hand as memories of pain and torture flashed right before his eye.

There was no one to protect Ciel from the demons of his past. Not even Sebastian.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there! Here's an update! I must warn you that this chapter contains violence, gore, spoilers (duh XD) and suicidal thoughts. Anyway, we get to know more about Sebastian and his conflictive personality :3 he's really hard to write, but I liked how it came out. Ahh, btw, have you read the latest extra manga chapter that came out?! It's soooooo cute! I love seeing the characters from the circus interacting like a family and having their little happy times, because they weren't bad people. They just felt an obligation towards Baron Kelvin. (Plus, Yana's style has improved so much and it's awesome to see them now!)
> 
> Anyway, I'll stop ranting. Gah, I can't believe there's only one chapter and one episode left! I don't want it to end!

_Once upon a time there was a happy marriage. They were young, rich and in love, so why wouldn't they be happy?_

_She soon became pregnant. For her husband, Viscount Sebastian Michaelis, the kid meant the icing of the cake to their perfect lives. He was named after his father, but looked a lot like his mother: black, silky hair; porcelain skin and fierce red eyes. However, their joy was soon destroyed when Lady Michaelis fell gravely sick after her baby's birth._

_She always had a poor health, so it was no wonder. And even though she eventually recovered, her condition was never the same. She spent most of the time in her bed and every effort left her exhausted._

_On the other side, the baby was growing beautifully. He was very intelligent and he developed an avid passion for reading, and cats. Most of the days, unlike the other children that liked to go outside and play, he'd spent them next to his mother, either hearing her read or reading to her; his cat on his lap. Lord Michaelis was never home, and when he arrived from work at night —he had a Company to take care of, after all— he always met with the picture of his wife and son asleep and surrounded by books._

_He began to feel jealous of his own son. Not only his birth was the cause of the Lady's weak condition; but he was stealing her right in front of her. Lord Michaelis no longer felt a part of the family, even though he'd given them everything. And eventually, that jealousy turned into rancor._

_The Lady died the winter of 1872, when Sebastian was eight. But even her death didn't bring the Michaelis back together. Instead, father and son drifted further and further away from each other, until they were irreconcilable. Sebastian wasn't even sorry when his dad killed himself, and he knew that wherever he was now, his dad wasn't sorry either for indirectly causing Sebastian's ruin when he ran away and met with a world of perversion out of his manor's doors._

* * *

The atmosphere within the carriage was very tense. Soma let his head fall on Agni's shoulder and sighed.

"I guess we weren't so mistaken after all about Ciel and that man," he whispered. Agni bit his lip nervously. He didn't like that topic.

"Prince."

"He loves him, Agni," Soma ranted, looking at his lover with a grave expression. "Did you see the way Ciel looked at him? The way he trusts him? It's almost like..."

 _Us_ , he wanted to say, but he couldn't. It was too painful. Seeing Ciel in love with an enemy was too painful. Soma really cared about Ciel and wanted to see him happy, so being in love was good for him in a way. Love was the best feeling in the world. But for Ciel it would mean more pain that it would mean happiness, because he'd fallen for the wrong person. And even worse: it was pretty obvious that Sebastian corresponded to Ciel's feelings. And that worried him.

"I never thought I'd see Ciel in love with anyone," Soma let out. Agni's eyebrows were knitted, for he was very concerned as well. His thoughts and worries were very similar to Soma's.

"I'm a little bit sorry for Lady Elizabeth, though," Agni said, thinking about the poor girl and how she'd never be the object of Ciel's affections the way she wanted to. Soma snorted unhappily.

"I'm sorry for them," the Prince replied. "They'll never get to be together. And even if they did, it would have to be..."

"Clandestine. I know," Agni sentenced. The word hurt him like a ton of needles in his heart. Oh, how he knew about the pain of having to hide your feelings for someone in front of society. At least he could be with his Prince most of the time, but sometimes it hurt so badly wanting to hold his hand in public and being unable to. They had a few friends, like Ciel, who knew about their relationship and didn't mind about it; unfortunately most of the people weren't like that. With a sigh, he added:

"We have to keep their secret."

"Of course," Soma replied, almost offended. A bittersweet smirk tugged at his lips. "It's not like Ciel it's ever gonna admit it, anyway. He's too proud."

Agni didn't answer and they fell into a silence that was strangely awkward for both of them.

"I'm happy I have you, Agni," Soma said after a while. The situation with Ciel had left him thinking how lucky he was. "I'm grateful because you're by my side all day, everyday..."

"Prince," Agni babbled. He smiled with shiny eyes, deeply touched by Soma's words, but he resisted the urge to let out a few tears. He took Soma's hands between his own and kissed them gently. "I'm really grateful, too. Thank God."

And to Agni, Soma was God.

* * *

"Look!" the Baron exclaimed. "It took me three years to prepare it. So, let's redo it, Earl Phantomhive. Just like that day three years ago!"

* * *

_Everything started that day, five years ago._

_"Oh! Thanks for coming, Mr. Baron and Mrs. Baron Kelvin."_

_"Earl Barton! What a magnificent and wonderful evening party this is. I look forward to talking with you about philanthropy activities."_

_"So do I, haha. Oh, that's right. I have someone I would like to introduce you to. Where did he go? It's weird, he was here just a second ago," the man said, looking around the hall. "Ah, there he is. Earl Phantomhive!"_

_Said man turned around. He was very handsome and well-dressed. There was a little child hiding behind him. He was adorable._

_"Let me introduce you. This is Baron Kelvin."_

_"It's a pleasure to meet you," the Baron said, dazzled, as he shook the Earl's hand._

_"Here, you should introduce yourself first," the Earl said, patting his child's head._

_"Yes," he said obediently. He smiled his prettiest smile, big blue eyes shining beautifully. "It's very nice to meet you, Baron Kelvin. I'm Ciel."_

_Something broke in the Baron's mind the moment he saw that gorgeous child. He felt himself blush a little, but how couldn't he? If his dad, the earl was so handsome and attractive, it was no wonder he had such a beautiful descendent. Plus, Ciel was young and tiny, which made him even cuter._

_Ciel hid behind his dad's back again, suddenly self-conscious. His dad smiled apologetically._

_"I'm sorry, my child is a bit shy around strangers. His health is poor so he doesn't venture outside much."_

_"Ah... Uncle Klaus!" Ciel exclaimed, approaching his relative. "Guten tag!"_

_"Oh, Ciel!" Klaus greeted, holding the boy in his arms. "Long time no see, you sure have grown a lot!"_

_"Klaus, you're back!" Ciel's dad said, leaving the Baron behind and hugging the German man._

_"Vincent!" Klaus replied, hugging him with the same pleasure. "Both of you are here today. What a rare occasion!"_

_"Ciel asked to come along, even though he hasn't really recovered from his sickness yet. So how's life? You were gone for quite a long time..."_

_They immersed themselves in their conversation, and the Baron immersed in watching them from afar. He just couldn't stop watching them._

_"In the dark night they were like a silently rising moon floating in the sky," he told Black several months after, before the first time he made him his. "I understood at that moment that these people were_ special people _. Just like you used to be, Black."_

_After that encounter with the Phantomhives, the Baron became obsessed with them. He researched them, and eventually knew the truth behind the so-called 'Evil Noblemen.'_

_"Underneath beautiful flowers there are thorns. I couldn't help falling in love with what was under the rose," he'd whisper in Sebastian's ear every time they were in his bedroom, picturing the Phantomhives instead of him. Sebastian made it easy, anyway, for he was so beautiful too..._

_And then the Baron would ask:_

_"Do you get it, Black?"_

_And Sebastian, with time, had grown to understand, because he had thorns too. Because maybe that was the curse of everyone that was so beautiful, to be surrounded by the darkness and the wickedness of the world. So he would answer automatically:_

_"Yes, Father, I do."_

_He was in love with his own thorns. The feeling of loneliness that accompanied him since he was born, since his father took him to society parties and he was the weird boy standing in the corner all by himself because he didn't want to socialize. He'd rather stay home next to his mother's bed, with his cat and reading a book. He was in love with the feeling of bittersweet sadness that overcame him when his mom and then his dad died; but at least his mom wouldn't suffer anymore and his dad wouldn't hate on him any longer. He was in love with girls being in love with him despite his oddness, because he was the most attractive young man anyway; and he was in love with rejecting them too. He was in love with being different but better than anyone, with impressing people at the circus and with being the one that those homeless cripples depended on, because he was complete and he was strong. So, yes. He knew what Father meant, in his own way._

_"I get it now. Special people can only be touched by other special people, and you're the closest thing I have to_ them _. The Phantomhives."_

_"I'm too ugly to even think about touching them!" Father broke after that, pushing everyone away. Even Sebastian. The Baron cried shamefully, staring out the window, and thought about Ciel and how he would also be wrapped up in beautiful thorns and become an evil flower himself. He would become the cold moon... completely out of reach._

_"I want to touch him!" had been the Baron's last words before going through all those surgeries voluntarily. And there was that Doctor again, the same one that marked Sebastian. He operated on the Baron with the promise that he'd have the desired appearance: white porcelain skin like a bisque doll, beautiful hair, big eyes like diamonds and a youthful body..._

_His wife left him, but he didn't care. Even his children changed: they had brand-new, beautiful limbs, colorful clothes and accessories, and moved from the workhouse to found a circus. For once, everything seemed right for the Baron, until that day when Joker and Black paid him a visit. Father was sitting in his bed, covered with bandages and barely able to move. His two favorite children glanced at each other and then back at him._

_"We've somethin' to report," Joker said. "Last night, someone attacked the earl of Phantomhive and his family. The Earl along his wife and son were killed."_

_If the Baron could scream, he'd left them deaf. But he couldn't, and the days passed. The nights were moonless, as if God himself was mocking the Baron's useless efforts. Joker took care of him. Sebastian went back to the circus and took charge of it, relieved because for once and due to the Baron's recovery, he wasn't used for his desires. And then one day..._

_"What did you say?!"_

_"Shh, your voice is so loud, Baron!"_

_"Is it true?!"_

_"Yep, it's definitely the real Phantomhive boy. Our buyer found him just recently."_

_The Baron shivered as the man went on. "I can't believe that the son of the Phantomhive family will be used as a sacrificial lamb. Everyone is ready," he said with a giggle. "...Baron?"_

_"I WILL COME ALSO!" the Baron cried desperately, upsetting Joker._

_"No, you can't!" he said. "You just had an operation, you need to rest for at least a month."_

_But the Baron didn't listen. "Please, I beg you!" he told the man, grabbing his clothes. "Let me go also!"_

_"Heh, no need to get so excited. I guess this time you just had no luck," the man said, standing up and undoing the Baron's grip as he left. "Don't worry, we will give him extra affection to make up for your absence."_

_"Wait!"_

_"You'll excuse me."_

_"Wait a minute!" the Baron tried to reach out for the man, falling from his bed in the process._

_"Father!"_

_"Please, me too! I will go!"_

_"Father, it's impossible with your body like this!"_

_"LET ME GO!"_

* * *

"...Even now I can't forget the pain I felt back then. Only I who gave up everything to meet you couldn't meet you," the Baron said, stretching his hand and his face contorted in an expression of suffering. Ciel stood behind him, eerily silent and with his bangs covering his eyes. The Baron turned to see him. "I wondered why fate must constantly separate us. After that day, everyone was gone. All of them. It was you, right Earl?" Kelvin asked. "You were the one that killed them all."

Joker frowned in despair. Didn't Father know who was he dealing with? And the worst part of everything was that he couldn't do anything about it. He could hear Black's breathing in his ear, calm and calculated. One move and he would be dead. But if he didn't move, Father...

"Ah, I'm so jealous!" Father claimed excitedly. "Such a beautiful end, dealt by the one and only cold moon himself. Please, I beg you!" he encouraged. "Let me be a part of it!"

Joker gasped, leaning forward. No, what... what was Father doing?! Why was he risking his life like that?!

"...Everything is exactly the same as that day. Look, I have prepared everything! The room of the ceremony, the sacrificial lambs. And the last piece, Earl... is you! Actually, I intended to come and invite you myse—"

Ciel shot his gun.

The bullet went right through the Baron's abdomen, spraying blood around. Sebastian's eyes widened at the scene in front of him: Ciel was trembling, but it was due to rage. He was clenching his jaw and wheezing, his eye immeasurably open and blank, blinded with ire.

"FATHER!" Joker cried. The whole world stopped making sense to him when he saw the person he cared the most about being injured in front of his eyes. He undid Black's grip, his prosthetic hand detaching from his body in the process; took a dagger out and ran towards the little earl. However, he was intercepted by his former 'brother' when Black's knife collided against his dagger with a metallic sound. How was he so strong? Joker never understood.

"Joker. Please stop," he even had the boldness to whisper. There was sadness in his eyes, but Joker couldn't see it because everything was red, red, red with rage and blood and betrayal.

"You... FUCKIN' TRAITOR!" he yelled at the top of his lungs. His arm was trembling and he didn't have his other hand to counteract Black's strength, and he knew that the man was being gentle. But he wasn't going to give up. He moved his hand quickly with the intention of stabbing him; and Black, in pure self-defense sliced Joker's good arm.

"Sebastian!"

Joker fell to the floor, shrieking and cringing in pain. Sebastian stared at him wide-eyed, as if he didn't quite register what he'd done. He felt a sudden pang of pain and fell on his knees, drawing his hand to his side instinctively.

"Ugh...!"

Joker's blade was deep into his body.

"Sebastian," Ciel repeated. There was a look of great concern in his face. Sebastian stood up shakily, panting. It hurt really badly, but he knew he wasn't supposed to take the dagger out or he would bleed out.

"Ahh! It hurts Earl! It's so painful!" the Baron complained, calling Ciel's attention and squirming in the floor. "Please," he begged, crawling towards Ciel and embracing his tiny legs; "I beg you, if you're going to kill me, do it just like you did to everyone else on that day. Please!"

"The same as them?" Ciel mumbled. He stepped on the Baron, slamming his shameful face against the floor and aiming his gun at him.

"Kneel down like a worm them," he said proudly; "and beg the demon to do it."

"PLEASE DON'T KILL HIM!" Joker screamed at the top of his lungs, wriggling and trying to approach them, but he couldn't. "Despite what he is, he saved us!"

"Joker," said Sebastian in a breathy voice. "He didn't save you. He was just using y'all."

"Shut up! What'd you know, either way?! Yer always alone. Yer selfish 'nd don't care 'bout anyone but you. 'nd yet, Father still loves you the most!"

Sebastian cocked his eyebrows, feeling a pang of guilt. He'd never seen Joker so angry. "Jo—"

"'Tis tiring, always being the good son," Joker's voice was full of raw emotions; "but I have to pay Father back for what he did to us. We were abandoned by our parents and our country, 'nd he saved us from the fear of starvation. Many brothers and sisters of ours are still at the workhouse. If he dies, we can't live on. And that's why..."

"...You kidnapped those children?" Ciel finished for him. "You have obeyed this man in order to survive by sacrificing others?"

Joker looked up at him with tears welling up in his amethyst eyes. He sighed with remorse and admitted:

"Ah... yeah."

"For kids like us, England was a living hell. We didn't have money to buy food or power to protect our friends. We had nothing," Joker elaborated. "However, Father saved us from that pile of rubbish. He gave us hands and legs allowing us to protect what's most precious to us. That's why we decided to live, even though it meant living in another kind of hell. I knew from the beginning that it was wrong, but—"

"You are not wrong," Ciel said.

"Huh?"

"You fought to protect your world. Isn't that good enough?" he asked rhetorically. The words rang in Sebastian's ears; everyone was fighting to protect their world, and what was he doing?

Did he even have a world he could call his own to protect?

"...After all, justice in this world is just a bunch of principles made by those with power to suit themselves. No one really thinks of others, you will lose everything if you can't keep up. Only two kinds of people exist in this world: those who steal and those who are stolen from. So then... today I just stole your future," Ciel sentenced sternly. "That's all."

Sebastian raised an eyebrow skeptically, pressing harder around the blade inside of him. Joker burst into a fit of mad laughter, cackling on the floor creepily despite his injuries.

Did Ciel really think they were defenseless?

The fact that Sebastian wasn't working along his circus mates didn't mean that they didn't have any backup plans.

"Exactly!" Joker exclaimed with false happiness. "However... you will also have some important things stolen from you tonight," he warned. "My fellow circus members are paying a visit to you manor tonight."

 _Huh?!_  Ciel thought. The first thing that came to his mind were blonde curls that swayed with the wind.

_Elizabeth!_

"Haha. D'you know why we have never been caught while kidnapping all those children?" Joker teased. Sebastian bit his lip. "It's because every witness has been killed! We circus members are professionals," he gloated over Ciel's concerned expression; "We eliminate anyone who crosses our path while on a mission, no matter who or what. I wonder how many people will be killed while they search the manor for you, Earl?!"

"Killed, huh?"

"Yeah, even your servants won't be spared," Joker said. Sebastian knew he was right, but Ciel stayed impassible.

"My servants?"

Ciel hit the base of his cane against the floor. He looked at Joker from above and exclaimed arrogantly:

"Just who do you think you are dealing with?! They are servants of Phantomhive!"

* * *

Ciel was right about his servants. Joker's friends, his  _brothers_  and  _sisters_  weren't capable of surviving to the Phantomhive manor. They were just too powerful for everyone, even them. Those bizarre servants: the far-sighted sniper maid, the stupidly strong gardener boy, and the strategist American cook finished in a few minutes what Scotland Yard couldn't finish for months. Jumbo died in the hands of Finny, the gardener; Peter and Wendy were shot by Meyrin —while Tanaka calmed down an upset Elizabeth and sent her back to bed—; Dagger died trying to protect Beast from Bard's weapons and finally, Beast died in an explosion caused by Bard, too, as the other servants watched.

And in her last moments she could see her siblings, and the man whose scarf was wrapped around her neck tenderly, smiling at her with kindness.

The Joker.

* * *

"They are the private army me and Tanaka picked for employment to protect the Phantomhive family's secrets and pride. Those are the Phantomhive family servants."

"A private army?" Sebastian inquired behind Ciel. He looked so confident.

"The Phantomhive house is a phantom that exists solely for the purpose of eradicating the Queen's distresses. If you step into that den, you can never return into the light," Ciel explained.

"Those guys are pros," Joker retorted, reading Sebastian's mind. "Don't think you can easily—"

"You're free to believe it or not," Ciel answered. The cold look in his eye made Joker cringe and wonder what would be of his family. He pictured them, all gathered and smiling like the happy family they were, and for a minute he actually feared for their lives.

 _Please, please live_ , he thought painfully.  _Even if it's just you guys...!_

"I wonder what we should've done," he lamented. "Like the nursery rhyme... we were 'capable of playing only one song.'"

Sebastian averted his eyes, feeling a little guilty. He wasn't. He was capable of playing any song he wanted to play, and he knew it. The question was... which was it?

"But if... if we had been born in another country, ourselves... our bodies... wouldn't have been like this," Joker went on, lost in the memory of a rainy day and a kind, well-dressed stranger stretching his hand at a bunch of cripples. He closed his eyes tightly and sobbed in pain, regret and sorrow.

"Don't cry so shamefully. Crying won't change a thing," Ciel berated. "The world is not kind to anyone."

"Smile," Joker whispered in awe. Even Sebastian, who knew what he was talking about, was taken aback by his lack of sympathy.

"My name is Ciel Phantomhive, and that alone," Ciel corrected harshly, before the sound of the big doors opening caught everyone's attention.

"Sorry to make you wait for the supplement... Huh?"

Sebastian clenched his teeth. For a moment, he forgot about the pain of the dagger and the only thing that consumed him was rancor. Ciel frowned, noticing the change in the atmosphere as Doctor made his appearance.

"You're Smile. Ah, I see," Doctor said, connecting the dots and standing up from his wheelchair. "So what Black said was true."

"Doctor, your legs... you're walking," Joker said, shocked. Doctor laughed airily and Sebastian's frown deepened. What was he doing there?

"My legs? Ah, there's actually nothing wrong with me. Kids like you wouldn't get all jumpy if I just sat down. Ah... Baron Kelvin?!" Doctor finally noticed the bloodstained man lying on the floor. He approached him urgently to check how he was doing.

"This is bad," he exhaled worriedly, touching his blood. "How awful. And I finally had met a patron who could understand my ideals."

Ciel raised an eyebrow.

"Ideals?"

"Yes. For a very long time I was searching for the perfect artificial limb and wanted to continue its development. After all of my research, I was able to make the finest materials possible! It was lighter and sturdier than wood, and more beautiful than the mineral characteristics of ceramics," he described. "I had made something that no one had ever made before. However, gathering the materials was a difficult task."

"No way," Ciel breathed, traumatized. His worst fears were confirmed when Doctor lay against one of the cages and gestured to the children in it with his hand.

Sebastian felt the need to throw up.

 _I told you_ , he thought;  _that he wasn't the kind of person to be trusted._

"This way we don't have to put any effort into throwing them away somewhere," Doctor said perkily. "Don't you think it's the best recycling ever?"

Joker's eyes were so wide they almost fell out of the sockets.

"No way," he whispered in despair. "No way!"

His impression was so much that he emptied the contents of his stomach. Sebastian coughed blood, feeling light-headed. He was the only one —aside Father and Doctor— who knew about the whole truth, but it was hard to hear it anyway.

"Wha... what did you see us as?!" Joker demanded in fear and repulsion, squirming in the floor like a worm. Doctor shook his head and opened the cage.

"See, I only get rejected like that. As long as they don't know the truth, everyone is always praising me about how wonderful they are." He dragged a little girl out. "But the Baron was different. Searching for beauty was his highest motivation. He sponsored me with an abundance of materials and money, the best thinkable patron. Don't you think it's normal to need the best materials in order to get the best products? As far as society's idiots are concerned, there's no such thing as success without sacrifice."

The girl was placed on the table. She didn't even have the will to fight anymore. Ciel panicked, breathing ragged. He could see himself being placed in that table, overcome with fear, begging for someone who could save him. For a moment he was a shadow of that proud earl from minutes before, and he was nothing but a scared little child with no parents or someone to comfort him. He was so lost in despair that he even forgot about Sebastian, who had never been so conscious about the revolver hidden in his black jacket. The revolver that he almost used to kill Ciel and his friends. The revolver that he was especially careful with when he undressed before Ciel. It beat against his heart, and Sebastian drew his hand to his side and took out Joker's dagger without thinking. He didn't even have time to register the pain, for he was acting automatically. He took the gun out and shoot Doctor right in the heart. The man fell on the table, immediately dead. Sebastian turned to the dying Baron and shoot him one, two, three times; fury and hatred clouding his vision until...

"AHHHHHHHHHH!" Ciel screamed in agony, driving Sebastian back to his senses. He threw up in front of him, his pupils dilated and his gaze unfocused, lost in his nightmare. He stretched his dirty hand, searching for a light...

"Ciel!" Sebastian exclaimed, running towards him and taking Ciel's hand in his, spinning him around skillfully so that they were face to face. Ciel looked tired and sad, vulnerable. He let himself fall against Sebastian's body. Sebastian's hand was nice against his back.

"You're outside the cage right now," Sebastian whispered huskily in his ear. Ciel closed his eyes for a minute and focused in Sebastian's warmth only, not even paying attention to the blood in his clothes.

"S-Se... S-Sebastian," Ciel murmured. He opened his eyes wide. There was a manic gleam on them.

"We have to get out of here," he said. He shook Sebastian. "We have to get out of here!"

"How?" Sebastian answered, bewildered and slightly scared. Ciel clenched his teeth and shook him harder.

"I don't know!" he roared. "We have to burn this place down!"

Sebastian frowned with concern.

"Ciel, what are you—"

"Burn it!" Ciel cut him off. "Burn it! Leave no trace of it behind so it won't haunt you anymore! You're free now!"

Sebastian's eyes widened with realization.

"I'm... free," he mumbled incredulously, tasting the word in his mouth. He didn't know what to think of how it felt.

"Yes, you are!" Ciel insisted. "Now burn everything that ties you down to this place!"

"You're right," Sebastian said, still in awe. "I'm free now. I'm free!" he sentenced proudly. He took Ciel's gun, for his had no bullets left, and shoot the candelabrums in the ceiling. They fell, igniting fire around the place. Sebastian also threw around the candles that were next to the sacrificial table. All along Ciel watched him do it, like a master supervising the work of a servant. And when Sebastian finished he was panting and covered in blood, holding tightly the wound on his side, but he didn't care. Everything felt so relieving. The growing fire around him was stimulating, like a wave of new power. It reminded Sebastian that he could do everything he wanted.

He took Ciel's hand to leave before the fire got worse. It was spreading quickly, and if they stayed they would either burn to death or die asphyxiated by the smoke.

They passed by Joker. He was unconscious from blood loss, or at least that was what Sebastian thought until he heard his voice very faintly...

"Black... p-please... take care of 'em," Joker whispered with all of his strength. He didn't even look up, or he probably couldn't. "R-remember... who you are..."

And then he fell silent.

Sebastian stood there; suddenly conscious of the damage he helped to cause.

"Joker?" he inquired, a lump in his throat.

There was no answer.

"Sebastian! Let's go!" Ciel called him on the way to the door. Sebastian gave Joker a last look. There was no salvation for him. He was already dying.

"I'm sorry," Sebastian mumbled. He looked at Ciel and followed him out the basement.

* * *

Agni and Soma fell asleep next to each other.

After all, those days had been really tough for them too. They did like to help their cherished friend and everything, but that didn't mean it was an easy job. So all the effort in the circus, looking for the hallmark, and nursing Ciel finally had worn them off.

However, Agni frowned and his eyes fluttered open when he heard noises and a scream outside and became aware of the change in temperature within the coach. He looked out the window of the carriage and gasped loudly when he saw that the manor right in front of them was being consumed by flames.

"No," he whispered forlornly, getting out the coach. For once, he didn't even care about waking up his Prince so abruptly when Soma fell down off a shoulder that wasn't there anymore.

"Agni?! What's happening?!"

"No!" Agni roared in despair.

"Sir, there's a fire!" the chauffeur of the carriage shouted, trying to control the horses. "We have to get out of here!"

"But master..."

"...Ciel!" both Agni and Soma cried in unison. They ran towards the mansion, but when Agni reacted and noticed that Soma would be in great danger he grabbed his shoulders to stop him. Agni tried to take advantage but the Prince grabbed him back, for he didn't want to lose him either. Agni turned around and they struggled for a moment, trying to earn the risk of going for Ciel and saving their significant other. Agni could've probably beat Soma but he didn't want to hurt him; therefore the little match was really tight and they gave up after a while, Soma falling on Agni's chest and bursting into loud sobs. Agni hugged him with all his strength and buried his face in Soma's mane, closing his eyes tight not to cry but unable to restrain himself anyway. They both fell on their knees and mourned the loss of their dear friend loudly and desperately. Soma screamed Ciel's name from time to time, as if that could bring the boy back, as if that could save him.

However; judging by the state the manor was in, the most probable thing was that it was already too late.

* * *

Sebastian and Ciel ran. It was incredible how quickly the fire was spreading throughout the manor, and they couldn't run too quickly because of Sebastian's injury and Ciel's physical condition. The more Sebastian tried to make an effort, the more it hurt; until the pain was unbearable and he fell on his knees.

"Ugh!"

"Sebastian? What's wrong?!" Ciel inquired. Sebastian was wincing and holding his side real tight. He raised one of his hands to look at it —it was covered in blood.

"Sebastian..." Ciel whispered with worry. Said man opened his eyes.

"Go away. Save yourself," he said through his clenched jaw. Ciel frowned.

"You're planning to die?"

Sebastian mirrored his expression.

"No, I'm not planning to die," he corrected. "I'm  _supposed_  to die, don't you see?"

Ciel hissed.

"Bullshit! That's complete bullshit!"

"What would you know?" Sebastian retorted. Joker's last words still rang in his ears and remorse was spreading through his veins like the fire in the mansion. "I have nothing left. My mother's dead, and my dad didn't even love me. I never really fitted in the circus, either. They accepted me, but I wasn't like them and they knew it. I am not a nobleman, and I am not a circus performer anymore..."

Ciel's hand collided against Sebastian cheek.

"Oh, for the love of God, Sebastian!" he exploded, his hand reddening for the recent slap. "Fight for what you want to become, then! But don't fucking give up because you don't know what to do with your life now! There's always a choice, so fucking choose now!"

 _Choose_. Wasn't that what he was fighting for since this charade began? A choice. He'd always been in someone's side somehow. If he wasn't in Father's, he should be in Ciel's... Or at least that was how other people probably saw it. But now there were no sides, and what was Sebastian supposed to do?

He wasn't in Father's side, but it held most of what he'd been until then. His life until that point consisted of two meaningless realities: his noble family, the one that had been dead for a good while now. Even the memories of them were blurry. And then there was his circus family, that was now probably dead too, and that was the highlight of his life so far —not necessarily in a good way—. And now it was over too, and the fact that Sebastian himself was the main cause of its downfall left him with nothing but a big hole inside his chest, because he didn't even regret it.

He was so empty. His whole life had been so empty, and boring.

However, his thoughts were interrupted when Ciel began to cough due to the smoke. Sebastian looked at him with concern. He didn't want Ciel to experience another asthma attack.

"We have to get you out of here. I promised I'd take care of you," he said.

"No!" Ciel coughed. "I won't leave unless you promise me that you're not gonna die!"

Sebastian glared at him.

"Why are you always so headstrong?!"

Ciel returned the glare.

"Why are you so suicidal?!" he retorted furiously, but his features softened when Sebastian coughed and winced in pain. "We have to get you to a hospital..."

"And you have to leave. Please," Sebastian begged.

"I already told you," Ciel coughed a few times; "my one condition."

Sebastian growled and coughed. He was feeling dizzy, and it was getting harder to breathe. The heat of the room was unbearable. He knew that they had to leave urgently or they would die soon. And he also knew that Ciel wouldn't change his mind, stubborn as he was, so...

"Alright," he finally gave up. Ciel smirked. "I'll leave with you. And Ciel..."

"What?" the boy inquired.

"I love you," Sebastian said breathily. Ciel's eye gleamed with despair and anguish. Sebastian made it sound like a goodbye.

"Sebastian," he said anxiously. "I love you t—"

Before Ciel could even finish the sentence, Sebastian knocked him out. Ciel's body fell limp in his arms and Sebastian admired him for a moment. His delicate features, his thin frame... He used to be able to carry him effortlessly, but now he weighed too much.

"Sorry," Sebastian said softly. There were too many apologies lately. He was sorry to everyone he'd hurt with his lies and betrayal, because Sebastian no longer belonged to anyone's side. He kissed Ciel one last time and, with all the strength he had left, Sebastian ran away to save him.

* * *

Agni sniffed, opening his teary eyes for a moment. Soma was still hiding in his chest. They were both sobbing, but Agni's cries got stuck in his throat the moment he saw a small silhouette coming out of the manor. He gasped. Could it be...?

"Prince!"

The silhouette grew bigger. Now that it was closer, Agni could distinguish it was a man carrying someone. Soma looked up and turned around, looking in the same direction his lover was looking.

"It can't be..." he murmured hoarsely. He stood up and ran towards them, Agni tagging along behind him. "Ciel!" Soma exclaimed when they approached them. Effectively, it was the earl, lying unconsciously in the arms of that man. Soma narrowed his eyes. "What happened to him?"

"He's fine, he just... fainted. But he should be fine. Ngh!" Sebastian grimaced, feeling another wave of pain. Agni and Soma took the child from him, their eyes widening when they saw Sebastian's bloodstained hands. However, when they both noticed that Ciel was, in fact, uninjured, they looked at Sebastian with concern. He'd actually kept his promise, and that could only mean one thing...

"Are you okay, mister?!" Agni fretted. "C'mon, we have to take you to a hospital..."

"I'm fine, it's just a little wound," Sebastian lied. "You have to go away now."

"But Ciel Sir won't like—"

"Someone will come soon, I'm sure," Sebastian warned. "It's my duty to stay here. But you have to leave, now!" he pressured. He hadn't knocked Ciel unconscious for nothing. "I don't know how many of them are on their way, and in this condition I won't be able to protect Ciel any longer so... go! Go now!"

"Okay, okay!" Soma replied, a little intimidated by Sebastian's intensity. They got in the carriage, but before they left, Agni turned around and looked at Sebastian.

"Mister Black... thank you," he said. Sebastian nodded.

"Please, take care of Ciel," he asked helplessly. Agni smiled melancholically and nodded back.

"We will. Don't worry."

They left. Sebastian let out a sigh and let himself fall on the floor when they were out of sight. It hurt. It hurt really badly, and he didn't know if it was because Ciel had left forever or because of the wound. He was dizzy and cold, but it was fine. He should die, anyway. There was nothing left to live for. He closed his eyes for a minute, but his rest was interrupted when...

"Wha... what is this?!" a girl's voice, Doll's voice, and the noises of the horse she was riding made him open his tired eyes. She dismounted and approached him, coughing a little.

"Black!" she called, leaning over him. "What happened?! Where's brother Joker?! What happened to you?!"

Sebastian coughed. Doll opened his jacket and gasped loudly, causing Sebastian to smile halfheartedly. Thank God his attire was pitch-black, or Ciel and those two would never let him stay there. She quickly unbuttoned his shirt and searched for something to stop the bleeding temporarily.

"Joker's dead."

Her eye widened. "What?!" she cried. "What are you saying Black?!"

"They were sent after us to find about the missing children," Sebastian mumbled with difficulty; "Smile and the other two."

"So they were really with the Yard to capture us?!"

"No," Sebastian answered as Doll finished with the tourniquet she made with her sweater. It seemed that Sebastian's desire to die wouldn't be fulfilled, at least not then. "Smile is the Queen's Watchdog... Ciel Phantomhive."

The memory of Father's letter flashed her mind. "No way... Smile is Phantomhive?" she inquired, not wanting to believe it. "Are you sayin' it was all a lie? Everything... Everything!"

 _Everything_. She recalled every moment with him; the smiles, the caramels, their promise. And she also reminded  _everything_  she'd live with Joker, his dear brother...

_"If we're gonna do a circus, then we need stage names. Ye'll be Beast, ye'll be Dagger. It's easy to understand, so it's good," Joker announced, ignoring the complaints of the two children. Little Freckles ran to him, chirping excitedly:_

_"Hey! Gimme one too!"_

_"Hmm... okay," Joker didn't even hesitate when he added: "You're Doll."_

_The girl blushed. The ugly scar of her bad eye was exposed, and she knew it wasn't pretty. She wasn't pretty._

_"Ehhh?! But I don't want a girly name like that! It doesn't fit me!"_

_"Of course it fits you," Joker replied, ruffling her hair playfully and smiling at her; "because yer our cute lil' sister."_

She let out a loud sob, bursting into tears and feeling her heart breaking into little pieces at the memories that would never come back. Sebastian closed his eyes tightly and respectfully to her mourning. However, she tried to calm herself down, because she knew there was nothing left to be done. Crying wouldn't bring Joker back, and she had to get help for Black if she didn't want to lose another member of the family. So she helped him stand up and climb the horse with silent tears in her eyes. She'd have time to mourn Joker later.

Sebastian let his head fall on her back and his arms hang limp at his sides. He was tired, very tired, and he wanted to forget about everything as they left their past behind.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Here I am, although a little bit late. I'm in my exams period, so I just had a little bit of free time now. Anyway, enough with my boring life. Here's the last chapter! I left more notes at the end of it. Anyway, please enjoy!

_"A circus survives on blood, sweat, pain and [excrement]."_

—Sara Gruen,  _Water for Elephants_.

* * *

Sebastian survived.

Doll took him to the nearest public hospital, and after his wound was treated he was taken care of in the circus. It was weird, for he wasn't used to feel useless. The only good thing about it was that he could pretend to be asleep in order not to respond to everyone's questions about what happened that night at Father's manor, and he could act like the atmosphere of sadness that surrounded the circus didn't exist.

However, as his wound got better and began scarring —right under Father's horrible mark— he had no choice but to face reality. Doll was the most insistent one, demanding to know every single detail with her puffy eyes from crying. Therefore, Sebastian had to explain everything to her, Snake and Grell —well, not exactly everything. He skipped a few parts, the ones that included lying in bed with a little earl and falling in love with him. It felt a little too wrong to lie and make Ciel appear like he was the only one to blame; but Sebastian told himself that he was doing it to protect them, like Joker begged him to do with his last breath. They were horrified when he told them about the Baron, the prosthetic limbs' materials and Doctor; and Sebastian acted like he'd just found out about it. too. Doll couldn't believe it. Traumatized by the revelation, she said that they had to make a visit to their siblings that were still in the workhouse to check how they were doing, and it was urgent. Sebastian couldn't tell her no. If it would help her move on, then it was necessary. Snake demanded to tag along. Grell wasn't really interested, so she said she'd stay in charge of the circus while they were gone. She was the only one who noticed Sebastian's feelings.

"You love him, don't you?  _'Smile,'_ " she'd told him after Snake and Doll left in order to prepare their stuff to leave. Sebastian went pale and she giggled. "I knew it," she gloated.

"How can you tell?" Sebastian asked defensively.

"Oh, don't make that face, Sebas-chan. I'm your best friend, of course I can tell. You fell in love with the wrong person, though."

"The pot calling the kettle black. You love that weird guy who left too... what's his name? Suit, I think..."

Grell smiled coquettishly. "Well, yes. But I don't bother to hide it."

"It's different," Sebastian argued. "Smile was—"

"Yeah, yeah, I know. Don't worry Sebby, your secret's safe with me," she assured. "Now, if you excuse me, I have to keep working."

She left. They both knew that after that evening, the subject would become a taboo, like the things Father forced Sebastian to do while the two friends were apart. It was better off that way.

They left to the workhouse that same night, by horse. It was a long and tiring trip, but they arrived by midday. It was a windy day. The sun shone bright in the sky. The workhouse was over the hill —what an irony—, so they climbed. However, when they made it to the top...

"What," Sebastian whispered in shock. Snake gasped and Doll...

"Wha— WHAT IS THIS?!"

Before them, the workhouse from their memories was nothing but ruins. The place was practically uninhabited, in exception for the weeds and the wild plants that were all over what was left of the building.

"Father was lying," Sebastian deadpanned. The whole thing was a surprise for him too and he didn't know what to think. He knew that, knowing Doctor, the most probable thing was that not a single one of their siblings had made it.

So, in the end... Everyone that died and stained their hands did it in vain, trying to protect something that didn't even exist anymore.

Sebastian felt his stomach churn.

"NO!"

Doll broke and fell on her knees, crying at full volume. Snake looked at her, sadness written all over his features and approached her silently, placing a hand on her back to offer her comfort. Doll pulled him down. She hugged him and hid her face in his chest. She needed someone to hold tight, to help her ease the pain. He gasped in surprise but didn't move, for he could understand how she was feeling. His eyes were stingy and there was a lump in his throat: he loved their family too, and he also hurt for their deaths and the fact that everything so far had been a lie. But it must be even harder for Doll: she knew them since she was very little, and unlike Snake, who was the last one to join them, she'd spent some time at the workhouse before they founded the circus.

"I miss 'em... I miss 'em so much," she sobbed. Snake was already crying, patting her head.

Sebastian averted his eyes. The whole scene seemed wrong to watch. He didn't feel like he had the right to cry for their 'family', not when he was a traitor. He walked away to let them mourn and sat down at a good distance. He was a little tired, for his wound wasn't completely cured just yet.

Letting out a sigh and looking at the grass and the little flowers growing around him, he thought about Joker and the others. Where would they be now?

Would they be at peace?

Even though he didn't have the right to think of it, Sebastian really hoped they were. Their whole lives had been so tragic, and they were good people... Good people who did the wrong things.

He thought about Ciel too. What would he have said when he woke up? He probably got very upset. Sebastian felt sorry for Soma and Agni, they'd surely gotten a good lecture for believing him when he told them he was fine.

He thought about his life also. Now that Ciel was gone, what would he do? He was empty. That crazy and suicidal impulse of letting himself die had left as soon as it came, but sadness still remained...

There was a sudden rush of wind. "Ah!" Sebastian heard a voice at the distance. He looked up, snapping out of his thoughts and met with a single azure eye gleaming with astonishment.

Ciel was at the base of the hill, all dressed like a noble with his black cape, boots and his hat; just like that day at the Baron's house. His gloved hand was stretching in a failed attempt of catching his hat's bow, which had been undone by the wind. There was an old butler behind him, who also tried to catch the ribbon but couldn't.

_The wind shall blow my top knot off._

The blue ribbon passed right next to Sebastian and he caught it almost effortlessly, as if it was meant to stay with him. Ciel let his hand fall and they looked at each other from afar for a good while, like a first time. Words were not necessary: just knowing that the other was fine was more than enough for them.

"Young Master?" Tanaka asked after a while, glancing at the stranger in the hill and then back at the earl. Ciel smiled with mixed feelings, and Sebastian mirrored the gesture.

"Yes. Let's go, Tanaka," said Ciel. He turned on his heel with that regal air of his as the butler bowed and followed him without asking any questions.

Sebastian smiled and put the ribbon in his pocket. As long as Ciel was fine, he would find motivation to keep on living.

* * *

They still had the circus.

The show had to go on, like always. They were thinking about leaving England for a while, though. However, just a few days before they left, Sebastian received a strange letter.

It was from the Queen herself. It read about a special decoration ceremony for Sebastian, to give him back the title and land that used to belong to his father. Sebastian was pretty sure that Ciel that to do with it, and he shook his head and sighed. But he did attend. Doll, Grell and Snake practically forced him to. It was a great opportunity, after all; a chance of a better life at least for him. As a family, they wished the best for each other. So Sebastian gave in, for Ciel, but he promised he would still take care of them, for the deceased. Perhaps it was the guilt, or the moments of friendship; but somehow he felt indebted to them.

There was just one question he asked himself:  _why would Ciel bother so much?_  Would he be that desperate to offer him a new motivation for his life?

Sebastian told himself that he would ask him when he saw him. But the question remained buried in his mind, because the little Earl didn't show at the ceremony.

Oh, well. Actions spoke louder than words, and Ciel had made the loudest statement of them all.

_I love you, Sebastian._

* * *

**Epilogue. 10 years later**

* * *

 

After a long, long while, Noah's Ark Circus was back to its native town. Lots of people attended their shows and as always, left fascinated with the incredible performances that their talented team members offered. But the magic had to end, and after two weeks, they were prepared to leave to another country. Sebastian attended all of their shows when they were in England. Now that he was a Viscount, he'd taken the Baron's place as their patron; financing their shows and trips and making sure that they had everything they needed. It was his way of atonement, and it helped him sleep better at night. And despite the fact that he couldn't travel with them now because he had responsibilities in his country, they were much happier with him as their boss. Sebastian was still one of them, and he didn't force them to do horrible things.

When the show ended and the people left, Sebastian always found himself going to the one that used to be his tent. Now it was someone else's, a new magician whose name was Claude but they called him Spider. He was never there, anyway. He spent most of his time with a blond young man they called Alois. He and his younger brother Luca were Peter and Wendy's replacement in the trapeze.

Most of the props were still the same. The clothes too, albeit Grell had made little changes to them. The bed was the same, and when Sebastian looked at it he always recalled those sweet old times with Ciel...

"Y'know, if you want, you could perform tonite. For the old times' sake."

"Doll," Sebastian said. She caught him by surprise.

Doll smiled.

"'Tis our last show 'ere, so I'm sure Spider will let ya."

Sebastian shook his head, a little smile tugging at his lips. "No, that wouldn't be correct. I'm not a first-tier anymore, I'm your patron."

Doll approached him. "Bah. For us, ye'll always be Black. Or is it that yer too good for the circus now,  _Viscount_?" she said jokingly. Sebastian rolled his eyes and ruffled her hair.

"Alright, alright. But you ask him."

Doll giggled. "'Kay!" she exclaimed and left the tent. Sebastian followed her. This was going to be a good night.

* * *

 

Despite how many years had passed, Sebastian remembered exactly what to do for his routine. The outfit fit him perfectly. The audience was delighted with his performance and it was the perfect ending for a perfect goodbye.

He went to his old tent to give back the stuff he used when the show was over. He was about wipe off his makeup when...

"Black," Doll called him from outside. He turned around, taking off his hat.

"What is it, Doll?" Sebastian said, meeting the girl and the man at her side. There was a big smile on her face.

"Great show. Anyway, Snake and I are goin' downtown. Like to come? We'll go grab a bite 'nd then..."

"No, thank you, I'll stay a little longer. Go enjoy yourselves," Sebastian rejected the invitation politely. He didn't really feel like going out, plus, he didn't want to be a third wheel.

"Oh well," Doll shrugged. "Red Death and the Mackens didn't want to come either. C'mon, Snake," she said as she held his hand and turned around to leave. He gave a curt nod, glancing at Sebastian and then at the yound lady lovingly. "Guess it'll be just you 'nd I."

"And Oscar," Snake added; "says Oscar."

Doll giggled and nodded. "Yeah, Oscar too."

They left. Sebastian watched them walk away: their love story was one of those that deserved to be told. After all the loss and the pain of losing most the first-tier members, there was a long period of mourning. Doll —being the most sensitive of them all— was the one who suffered the most, also since she was the one who spent more time with them. And when Sebastian thought it couldn't be worse, somehow it happened. Snake and Doll comforted each other mutually, and it was like a little ray of hope.

They kept  _'Noah's Ark Circus'_  as their name, in honor of Joker and the others. And when Sebastian was settled down with his new life as a nobleman, they began traveling around Europe. They got new members easily. Some of the second-tier members didn't last, some did, but the first-tiers remained the same.

And Doll was all a lady now, much more beautiful —inside and out— than she had ever been, and Snake was a sweet young man that treated her as she deserved. And it was good, because after so much pain, the girl deserved at least a little bit of happiness.

Sometimes they reminded Sebastian of Joker and Beast and how they might have been if they were still alive and the circumstances hadn't kept them apart. And what would they be thinking of him, wherever they were now? They were probably calling him a traitor, and he knew he deserved it. He didn't deserve forgiveness, but he was still trying to make up for his mistake.

"Sebastian," Grell called him.

"What?" Sebastian answered. He was still lost in his musings, therefore he missed the hint of mischievousness in Grell's smile.

"There's someone here who just saw your performance and says he wants to talk to you."

Sebastian frowned.

"Who is it?"

Grell smiled as she left the room. "Oh, just you wait and see."

No sooner was Grell gone, a child entered the tent running and stopped in front of Sebastian, staring at him with admiration.

"Mister Magician!"

Sebastian knelt down in front of the boy and ruffled his hair playfully. During his days as a performer, he was used to this: children and adults usually asked for him after the show to congratulate him for his flawless, impressing routine. He had forgotten about that feeling.

"Who's this little buddy over here?"

"Vincent," a stray, masculine voice said behind the kid. "His name is Vincent Phantomhive."

Sebastian looked up as a shadow cast the floor. A man around his mid-twenties was standing there, a smirk on his face. He had dark hair and a single blue eye that shone like a sapphire. His other eye, or rather the lack of it, was covered by an eye-patch. He was thin and not very tall, but there was something about his presence that made you stare, because he was very beautiful.

The man was no other than Ciel Phantomhive.

Sebastian was left speechless for a moment, surprised —to say the least— to see him after all that time. Noticing this, Ciel decided to break the ice with a sigh.

"He liked your performance very much, Mr. Black, and he didn't believe me when I told him that you were an old friend of his father."

"Is that right, Mr. Magician?" the little boy asked, his big brown eyes gleaming. Now that Sebastian looked at him better, he realized how he did look like Ciel's son. Except for the fair hair and the color of his eyes, the boy was a replica of a little Ciel Phantomhive.

Sebastian simpered, finally regaining his voice.

"Of course. Your father and I are very good friends."

"Whoa, that's amazing!" little Vincent said, jumping excitedly.

"It is. I bet you have an amazing dad, given he's friends of someone like me."

Ciel rolled his eye. "Son, could you give me a minute to talk with Mr. Magician? It's been a while since I don't see him."

The little boy looked at his dad and nodded eagerly. He left the tent in a rush. Ciel smiled at his child's eccentricities.

"He's just like his mother," he whispered tenderly.

"He seems like a good kid," Sebastian flattered.

Ciel cast a look at him.

"Yeah, he is..." he made a pause and added; "I can't believe you're still performing."

Sebastian shrugged.

"Well, not exactly. It was just for today, because Doll insisted."

I can't believe you're here, he wanted to point out, but he knew that the remark would make Ciel uncomfortable. He didn't like to admit how important some people were to him, Sebastian being one of them. The good thing was that at least, Sebastian could read him like a book.

Ciel gave a curt nod. "Oh, her. How is she?"

"She's fine, thanks for asking."

"I bet she hates me."

Sebastian pursed his lips and shrugged awkwardly. "Well, we don't really talk about it. But she's with Snake now, so I doubt she thinks about it often..." he trailed off. "Anyway, how are your friends?"

Ciel snorted. "Soma and Agni? They're still the same. They're in India right now, but they write often... They're still together, and I doubt it'll ever change..."

"That's good," Sebastian smiled bittersweetly. Some people were just luckier than others. "Hey, I have never seen you at society parties, by the way," he added sardonically. Ciel grimaced.

"I hate those, but Elizabeth likes to go sometimes... I always make up an excuse so I don't have to go with her."

"That's a shame. It would be a pleasure to have a conversation with you more often," Sebastian commented innocently. Ciel blushed because he was still so attractive, and his voice was still so seductive without even trying...

"I don't think that would be a good idea," the Earl pointed out, flustered.

Sebastian's eyebrows knitted. "Why not? We would just talk."

Ciel averted his eye. Sebastian knew that what he was saying was painful, because it would never be enough. He liked being with Ciel, just  _being_  with him; and vice versa. But even so, the more they were together, the harder it would be to resist temptation.

Sebastian sighed after a moment of silence. "Anyway. You just attended our last show here in England. And for what I can see, it's probably one of our last ones as we are now."

That statement caught Ciel's attention. "What?" he asked. "Why? Are you closing it?"

"Well, not exactly," Sebastian said. "But we've been contemplating the option of letting it in charge of the Mackens. They been here for a good while now and they've proven they're really dedicated. And they are like a family. A strange, dysfunctional family, but a family anyways," he explained.

For a moment, Sebastian could read real worry in Ciel's expression.

"That's good but... what will happen to you now? What are you gonna do?"

Sebastian chuckled without humor, touched. "Oh, nothing. I'll probably keep being their patron. It's the others who are leaving: Grell's been trying to sell her designs lately, and it seems like finally a famous company wants to buy them. They're hiring her, so I wouldn't be surprised if London's all clad in red in a few years from now on."

"Doll and Snake are marrying soon," he went on. "She doesn't know yet, but he's been working harder all this year to save some money. I think he's gonna propose soon, and it's obvious she'll say yes. After the wedding, I bet they'll want to move somewhere else together and have children, who knows. So that leaves the last of the original first-tier members out."

"Wow, that's... unexpected," Ciel breathed. He then looked at Sebastian, still concerned. He wanted to know about him more than the others. "But Sebastian, tell me... how you've been?"

Sebastian smiled halfheartedly. It seemed like Ciel was still affected by Sebastian's behavior that night so many years ago. But it was over.

It was all over.

"I've been fine, Ciel, really," Sebastian said truthfully. "I don't know if you've heard already, but I did study medicine. I've recently graduated with honors, and I'm looking for a job in a good hospital..."

Ciel felt relieved when he heard that. He usually tried to avoid gossip, so he didn't know. But he was content that Sebastian was content with his new life, and he was happy that he'd helped him follow a new path. He was very proud of Sebastian too, but he wouldn't say that out loud.

He smiled confidently.

"Well, I'm really happy for you."

It sounded like an automatic answer, but Ciel really meant it. Sebastian knew that.

"Thank you," he smiled back. "I'm happy for you too. Your child is very beautiful, and I bet you have a wonderful wife."

Ciel shrugged with nostalgia. "They're... good," he whispered. He loved them, actually. Of course, he didn't love Lizzy like he loved Sebastian even after all that time, but he loved her in his own way. He didn't want to brag about them, though. Not when Sebastian was still... alone.

As always, it was like Sebastian could read his mind. He took Ciel's hand and kissed it respectfully.

"It's good to have a family," he told him. "You shouldn't feel guilty because you have a little ray of sun now."

Ciel blushed furiously. "Sebastian..." he murmured. Sebastian stood up. He was still taller than Ciel. He didn't let go of his hand, and he placed his other in Ciel's back, as if they were going to dance. They never broke the eye contact, and for a minute Ciel thought that if Sebastian kissed him there it would be okay, and Lizzy didn't have to know. He'd never leave her, anyway. He wouldn't leave their child. But still, having Sebastian so close to him made his heart beat like crazy, and... was it still cheating, when Sebastian was the only one that Ciel truly loved from the very beginning?

Sebastian gave a step forward, almost closing the distance between them. Ciel closed his eye, trembling with exhilaration, and let out a shaky breath. For a minute, he hoped to feel Sebastian's lips against his...

...but Sebastian was respectful. He placed a kiss on Ciel's forehead; sadly, kindly, lovingly; and let go of him then. Ciel opened his eye, dazed; and then averted his gaze.

"I think I should leave now," he said with embarrasment.

Sebastian gave a curt nod.

"Alright. I'll accompany you."

Ciel nodded back.

"Nice ribbon, by the way," he added slyly when he felt like he was able to speak again. Sebastian looked at his bow tie and smirked.

"Oh, this? Thank you. It was sort of... a present. From someone who's very special to me."

"Really?" Ciel said playfully. Of course he recognized the top knot the wind had blown ten years ago...

"Yeah," Sebastian affirmed. "It looks much better on me, though."

Ciel gave him an sceptic look and sighed.

"You haven't changed one bit. You're still the same cocky moron I met."

Sebastian laughed softly.

"Well, I can't say the same. You've grown."

Ciel snorted.

"Of course I've grown, you idiot. What did you expect...?"

...And in the middle of bickering and loving stares, they exited the tent.

They found Vincent nearby. He was playing with a blond young man about Ciel's age and a redheaded teenager. There was a pale-haired, tanned woman looking motherly at them, and a man with glasses who took the blond's hand and placed playful kisses on his lips when Ciel picked up his child. As they left them behind, Sebastian told Ciel those were the Mackens. They looked really happy, and Ciel could see what Sebastian meant when he said they were like a family.

Sebastian accompanied Ciel and little Vincent to their carriage. They looked at each other one last time and said goodbye.

"I hope to see you soon," Sebastian said. Ciel smiled proudly like he always did.

"Maybe," he said whimsically. It made Sebastian feel like not everything was lost.

He watched the carriage disappear into the night. No matter how many times Ciel would come and go, Sebastian knew they would always meet again.

* * *

 

**The End.**

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooookay, first of all, I never thought this fic would see an end! Like I said before, i had the idea of it but I didn't have the inspiration to write it. So I'm kinda proud it's finished now.
> 
> Now, well... Please don't hate me! But let me explain. When I thought about this fic, I knew it wasn't gonna have a perfect happy ending. Kuroshitsuji doesn't have happy endings. It's one of the things that make the series so unique and more realistic. Because let's face it, there was no perfect endings in real life. Life is bittersweet, but beautiful and worth it, so... that was kinda the idea I was trying to express with this fic. That we have to move on and keep living, and that we should never lose hope. I hope I did it well...
> 
> I also wanted to show what happened to the characters after everything that happened. And I just don't mean Ciel and Sebastian, as you could see :)
> 
> I could've kept them together, but it would've been really hard with things as they were in those times for gay couples. Plus, I don't really think Ciel would break his engagement to Lizzy. He doesn't have romantic feelings for her, but she's the only family he's left and he cares about her a lot.
> 
> There are two other possible endings that I could think of —okay, maybe three, but one is too tragic and they've had enough of that and the other two are too OOC. So I guess... this is it. I enjoyed writing this fic so much! Thank you for taking your time to read me!
> 
> Anyway, I'd love to know what you think about the ending and this fic in general, whether that's good or bad. Also, feel free to ask questions or just fangirl about the new season with me! ;)
> 
> Oh, I'd also like to apologize if I made some grammar or spelling mistakes, because I'm not a native speaker. I did my best, but I'm sure there was some in all the story.
> 
> Now, I think that's it. Now if you excuse me, I'll go and watch the last episode of the Book of Circus. Ahhh, I can't believe it's over!


End file.
